01
Men nowadays say that women are realistic.
In fact, only men are realistic.
I can’t stand the ugly ones, but I can’t afford the pretty ones.
A woman who is not materialistic does not know how to cherish. She talks about feelings with you, eats from the bowl, and looks at the food from the pot.
I dare to say that women are real, and I can only give you four words: "Go and stay wherever you like!"
02
If one day you pick up 9,000 yuan, and then when you return the 9,000 yuan to the owner, The owner said: "10,000 yuan is missing."
What would you say at this time?
"Here, you obviously lost 10,000, these 9,000 have nothing to do with you!"
03
My wife suddenly asked me: "If a beautiful woman approached you, would you take the bait?"
Husband is serious After thinking for a while, he said solemnly: "Actually, you don't need to be very beautiful!"
04
Wu Song drank 18 bowls of wine in Jingyanggang , plus two kilograms of cooked beef. A normal person's appetite can fit in so much food at one time ?
"If you were a normal person, even your sister-in-law would probably not be able to pass this test!"
05
Smallpox is a very serious infectious disease. Why is it still allowed to use ceilings in houses?
"Doctor, why should he be discharged from the hospital!"
06
If a friend invites you to your home, please don't go empty-handed. What do you think of this sentence?
"You are not allowed to bring a plastic bag, otherwise, how can you pack it?"
07
My boyfriend's feet were extremely smelly. Once he was bitten by a poisonous snake. It took him six hours to save his life from the poisonous snake!
08
If your ex-girlfriend asks you: "Why did you delete her? How can you give an emotionally intelligent answer?"
"Clear the inventory regularly!"
09
I laughed to death. Just now my roommate said: "There is a global top 100 company that is coming. Our school is recruiting."
"Top 100 in the world?"
Then, another roommate said: "Will the top 100 in the world come to our school?"
"Are we going to recruit our principal?"
10
There is an old man in our community. My wife raises three sons and grandchildren, and takes care of six children at once.
And they are all boys. Their daily mantra: "When can I go see my wife?"
11
"Would you like to go out for a meal together?"
"No, won't your boyfriend mind?" "
"I don't have a boyfriend."
"Then who is that man in your circle of friends?"
"That is my husband. We are just an ordinary couple who met by chance. You don't have to worry!"
12
A person cannot rest all the time. of.
Because when you rest for a long time, people become desolate.
And it feels so good to be a useless person!
13
Since the company recruited you, it is indeed a big loss to the company.
knows how to fish in troubled waters all day long, waiting foolishly for get off work.
If you finish your work this month, you won’t have to come to work next month.
"It looks like I won't be able to leave next month. I haven't finished the work from last month!"
14
When I was wearing a small red flower on the leader's chest, the pin accidentally stuck into his skin. what to do?
I was still at the venue. As soon as I got off the podium, the leader was already standing there motionless, waiting online, quite anxious.
"Let him feel pain for a while, isn't it just for leaders to feel sorry for themselves?"
15
Once many people become leaders, they will never post anything in their WeChat Moments anymore. Why?
"Because, you may have been blocked by him!"
16
Me: "Mom, I have a fever, I have been burning all night."
Mom: "Is it boiled? "
me:"? ? ? "
17
" Husband, now that we have let go of the three children, shall we have another child? "
" Don't ask for it. Our two children are still too busy. How can we have time to ask for another one? "
" Look at you, you are so boring. Don't you want a biological child? "
18
I was playing basketball with a few classmates. During this period, a beautiful woman took the initiative to ask for my WeChat ID.
After passing, the beautiful woman said: "Next time, when you play basketball again, be careful not to bully that very handsome boy. , he is my boyfriend! Is "
19
" there? What happened to "
". "
" It's just... I thought about it for a while, but I have been embarrassed to speak to you. "
" be your girlfriend? Okay, I agree. Don’t be so harried about such a beautiful thing. In fact, I like you too! "
" I want to say, can you pay me back the five thousand yuan you owe me? "
