Marquez "Love in the Time of Cholera":
"Compared with the huge disasters in marriage, the daily trivial troubles are more difficult to avoid."
Huaxi said in "The Strange Flower": "The trickiest thing in life" The problem is often firewood, rice, oil and salt, and the heaviest yoke is often trivial."
Big data also shows that trivial life is the main cause of marriage failure.
The annual Spring Festival holiday is a collection of trivial life and a period of outbreak of conflicts between husband and wife.
01. Marriage crisis, derived from the trivial life
The marriage of friend Li Shan (a pseudonym) also encountered a crisis.
Just two days ago, she and her husband Zhou Feng (pseudonym) had a disagreement for the 2,000 New Year red envelopes. The two people who refused to give in to each other eventually made the Spring Festival holiday a cooling-off period for divorce.
There is a saying that a harmonious mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship is not necessarily helpful to the maintenance of marriage; but a bad mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship is definitely the last straw that overwhelms the camel.
In fact, there is no major problem of principle between Li Shan and his wife. Most of them are disagreements caused by trivial life. Then, they blame each other and quarrel...
Despite the constant conflicts, the couple formed a tacit understanding. Let the quarrel stop within a controllable range.
However, this time because of her mother-in-law's intervention, Li Shan's heart for many years of resentment ignited, which led to an outrage and the marriage came to an end.
Li Shan and Zhou Feng both work in the provincial capital.
The two come from different cities around the provincial capital, and Zhou Feng's hometown is relatively close to the provincial capital.
Zhou Feng is the only child in the family, Li Shan also has a younger brother, and the two are in the same family background.It can be said to be a good match.
After entering the marriage, the two tore off their previous "disguise" and removed the love "filter", and their shortcomings were revealed. Nevertheless, in the early days of their marriage, their lives were still sweet and warm.
There is a saying that if the man who marries is good or not, it will be clear to have a child.
After Li Shan's child was born, all sorts of trivial things swarmed in an instant. The husband and wife are parents for the first time.
Especially Zhou Feng, suddenly unable to adapt to the role of father, not only did not understand Li Shan, but complained constantly.
02. After the child was born, I became a full-time mother
Li Shan's confinement was taken care of by her mother.
However, my mother has a job and only took more than half a month's leave. The mother-in-law has been in poor health, and just after the operation, there is no way to come to help.
After finally sitting in the confinement, facing Li Shan is another problem. Who will bring the children?
In the local area, the salary of a child-rearing wife is very high. Compared with her income, it is only high or not low. Moreover, the parenting sister-in-law is an outsider after all, so she is not at ease.
Li Shan weighed repeatedly. In the end, under Zhou Feng's persuasion, she agreed to resign as a full-time mother.
The child’s problem is solved, and economic problems follow. After all, the lack of Li Shan's income and the increase of children's expenses are a lot of pressure for the couple who are still carrying the mortgage.
Xin Yiwu wrote in "To Our Dying Youth":
"In this world, no one can truly feel the pain of another person."
There is no absolute empathy,Especially between men and women.
Men don’t understand how hard it is for you to have children and take care of them; they don’t feel distressed either. You are exhausted by the child and feel embarrassed when you have no image at all.
Similarly, you will not understand the confusion and panic of men before the change of roles, and the bitterness of men moving forward under economic pressure.
As stated in the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", men and women are two completely different creatures, and there are huge differences in cognition.
The same is true of stress. Men like to be alone or dedicate themselves to another thing, such as playing games and watching videos, to relieve stress.
Women like to slowly relieve the pressure in their hearts through chatting and talking.
03. Economic constraints have exacerbated the conflict between husband and wife
Because of the cognitive differences between men and women, it is difficult for Li Shan to understand Zhou Feng's behavior. Don't you just go to work, are you so tired? When I got home, I didn't do anything, and even said a few more words, which seemed impatient.
Zhou Feng also finds it difficult to understand her. Don't you just take a child, are you so tired? Can't help me with any help, so hypocritical.
Li Shan was originally an independent professional woman. Now she is trapped in a small space for her children, repeating tedious things every day, day after day, week after week.
And these things, in Zhou Feng's eyes, seem to have no value. She wanted to have a good communication with Zhou Feng, but the other party didn't have the patience to listen.
As the saying goes, poor couples are sad.
Financial constraints make the mentality of the two people worse. A trivial matter can make the two cold wars for several days.
However, no matter how noisy the two are, things like firewood, rice, oil and salt cannot be bypassed.
children’s milk powder, diapers, complementary food, toys, picture books, clothes,Everything needs money. Li Shan herself basically has no consumption except for the necessary expenses.
Not to mention cosmetics, she rarely buys even clothes. She bought a few clothes just because of her body fatness and there was no other way.
Occasionally, the expenses were overrun. Zhou Feng didn't say anything, but the irritable expression on her face made her feel ashamed for a long time.
04. For the 2000 New Year red envelopes, the Chinese New Year holiday became a divorce cooling-off period
This Spring Festival, Zhou Feng Company finished the "tail tooth banquet" and had a holiday early.
The parents-in-law from my hometown also came to the provincial capital to celebrate the New Year together. On that day, Zhou Feng's year-end prize was received, and Li Shan saw that he had wrapped a 2000 New Year red envelope for his in-laws.
Li Shan said: "Husband, I have no money in Kali, you transfer 2000 to me, and my parents' New Year red envelopes will also be arranged."
Zhou Feng was a little unhappy and muttered a few words. Li Shan was hurt by her self-esteem and couldn't help but quarrel with him.
This was originally the daily operation of the couple, but her mother-in-law heard it, and she joined it.
Mother-in-law is naturally helping her son. She scolded Li Shan, starting with the bride dowry, and then she said that Li Shan hadn’t worked in the past few years and spent her son’s money...
Li Shan usually has a good relationship with her mother-in-law, she did I thought of so many slots in the eyes of my mother-in-law. In the end, she also tore her face.
That night, after the mother-in-law took a break, the chilling Li Shan quarreled with her husband again.
Finally, the two mentioned ending their marriage.
The next morning, the in-laws went to the park to exercise. Li Shan held the child and Zhou Feng, who was still angry, and went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to go through the formalities.
But nowadays, you need to register for a divorce first, and then wait for the 30-day cooling-off period to end.Only then can the marriage be officially obtained.
After Li Shan finished the registration application, she went home to pack her things. She had already notified her brother to drive over to pick her up, and she would take the child back to her family for the New Year.
After Li Shan left, the mother-in-law was completely stunned to understand the situation. She really couldn't understand that for the New Year's red envelope in 2000, let a good Spring Festival holiday become a divorce cooling-off period?
The mother-in-law called Li Shan immediately and tried to save it.
The mother-in-law saw that Li Shan had a strong tone and seemed to really want to leave, so she apologized softly. She said: "Big New Year, stop making trouble, I have already apologized..."
Li Shan is unmoved She knows that the red envelopes for the New Year in 2000 are just the fuse, and the disappointment and grievances accumulated in daily life are the root causes of the collapse of the marriage.
05. Communication is the secret to avoiding marriage being defeated by the trivialities of life
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" is a valuable popular psychological self-help book that helps to improve the relationship between husband and wife and maintain a happy marriage. Reading.
author Dr. John Gray wrote in the book:
"In a relationship, communication is the most important part. Its status is unparalleled and cannot be ignored; quarrel is the most destructive factor."
The psychologist that Saike talked about also said:
"Communication is the first key to solving marital problems, and one of the most important keys. Communication can solve most marital problems."
Between husband and wife , Communication on the basis of mutual respect is a "magic bullet" to prevent marriage from being defeated by the trivialities of life.
If you can learn empathy and tolerance,Then, your marriage must be accompanied by happiness.
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