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01
once had a friend who told me this after breaking up: "I and her are not the same people after all, obviously not at the same level. I can’t get along with her in her circle. I can’t afford the things she uses and I really want to love her. But I have no ability. Even if she doesn't break up with me, I will give up sooner or later." The word "level" mentioned in his sentence is very important. Whether it is making friends or falling in love, I want to use this Two words. The most important thing about a comfortable relationship is that the two people are of the same level and there is no pressure between them. Although the key point of
is easy to understand and easy to remember, many people will ignore it unknowingly. The reason is: they want to love and marry a good person without thinking about it, and feel that good talent meets their own requirements. The people that this kind of person yearns for are often people who can't afford it, that is, people who are not at the same level.
The friend mentioned earlier has this problem in his relationship. Although he has climbed up to a better woman than himself, because of the different levels, their lives cannot be integrated at all. Of course, the final outcome is not It will be better.
02
The following reader mentioned that her brother-in-law’s marriage also has the problem of "different levels". Let’s listen to what she said:
"Once, not only did I think my brother-in-law’s marriage was happy, my mother and Others think so too, because my sister-in-law is very beautiful, and although my brother is not handsome but capable, he is a good match.
In fact, there have always been problems between them, but it is not obvious from the surface, only they know the problem. It can be said that they got married with problems, and they were not sure whether to get married or not.
My sister-in-law married my brother for a straightforward purpose, which is to make my brother strong and able to make money. However, for my brother, although she is beautiful, she is only good-looking on the outside and not good on the inside. Because she has many bad habits, my brother has been tolerating her bad habits, thinking that she will change over time, so she brought I got married by chance.
However, after getting married, my sister-in-law's bad habits have not changed, but have become worse. She seems to feel that she has married my brother and everything is going well. As long as she doesn't mention the divorce, my brother will never divorce her, so she always has no family and always stays with some of her friends.
is she who made me realize that not only men have fox friends, but women also have fox friends. She spends more time with her friends than with my brother. Of course, my brother has opinions, because this seriously deviates from his understanding of the standard of a good wife.
finally divorced because my sister-in-law betrayed the marriage, and the other party was one of her friends. My brother had a big opinion of her, and she betrayed her marriage again. To my brother, she was a hopeless person. Of course he would choose to divorce.
When they first got divorced, everyone was surprised. My mother asked my brother in a reproachful tone, "Son, your daughter-in-law is so beautiful, why are you divorced?"
My brother's answer was straightforward: "beautiful It doesn’t mean it’s clean. You should pay attention to this problem when you buy fruits. Although some fruits are beautiful on the outside, they are rotten on the inside. My ex-wife belongs to this kind of person. Although she is not the fruit I bought home, she is me. A wife who spends a lot of money to marry, I want to live together, but she is in a mess, how can I live with her? Marrying a wife is not for admiration. If you can't live, you should throw it away as soon as possible!"
He explained to my mother When it was time, it was very popular. But when I explained it to me, it rose to a higher level, and I talked about the "level" issue: "Although I am not a person of high level, I am much taller than your sister-in-law. Actually, I was early I knew that she was not of high level, but because I always had a fluke, thinking that she would change, so I got married. It turned out that she was so bad that she couldn’t change it!”
because I didn’t know what “level” was at that time. What do you mean? I want to pave the way for my feelings in advance, so I asked him: How to judge a person's level?
He told me three points: "First, it depends on whether his three views are upright or not, and whether it meets the conventional standards; secondly, it depends on which kind of circle he mixes with; the other is how he treats his feelings and how he treats his feelings.Attitude, what is the attitude towards the opposite sex. If you are just making friends, just judge the first two points; but if you are in a relationship, you must pay attention to these three points at the same time! "Although
does not know if it will be useful to me, it sounds reasonable. I hope to help me when I choose love in the future." It’s just a bit too simple, let’s go a little deeper.
He mentioned the "conventional standards" of the three views and the difference between making friends and falling in love. This is specifically: to judge a person’s level, a reference is needed. . Just like judging right and wrong, if there is no reference standard, there is no right or wrong.
There are two reference standards for judging a person's level: one is the "conventional standard" and the other is your own standard.
first You have to make sure that you are a person of not low level, so that you are qualified to comment on the level of others, otherwise, if your own level is very low, you don’t know what is going on at a high level, you can’t judge.
If your level is not low, you will naturally understand what is a conventional standard and what a high standard is. On this basis, the conclusion can be accurate through the three aspects mentioned by the older brother.
First of all, three views or say In terms of concepts, the difference between high and low refers to whether the three views are right or wrong. Only when the three views are right can they meet the conventional standards, and vice versa. If a person does a lot of positive energy on the basis of the three views, Naturally, the level will not be low.
Secondly, in terms of circles, what we pay attention to is "things are gathered together in groups, and people are divided into groups". If a circle where a person is mixed is disgusting, if the people in the circle are all low-level people, then this person The level of is not high, because his taste and aesthetics determine his level.
is feelings in the end. A person’s attitude towards feelings does not exist independently, and is directly related to the above two points. The three views and circles are very positive. People who treat feelings are not bad, knowing what “doing something and not doing something” means; conversely, people with unhealthy perspectives and circles can only use the term “chaos” to describe their attitude toward feelings. After understanding this fact, it is easy to reverse the calculation: from a person’s attitude towards feelings, one can judge whether his three views and circles are right or wrong. If it is wrong, the level is definitely not high.
