Judging from the conclusion, for most people, the most rational choice in love is to become a scumbag or a scumbag to a certain extent, to obtain the highest love effect and avoid as much pain as possible.
Psychological motivation: reproduction is more important than love.
From the perspective of evolutionary psychology, all the behaviors between the opposite sex of human beings serve the reproduction of offspring. The meaning of love exists only at the social level, not the necessity for population reproduction.
Of course, if we involve Master Freud or Master Jung and introduce the concept of libido, it will also show that the original desire is actually out of touch with marriage or love. One is the energy source of the id. One is the social restriction of the superego.
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libido is used to express instinct specifically in Freud's theory. It is one of the important contents of Freud's theory of sexual desire. In layman's terms, no matter what you want to do, the most This is the power source of the inner core, which represents the original desire. There is a saying that human beings are just the host of genes, and all human functions serve the desire of gene reproduction. Genes are the noumenon, and people are born as tools of genes.
and this determines the collective subconsciousness of human beings. It is the most basic and most important source of power. You may not be aware of its existence, but it controls the tone of your life.
" The collective subconscious mind of
reflects the collective experience in the process of human evolution. It arises from the common experience of all mankind. Its content is essentially the same for all humans and is universally shared, so its content can be everywhere. Find it. For example, if there is a fire approaching, even if you don't feel the heat, you will go back.
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rationality is not for consciousness, but for individual needs. Consciousness is only the tip of the iceberg of needs, and the subconscious and collective subconscious can better represent real needs.
Therefore, from a psychological point of view, expands potential breeding targets, even if it does not conform to the moral ethics or legal system, this is a fully motivated .
Economic perspective: the expectation of maximizing the utility of love
First of all, the existence of a spare tire, a third party or an ambiguous object is the optimal solution to the game between prisoners in love. Especially when the trust between the two parties is not high or the sense of security is scarce. The simple explanation of
is that the best situation is that both parties are single-minded, and both can enjoy the sourness of love...no, sweet. But if there is a turbulent undercurrent, the other party will get a triple crit after knowing it. However, if both parties have black-box operations, they may be peaceful or break up peacefully.
Then, the love utility is often missing. The three major elements of love include passion, commitment and intimacy . Passion has a shelf life of less than 2 years. Commitments vary from person to person and are often unreliable. Intimacy also depends on the IQ and personality fit of both parties.
So most of the love affair is missing in these three, so it is easier to seek the fill of the off-site audience.
Finally, the phenomenon of bad money driving out good money also exists in the love market. Men are shallower than visual pleasing, while women are shallower than perceptual pleasing . When the general sense of trust is not strong and the problem of information asymmetry is difficult to solve (the two parties in a relationship have a poor understanding), superficiality is an effective solution to avoid the problem and normalize the mentality . And this market will also circulate more and more people and romances who are easy to get superficial happiness.
Did you see that many of the economic factors are related to trust and security . This is also an important reason for the emergence of brand effects and commodity premiums in the economy and society. And this is actually like an invisible hand, naturally allows many people to follow the most relaxed choice and talk about a love with many spare tires. There is a problem with
: there are always two sides to everything
We have said so many "reasonableness" and "inevitability" that exist, and we must talk about the problem.
is like being caught by someone causing the social death of . It hurts if you lose the watermelon and picking sesame seeds.
After all, most people are nothing more than two kinds of psychology: freshness chasing and normalized love to maintain . The corresponding two basic logics are to maximize Happy feeling and minimize painful experience .
But this is like cooking. Eggs are good eggs and tomatoes are good persimmons, but they can’t make tomato scrambled eggs together. In fact, the main problem of
is that, combining the psychological and economic factors mentioned in the previous two points, we have entered into a relationship that is not like love. A close example of
is that when you want to eat a cake, you will be happier than just giving you a strawberry mousse, or putting you on a large table of dazzling desserts. But when you finish eating many delicacies, you will find that you have no impression of these desserts.
But if you only eat one strawberry mousse, whether you are full or not, your mind is very impressed with this only dessert and feels clear.
And if you are accustomed to eating more often, your taste buds may be degraded, and weight gain will become more and more difficult to satisfy. It’s the same if you talk too much about love, feel dull, and automatically hold an attitude of avoiding or tampering with the next one.
And although I said at the beginning what the most rational choice is, love in is not a rational thing. So if you take personal feelings into account, the initial conclusion may be much more complicated, and will not be discussed here.
: How to deal with the other half who may be scum
Actually, my trick may be a bit cruel. Like those taught in some tutorials, it’s too simple to see if you are good at ambiguousness, whether there is over-packaging or checking information on your phone.
, after all, is one foot high and the magic is high, these techniques often only evolve into mutual suspicion and fighting wits.
So I teach you a very practical method, regardless of high, middle and low grades, all applicable, and powerful and effective.
First, identify the opponent’s personality defect . This may sound difficult. After all, everyone usually hides their own weaknesses or problems. Who would expose them so easily?
In fact, if you look at the other person perfectly, it means that you have not entered the other person's intimate circle. If you are familiar with the other person, personality defects must exist and be discoverable.
For example, how difficult it is for cunning people to trust others, those who are willing to help others are often difficult for self-growth, leadership personality is difficult for being alone, and so on. The discovery of personality defects is to grasp the clues of behavior pattern and psychological complex . A very simple logic of
is, if you are passionately in love, pay attention to the people that the other person meets with the same passion. If you are in companionship, observe the subconscious intimacy and tone of the other person. If you are in a committed relationship, logically initiate some challenges occasionally and observe the development plan beyond the promise.
Secondly, grasp the other party's social lifeline . It's not that you have to put yourself in the other's circle of friends, or control the other's social interaction, this will only speed up the other's escape. A wiser approach is to reflect the importance of your role at key social nodes.
For example, in some commercial cooperation, there is a situation of "madam diplomacy". This is the classic scenario of integrating the roles of both parties in partners.
Finally, it is the close binding of interests . In addition to getting married, it can also be realized in the form of resource sharing or resource transfer. Whether it is binding at the legal level or at the moral level, at the agreement level, and at the family ethics level.
From my personal point of view, the matter of scum is different from person to person, one thing falls one thing. After all the theoretical guidance and rational analysis, I feel that many things go back to their origins. If the TA treats you as scum, it is likely to directly reflect the problem you get along with, and the deep-seated response is personality compatibility. It's not as long as you like it or feel comfortable. Therefore, it is more useful to have kind thoughts in mind and face it positively than tools and methods of supervision and control.
