Wen|Zhu Shenyong
Netizens asked:
Last year, my husband said that the company's business development requires a long-term business trip and will be away from home for more than 3 months. In order to support his career development, I am not happy, but I still agree.
Later, I found that their company was not very profitable during that time, and the work was not busy, and there was no need for long-term business trips. I asked someone to investigate, and the results shocked me. He was not on a business trip, but lived with a woman. He was with that woman for seven years.
We have been married for 9 years, and our daily life is plain and ordinary, but I think this is the normal state of married life. Some freshness will always be worn away. He is very busy at work and often works overtime until 11 or 12 in the evening, Saturday and week. Do not go home on the day. I thought he was reused by the company, but I didn't expect to have other women out there. After
received the information, I challenged him with the evidence, asked him to give me an explanation, and told him to sever with the woman outside. Unexpectedly, he refused to go home and stayed with that woman for more than a month. He only replied to me when I approached him because of my child.
I threatened him with his parents, and he went home. After he came back, the atmosphere at home was frighteningly cold, and my daughter was also affected. She often hid in her house and cried by herself. She once asked secretly, "Mom, dad do you not We are", I feel particularly uncomfortable.
Last month, he suddenly filed for a divorce, saying that he was willing to go out of the house, and then began to pack his luggage, his daughter cried and hugged him hard, crying dad not to leave, and I did not want to divorce. Why do you just end up with so many years of love? Why does he love that woman so much and be so cruel to us mother and daughter?
I feel very sad, I don’t want to fulfill them, and my daughter is now in kindergarten, just when it is time to spend money. I am now at home full-time, and the main expenses at home depend on him. Still broken.
What should I do? Is our marriage still worth saving?
Zhu Shenyong's answer:
first, use the "five standards to save marriage" to measure your marriage
You must know that not all marriages are worth saving. It will be bad for you and your children if the marriage that should be kept barely maintained. The five criteria of
are: what is your relationship foundation, do you have enough knowledge before marriage, do you actively intend to get married? Is there a development in marriage, is there a common accumulation of wealth, is there a common good memory? How satisfied is the marriage? To what extent can the conflict and crisis of marriage be resolved? What is the willingness of both parties to continue the marriage? If two of the above criteria are met, the marriage must be saved.
Second, analyze the pattern of your marriage.
Your husband and lover have been together for 7 years. Why have you been together for a divorce now? There must be a reason. If you want to find out why your husband wants to divorce, you can start from here.
In fact, this also released a signal: the lover is in a hurry. why? It is very likely that in the past 7 years, your husband has always promised her a divorce, but there has been no movement, and then she became anxious.
She might say to your husband, "You must divorce your wife, or we will break up." The purpose of a lover like
is very clear, she just wants to counterattack and drive you away.
Third, you have to master your husband’s mind
Your husband has concealed you for 7 years, which also means that he fooled his lover for 7 years. This shows that they are not true love. If it is true love, he will immediately go out and marry her. .
Your husband has dragged on for 7 years before thinking about divorce. The most likely reason is that he is being persecuted by his lover.
He wants to stabilize his lover through divorce first. I have seen many men mention divorce with their wives, but when their wives really hold the divorce agreement, he persuaded.
Therefore, when a man says he is willing to go out of the house, it’s okay, first sign the divorce property agreement, and wait until he signs it and then step by step, the property is in your hands, don’t be afraid.
Fourth, the husband and wife talks
frankly tell your husband how you feel in your heart. He must be dissatisfied with you at the beginning. You have to accept these accusations and let him stabilize his emotions, he will naturally tell you his thoughts.
Of course, you don’t need to care whether his thoughts are true or not, we are just looking at hisAttitude, when the collection is complete, we have a way to help you win this marriage defense battle.
Fifth, the tripartite talks
After the husband and wife talks are over, ask the woman in your old convention to have the tripartite talks. There may be many meetings with her, depending on her choice of this extramarital relationship, her attitude, and the difficulty of disconnecting from your husband.
Sixth, always maintain a positive attitude
Many sisters do not understand, I am about to divorce, and the remarks that make me look at the problem positively are all chicken soup. In fact, if you change your mind, they have been together for 7 years, and now they are getting divorced, which shows that this extramarital relationship is also in a dangerous situation.
's war with extramarital relationships is a psychological war. It involves how to improve the quality of marriage, how to improve communication skills, and how to deal with conflicts. It also involves your bottom line.
Author: Zhu Yong body, Fudan MBA, marriage management school founder, author of the bestseller "affair governance"
