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from small to large, many people tell us not to be selfish, to be more generous and selfless. As
grows up, we will hear another voice, saying that it is better to be selfish, and how to be selfish.
Some people are completely confused by these two views, because in their opinion, these two views are contradictory. They say not to be selfish for a while, and then they say to be selfish. What is right?
In fact, these two views are not contradictory, because the "selfishness" expressed by each is not the same kind of selfishness. You think selfishness is contradictory because you understand only one kind of selfishness, and it is derogatory selfishness. The word
is just like kindness, not just one meaning. Of course it doesn't matter to be kind to kind people. But being kind to unkind people will encounter things like "farmers and snakes". The same is true for selfishness. Of course you should not be selfish for kind people, but for unkind people, you will be calculated if you are not selfish.
As for the specific meaning of the double meaning of selfishness, let's explain through a few cases, you will know.
"You are not short of money, why are you so stingy?"
once had a friend complain to one of her best friends, saying:
"When she had no money to spend, I kindly lent her money, As a result, when she was rich, and when I needed the money, she was indifferent. Even though I mustered up the courage to ask her to pay her back, she remained indifferent, as if she was deliberately looking at my jokes. Bad idea, "Didn't you buy a lot of luxury goods? Just sell a few of them and you can spend money. Why don't you just stare at the little money I owe you? You are not short of money, why are you so stingy? "This friend
is generous and unselfish to her girlfriends, but her girlfriends are very selfish. The selfishness of her girlfriends is derogatory selfishness, selfishness, selfishness, self-interest, crossing rivers and bridges, farmers and snakes.
If you don't have the derogatory selfishness, you should stay away from people like her girlfriends. If she owes money and doesn't pay it back, you should be cruel to her. After you get back what belongs to you, you should make a clean break.
"I don't have money to find your mother, I'm just your mother-in-law!" A reader of
once told me about her mother-in-law and ex-husband, saying:
"Since I got married to my mother-in-law, I have been counted by my mother-in-law. She pretended to be sick and said that she needed money, and I gave it; she lied that her uncle wanted to buy a house and asked me to help, and I gave it; then she said that a relative needed help and asked me to borrow money, and I gave it again. In fact, all the money I gave her went to her own pocket.
I thought I would lend a helping hand when she needed help. When I needed help, she would treat me the same way. As a result, when I needed money one day, I didn’t tell her to pay it back, but just asked her Borrowing money, she turned against me, "I have no money to find your mother, I am just your mother-in-law, and I am not obligated to give you a penny!"
I thought my ex-husband would help me, but he turned out to be a "big filial son", indiscriminately She was kidding her mother-in-law and said the same thing on the other hand, "Lack of money to find your mother, don't find my mother, my mother does not owe you a penny!"
My selflessness is exchanged for selfishness. This fact makes me unacceptable. Only divorce, otherwise just seeing my ex-husband and mother-in-law will make me feel sick! The reader of
is right. Not only is she not selfish, she is also very selfless, which is in sharp contrast with her mother-in-law and ex-husband. It was not wrong for her to choose a divorce in the end, because the behavior of her mother-in-law and ex-husband caused a serious imbalance in her heart. Letting such a marriage continue will only torture herself!
"Go find your ex-husband to remarry, he is rich!" What another friend said when referring to her mother was also selfish:
"My mother had already made a fortune when I married my ex-husband, but She was still not satisfied. After I got married, I used various excuses to ask my ex-husband for money. Even though I criticized her in public, she still asked for money without telling me. As a result, my ex-husband could not bear it. My mother-in-law had complaints. The marriage was broken up by my mother.
If my mother can repent and rehabilitate after breaking up my marriage and treat me better, I will not hate her. sadThe thing is, not only did she not understand my difficulties, but also worried about my divorced property and ordered me to hand over the divorced property to my brother to buy a house.
I asked her, "Money bought a house for my brother, how do I live my life?"
Her answer chilled me, "Go to your ex-husband to remarry, anyway, he has money!"
I am really speechless and dare not. Believing that she is my biological mother, has she forgotten why I divorced? Not only will my ex-husband not remarry me, but I also have no face to look for him to remarry.
This time, I didn't compromise any more, and left the sentence "I don't want the night scene to be bleak, I must leave a way out, my divorce property is my way out" and ran away from home, really never want to go back to that home. "Z1z
self-proprietary derogation and praise, can you distinguish it?"
categorizes selfish people based on the above three cases. They can be divided into two types:
The first type is the selfish people mentioned in the above three cases. They are actually the same kind of people, and their selfishness is derogatory. Their selfishness is at the expense of others, no matter how much loss they will bring to others, regardless of whether they live happily or not, when the people who have helped them need help, they will not help, even fall into trouble and bite back.
The second type of selfish person refers to those who are responsible for themselves and who know how to love themselves. The difference between this kind of people and the first kind is that they think about what I have, what I want to protect, and what else I can earn through my own efforts. The way they earn wealth never involves self-interest, and it's all relying on their own hands. Since their wealth is earned by their own hands, when the first type of selfish people start to calculate, they choose to refuse and firmly guard their wealth, which is a reasonable selfishness.
To be a human being, if you want to be respected by others, if you want to live with a clear conscience, you must be the second kind of selfish person and stay away from the first kind of selfish person. Only in this way can you protect yourself and love yourself at the same time Make money and love yourself better after making money.
From this perspective, the above three confidants should adjust their mentality, stop being blind and kind, stop being blind and selfless, but be a reasonable and selfish person, so that you can live your life. The way I want, I hope other people do the same.
