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@Anonymous: Hello, I really can’t hold back such a confusion and want to talk to you. It seems that my life is okay now, my work and love are stable, but for some reason I always feel vaguely uneasy.
I am a very insecure person. Because I was raised by a single mother, I always feel that my partner will leave at any time, even if we are fine now. Want to hear which moments make you feel most secure? Did I overlook something? grateful.
Simply judging from this content, it is most likely the sequelae caused by the original family. It is indeed easy for people to lose their sense of security when something is missing from the environment in which they grew up.
For example, if you see your parents quarreling, you will think that marriage is nothing more than that; if you see cheating, you will think that love is ridiculous. Watching these naked incidents of human nature happen one after another, the impact at all is not fake.
Maybe you look like the kind of "other people's child" - you have a good handle on work and love, and you are a very happy person. But as the person involved, you are frightened most of the time.
But, the sense of security is also very uncertain. It seems to belong to the category of " can only be understood but not expressed", so I can't talk about anything.
However, I can share with you some discoveries along the way about the "security" we are all striving for.
Being too honest makes me feel the urge to vomit when I see human nature - ah! Look at her, yesterday she was constantly complaining about her friends behind her back, but today she is smiling like a flower in front of others, and her praises are true and false.
I’ve seen so many people that it’s hard to trust anyone. Therefore, when you are in love, even if the partner treats you well, you can't help but work hard to find "evidence" that is not good.
People who lack a sense of security often long for others to provide them with a sense of security.
But, as everyone said: "Security can never be sought outside, and it is never outside this world. It is the peace of your inner world."
If you think about it carefully, it is indeed the case.
The flowers you want can be delicious if you buy them yourself; the bread you want can be delicious if you pick them yourself. If you wait for others to buy and choose for you, they may end up pretending not to know, or they may buy the wrong thing.
In the end, you will still be disappointed and become even more insecure.
So, what are the moments that make you feel most secure? Now I will say: " It's probably the time when I know that a sense of security can only be given by myself."
After all, " What is self-sufficient is called security, and what others give is always a matter of gain and loss."
Especially when I saw the year-end summary of the writer Alain de Botton, I became even more convinced that this is the correct way to open up a sense of security.
He said this: "You asked me what progress I have made? I started to become my own friend."
Learn to get along with yourself and give yourself love and care. That sense of security comes from the inside out and is real. After switching to this kind of thinking, everything that comes and goes in the world will seem less disturbing.
Therefore, you can also choose a quiet time to think about it for yourself: What is the sense of security you want? Does it have to be obtained from others, the outside world?
Perhaps after you figure out these problems, you will no longer be panicked.
Some people say: "Love is not a siege, love is the process of getting rid of the siege."
And the "love" mentioned here, in addition to the love for the person you love, also includes the love for yourself.
If you want peace of mind, you probably have to rely on yourself. Because this is not someone else’s heart, it’s yours. Only you can control all your feelings.
So, cherish what you have and have a strong heart.
Best wishes.
Please comment in the message area # Which moments make you feel most secure?
[Bixin] The unabridged version of the original text is here:
