Some people say: "A woman's most perfect life is flowers and happiness all the way."
It's a pity that not every woman can live her own life well. Some women live like princesses, and their lives are as sweet as honey; while some women live like resentful women, and their lives are as miserable as continuous.
There is a topic on the Internet: Why is the stronger the desire to control, the more women are away from happiness?
has a very insightful answer: the tighter the is, the faster it loses.
Each of us is an independent individual, and no one likes to be controlled by others.
Whether it is a gender relationship or a parent-child relationship, it is difficult for women who have too strong control to have a good ending.
01 Because of square dance, my wife filed for divorce
Review of the incident: In the picture, the woman who fell in the mediator's arms and cried loudly is called Huang Lingling (pseudonym), while the indifferent man is called Liu Jinguo (pseudonym). Huang Lingling and her husband Liu Jinguo have been married for 45 years. Both of them have a considerable pension and have a very happy life in their later years.
Seeing Huang Lingling crying too sad, the mediator was a little unable to resist, so he tried to call Liu Jinguo to come over and hug his wife and comfort her, but Liu Jinguo was smoking a cigarette on the side as if he was not concerned about his own affairs, and said coldly: "I can't do it, my tears can't flow out."
The young couple is accompanying each other in old age. As a model husband, why did Liu Jinguo suddenly look at his extremely sad wife?
Huang Lingling said that she is already 71 years old. After retirement, in order to enjoy her old age, she and her husband specially changed into a new house. She worked hard for most of her life. She thought that the elderly could enjoy it, but her husband, who had been supporting each other, suddenly filed for divorce with her. This sudden blow was a bolt from the blue for her.
Regarding the reasons for her husband's divorce, Huang Lingling said that it was all because he was obsessed with dancing square dance. Some time ago, rumors about her husband and female dance partner were spread everywhere in the community. At that time, she still swears that her husband must be a fool of others, but when she saw her husband dancing with the woman in the square, her heart was mostly cold.
Since discovering this secret, Huang Lingling has also noticed many subtle changes in her husband. For example, he began to pay special attention to his appearance and then secretly bought a lot of health products for himself. All signs indicate that her husband must have had a situation outside. Huang Lingling said that she and her husband met on a blind date, and she was fascinated by her husband's handsome appearance and talent at first sight. Over the years, although her husband has been nice to her, she has always been inferior and insecure. Now that she sees her husband has another woman in her heart, her spirit has been greatly hit and she has suffered a long period of insomnia. The doctor even diagnosed her with mild depression and .
02 One wants to catch, the other wants to escape
So, did Liu Jinguo really want to divorce his wife because he changed his mind because of dancing square dance? When the mediator met Liu Jinguo, the 71-year-old was in good spirits and looked very energetic. Regarding the rumors about him, he explained that he and his dance partner were innocent.
Liu Jinguo said that his wife is domineering and strong, and always likes to control her life. For her, she has given up many entertainment hobbies. Dance square dance is his only reserved item for physical exercise. In order to compete with her dance skills, sometimes there is inevitably some physical contact and verbal communication with her dance partner. It may be because of this that a misunderstanding occurs, but in fact, he doesn’t even know which community the other party lives in.
Regarding the divorce, Liu Jinguo explained that square dance was just a fuse, and Huang Lingling's distrust of herself and her almost crazy desire to control her is the fundamental. He said that his wife always likes to interfere in her life and especially likes to compare herself with other men. Since she suspected that she had an affair with her dance partner, Huang Lingling became even more eccentric, and even went through the window to her room in the middle of the night to check her phone.The reason why he proposed divorce was not a momentary impulse, but because he had accumulated too much grievance and dissatisfaction over the years.
It turns out that due to differences in living habits, Huang Lingling and her husband turned on the separation mode after retirement, but the windows between the two bedrooms are connected. In order to verify their own conjecture, Huang Lingling made such a risky move. However, the facts prove that there is no wind and waves. The rumors about her husband are based on facts. There is actually a young and beautiful woman in her 50s hidden in her husband's mobile phone.
From rumors flying around to evidence now, Huang Lingling's emotions were completely out of control. Thinking that the man who had been with her for most of her life suddenly betrayed her for a young woman, and finally blamed all the blame for her overly strong personality, she felt that she was simply more unfair than Dou E and .
In order to prove his innocence, Liu Jinguo specially brought the mediator and his wife to the square where he danced again. Seeing that the square was crowded with people, everyone gathered here for physical exercise, and the so-called physical contact was just normal dance moves, Huang Lingling felt relieved.
Liu Jinguo said that this is not the first time Huang Lingling has doubted herself for no reason because of a woman's problem. Once, the wine in the wine cabinet at home suddenly decreased a few bottles. His wife insisted that she secretly gave the wine to another woman. But after rummaging through the boxes and the cabinet, she found that it was her wife who hid the wine. In addition, his wife would also direct and act in some dramas at home from time to time to frame himself and arrange various scandals between himself and other women, leaving him unable to argue.
In addition, Huang Lingling is also very sensitive. She likes to take the role of her casual words, and then pulls herself to make a big fuss, which makes him exhausted.
Regarding the reason why she was always suspicious, Huang Lingling told the mediator a secret hidden in her heart for many years. It turned out that she and her husband worked in the unit back then. Because of the family planning policy , they could only have one child, but she was really reluctant to give up the second child that came unexpectedly, so she secretly gave birth to a family in the countryside and adopted it. As a result, because of the intentional instigation of the adoptive father and mother, the child did not recognize her as her biological mother. It was precisely because of this that she could not trust the people around her at all. When Huang Lingling complained about her husband, she kept talking. She said that she had been married for many years and her husband was indifferent to herself. Before, she had to have surgery because of uterine prolapse . Her husband not only refused to take care of her but also refused to sign the operation, which made her feel very disappointed. She hopes that the mediator can help her judge, resolve her inner grievances, and judge who is wrong more.
Seeing Huang Lingling criticizing all the time, while Liu Jinguo was smoking a cigarette and silently. The mediator quickly interrupted her. In order to ease the conflict between the couple, the mediator opened the knot in his heart through some interactions, and finally agreed to give each other another 3 months to change himself and see if this marriage that has been maintained for 45 years can continue.
03 Emotional Analysis
Some people say that people with strong desire for control all come from the anxiety in their hearts.
They are afraid of losing control and hope that everything in life can be carried out according to their own wishes. But their approach will not only suffocate the people around them, but also they will suffer very much.
Huang Lingling always wants to tie her husband to her because of her inferiority complex. However, the more suspicious and strong she is, the more her husband wants to escape, and the more painful she herself is.
Happy marriages are always similar, while unhappy marriages are different. In this marriage, we have seen a lot of conflicts between husband and wife, the control of the wife, constant complaints, husband's indifference and refusal to communicate, which made each other exhausted in this marriage that had lasted for 45 years
I have heard a saying: The relationship between husband and wife is not about dressing and eating, having children, but about nourishing each other, achieving each other, and improving the level of life.
Internal consumable marriages are different. They do not nourish each other, they only consume each other, blame each other, and complain about each other. Internal marriage is essentially a long and lasting war of psychological attrition, which is more due to the incomprehension of both partners. Or in other words, both partners stand from their respective perspectives, only seeing their own grievances, but not seeing the efforts of others. When your eyes are only focused on yourself, you will be dissatisfied, angry, and complain, and the other party is not aware of your emotional transformation process. As a result, conflicts arise, quarrels arise, and marriage becomes precarious.
Good intimacy should nourish energy rather than over-consuming energy.
The internal friction in marriage comes from the incomprehension of both partners. To solve the internal friction pattern in marriage, you must first learn to see the other party’s strengths and efforts, rather than just blame and complain; secondly, you must learn to manage your emotions well. When negative emotions appear, don’t use quarrels and belittlements to stimulate the other party, but adjust yourself first.
Internal marriage seems to be a problem with the marriage, but essentially, there is a problem with the husband and wife.
Instead of being disappointed in marriage, it is better to find the reasons from yourself.
Topic discussion today: How do you view this marriage that lasted for 45 years?
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