01
received a letter from a reader. The content of the letter is as follows:
Fat Fish, I have been following you for more than two years. Now I have encountered some emotional things and I want to ask you for advice.
Last Saturday, I went to work overtime early in the morning. It was the end of the year and I was really busy with work. At noon, my boyfriend Zhao Yang called me and asked me where I was. I told him that I was working overtime.
Unexpectedly, he said that it was boring for him to eat alone, so he asked me to go and have dinner with him.
I said, I'm really busy, I don't have time at noon, and I'll be with him tonight when I finish my work. I want to say a few more words, Zhao Yang has already hung up the phone.
Wait for me to go to Zhao Yang tonight. As soon as I met, he got angry with me and said: Why are you doing so hard? Who doesn't know you can do it? If you have time with me, you don’t have time, you have time when you work. Do you think I’m not worthy?
I was stunned for a moment, feeling very wronged, and said: I have been working for a day, and after finishing my work, I quickly took a taxi to find you. What are you saying?
was also angry when he saw me. Zhao Yang pulled my hand and said in a low voice: I just want to spend more time with you. So I get annoyed when I hear you work...
Since he gave me a step, I also went downstairs and said: When I work overtime, you can read books, and you forgot that we agreed to make progress together and work hard to make money to buy a house.
Zhao Yang stopped seeing it and quickly apologized to me and said he was wrong.
02
On the way back after dinner, the atmosphere was very good at the beginning. I almost arrived at the place where I rented. Zhao Yang said: Susu, you are so busy working in the past six months, otherwise, after the New Year, you can quit and change to a relaxed job. Look at which girl is as busy as you, and her boyfriend can't find anyone even if he wants to date.
I said: Easy work means earning less money. So when can we save enough money for the down payment?
Unexpectedly, Zhao Yang suddenly lost his temper and said: Money, money, you only have money in your eyes, are you still me?
I answered without hesitation, of course there is!
Zhao Yang said: You always say you love me, and I feel insecure. To prove your love for me, you should not resign, right?
I looked at him incredibly. He also said, I'm serious.
I broke free from Zhao Yang's hand and left angrily, ignoring him calling me from behind.
Since I was promoted half a year ago, I have more and more conflicts with Zhao Yang, and I can feel that he wants to control me more and more. As I saw my income getting higher and higher, he was unhappy and even a little scared.
Before my promotion, my salary was nearly 6,000 per month. In this third-tier small town, it is more than enough to compare with the upper and lower levels. After promotion, I have 10,000 yuan a month, and my work is busier than before, but I think it is more fulfilling and valuable.
As my boyfriend, Zhao Yang is pulling me back.
When I met Zhao Yang, his salary was 4,000 per month. We have been dating for nearly two years, but his salary is still so much.
However, what I value is Zhao Yang's kindness to me. He doesn't make much money, so I can make up for it.
But now I obviously feel that I am getting tired more and more when I am with him.
03
Zhao Yang and I are junior high school classmates. When we were in high school, we were admitted to different schools. After the college entrance examination, Zhao Yang studied in a junior college, I studied in a bachelor's degree, and I also studied in a postgraduate degree.
Originally, my job in Shenzhen was pretty good, but my dad was ill and had been in the hospital for a long time. My mom was gone when I was very young. I have been thinking about it for a long time and plan to go back to my hometown so that I can be closer to my dad and spend more time with him.
The small county where my father is located is less than an hour's drive from the city where I work now. It is convenient for me to go back to see him, and he will come to see me when I have time.
In fact, I am not very adaptable when I came back from Shenzhen, and the salary and benefits I found are very different. Since I decided to come back and take root, I had to try my best to adapt, but sometimes I still felt a little overwhelmed.
I didn’t expect that I met Zhao Yang at the most difficult time.It’s a coincidence that I went shopping alone that day. When I was picking gadgets in a handicraft store, I suddenly came to my head and asked me: Are you Chen Su?
I was stunned for a moment and asked the man opposite him with a smile, who are you?
His face is very familiar, I'm sure I've seen it. I just couldn't remember it for a while.
The man smiled and said to me: I am Zhao Yang, you forgot that we were in the same class when we were in junior high school.
When he said this, I suddenly remembered. Zhao Yang said that he originally planned to go to the store next to buy men's clothing, but unexpectedly, when he looked up, he felt that my figure seemed familiar. He followed in and saw that it was me.
At noon that day, Zhao Yang invited me to a meal and we talked about the latest situation. I only realized that he was in a good unit and relied on relatives to come in. He is currently a contract worker. Zhao Yang admired me very much when he learned that I was a graduate student.
We had a very happy chat. When we parted, Zhao Yang added me on WeChat. Later, he sent me a message if he had something to do or not.
When I learned that I had just come back and was not very adapted to the workplace environment here, Zhao Yang would comfort me and encourage me every time.
04
3
3m after reunited, Zhao Yang confessed to me that it was that day that we were together. After
was together, Zhao Yang and I made plans. He worked hard to read books and strived to pass the exam and become a regular, and I still need to take two valuable professional certificates.
In the next year, every day after get off work, I would read books and study, and I passed the exam for both certificates. Zhao Yang failed to pass the line after taking the exam once, and later asked him to take the exam, and he said he wanted to take a break.
I didn't care about him either, after all, he is an adult and has his own plan. I just told him that we all have to work harder because we have to buy a house to get married and rely on ourselves.
My dad is a retired worker and his monthly pension is less than 3,000. Zhao Yang's dad died unexpectedly when he was in high school, and only her mother was left. Her mother works in the supermarket and the money she earned was enough for her own life. His family's conditions are also average, even worse than mine.
I didn’t look down on Zhao Yang, and I really wanted to work for the future with him. After I got together with
, I found that he was particularly concerned about my postgraduate degree. Every time he said that he was stupid and couldn't even pass the good university. I have such a high education, he is afraid that he will not be worthy of me.
Actually, I don’t care about these things at all. I only care about his present and future, and I care about our struggle together.
I originally thought that if I was promoted and my salary increased, Zhao Yang would be happy for me. Unexpectedly, it completely aroused his inferiority complex. He tried hard to catch me, but whenever I was busy with work, he would compete with me for my job.
He always makes a lot of things when I am busy, complaining and pretending to be pitiful.
05
At the beginning, I explained to Zhao Yang, but now I am getting tired.
I can feel that I am getting better and better. He is not happy for me, but worried about himself. He was afraid that I wouldn't want him anymore, so he wanted to catch me and pull me together, not make progress, and stick to him all day long.
But that kind of life is not what I want.
I think people should work harder, and the harder they work harder, the luckier they will be. Just like me, when I first came back, I was so disappointed, and now I am like a fish in the workplace.
I no longer need Zhao Yang's comfort, nor do I rely on him anymore. This is probably the reason why he is uneasy.
However, this kind of him also scares me. Now, he actually asked me to resign.
I thought about it all night and planned to break up with Zhao Yang.
My message was sent less than half an hour later, Zhao Yang came to him and said he would not break up with me. He was wrong, beg me to forgive him. I don't want to quit, so I won't quit.
I said, actually the problem between me and him is not resignation at all.
He asked back, if it wasn't for resignation, what was it? He just felt that I was too busy and didn’t have time to accompany him, so he felt wronged, so he had a fight with me.
I don’t know if Zhao Yang really doesn’t understand, or if he doesn’t understand it. When I saw his pitiful look again, I felt a little disgusted.
I told him, I want to consider it again and let him go back first.Finally, Zhao Yang left angrily.
Fat Fish, I just wanted to ask, should I break up with Zhao Yang?
06
Thank you for your trust.
Actually, when you asked me, you already had the answer in your mind.
Zhao Yang is inferior and sensitive. He is afraid that you will not be able to catch you if you fly too high, so he will try his best to PUA you now.
You have realized this. You feel tired and wronged, so come to me to find the answer.
suggests that you chat with Zhao Yang. If he still doesn’t get into the oil and salt, then you can really consider breaking up.
Sensitivity to inferiority is Zhao Yang’s own homework and he needs to grow up. And you, don't think about saving him or changing him.
I have said many times before that a person will try hard to change unless he is really in pain and wants to change, otherwise other people will not be able to change him.
Yes, one person cannot change another person.
If you are thinking of saving and changing the other person, please give up as soon as possible, otherwise, in the end, you will be dragged into the water by him and fall into the endless abyss together.
Work is the foundation for a woman to settle down, because we will definitely gain something when we work hard, just like you, you have already tasted the sweetness, right?
. Feeling is a feeling of love. It is not that the more we give, the more we gain. It may also lose all our efforts in the end and fail.
So, what exactly do you want? You have to think about it before making a decision!
Good love is to make progress together, ferment together, and become better people together.
As women, what we are looking for is someone who encourages us to fly, watch us fly higher, the happier we smile, and strives to fly with us.
instead of a man who watched us fly but stomped his feet on the ground and sighed and cried, thinking all day long about how to tear us off. Once we are torn off and broken our wings, it will definitely be a tragedy in the end.
So, if you want to fly, fly as much as you want. For the man who pulls the line hard and prevents you from flying, you can also cut short lines, fly high by yourself, and continue to meet people who are standing side by side with you during the flight!
What do you think?
