text | xinyuling listen (author of Fushu)
Have you ever had such an experience?
It was a long time since someone else's words and was depressed because of irrelevant trivial matters.
The reason why people are flirting with each other is often not physical exhaustion, but mental overthinking.
Christophe Agg mentioned in the book: "In order to avoid the energy being consumed by other people's negative emotions, it is important to establish an emotional fire line."
And those who remain insensitized in life have already set up this emotional fire line to block other people's negative energy.
The more "slow" the negative energy of others, the higher the happiness index of life.
In the second half of the life, emotional insensitivity is the most worthy of cultivation for adults.
Kidnapped by others' emotions, it is a disaster
TV series " I'm pretty good in a foreign land ", Hu Jingjing is an optimistic and cheerful girl, and everyone around her habitually treats her as an emotional tree hole to complain and relieve worries.
Mom will vent her anger when she is unhappy and doesn't care about her inner feelings at all. My cousin passed on all the pain and despair when she was seriously ill.
friends always confide in their worries when they encounter bad things, and Hu Jingjing is regarded as an "emotional trash can".
Hu Jingjing can accept all the negative emotions of her family and friends and is willing to become their listener.
However, she forgot to care about herself. She would rather comfort others as soon as possible than talk about her sufferings whenever she meets others.
No one noticed her abnormality from beginning to end. As the garbage emotions accumulated in her heart became more and more, the depressed Hu Jingjing finally went to the end.
Cai Kangyong said: "Many people will be unconsciously kidnapped by other people's emotions and misunderstand that they are their true selves."
In life, there are always some negative energy that cannot be avoided. If you care too much, it is destined to be a disaster. I watched an animated short film. The little girl was so anxious that she couldn't chase the balloon. The kind-hearted Xiao Ming stepped forward to comfort her, but she was eroded by the black negative energy on the little girl's body. Then, Xiao Ming walked forward. In order to relieve the man who had just broken up, he once again transferred the other party's negative energy to himself. At this time, Xiao Ming was already struggling, but he still successfully persuaded a girl who wanted to commit suicide. As a result, the negative energy on the girl surrounded him again, and in the end he was overwhelmed and left silently. There is a saying that goes: Sometimes, when we live a tired life, it is not that we live too harshly, but that we are too easily infected by the external atmosphere and influenced by the emotions of others. Many times, when we find that others are unhappy, it seems difficult to ignore their emotions. If we choose to stand by, we will feel guilty inexplicably. Once others are unhappy, they feel that they have the responsibility to help the other party relieve themselves. As a result, because of excessive empathy for , they fall into painful internal friction and cannot extricate themselves. Little do you know that blindly puts other people's feelings and puts his own emotions, and ultimately overdraws himself and fulfills others. Only by not being kidnapped by other people’s emotions can one live out one’s own self in the worldly perspective; only by learning to loosen one’s own heart can one go lightly in the journey of life. Only by quitting emotional sensitivity can you get rid of internal consumption Dazai Osamu 's "Migratory Birds": "People who are too sensitive will understand the pain of others, and naturally they cannot be frank easily." is too sensitive to other people's emotions, which undoubtedly creates pain for yourself. It's like being trapped in an alley, desperately trying to escape but never finding an exit. Zhang Shaohan once said in an interview that when she first debuted, she would never convey bad emotions and attitudes to anyone. She would also ask herself from time to time: "Oh, he is unhappy today, how should I make him happier? " At that time, she would always unconsciously please others, but she only forgot to love herself first. Such sacrifice did not bring her much happiness, but instead became more unhappy. Until later, after experiencing the dark moments of best friends betrayal, relatives inserted their swords, and attacks from strangers, she no longer acted on others' faces, and no longer worried that others would be emotional and please them. In the end, she chose to do it bravely I realized true self-salvation. In reality, I was afraid that others would be unhappy and just please me, but I accumulated grievances and slandered myself. The mental internal consumption is more terrifying than the physical consumption. Only by eliminating the "toxicity" of internal consumption can the emotional "disease" be cured. Psychology instructor Huang Qituan once shared a case when he organized a grand psychology event for Thousands of people Yes. But when it was the rehearsal session, the dance leader was not seeing anyone because of something. As the time for leaving the screen was getting closer, Huang Qituan asked his colleagues angrily, why didn't he ask the team leader to arrive early? The colleague explained in embarrassment because the other party was a customer, so it was difficult to force the request, for fear that they were unhappy. Huang Qituan would not consider so much at all, if there was a problem in this link, it would affect the opening Scene, who will be responsible for the consequences? He immediately called the dance leader and politely communicated with him about the conference matters, making him realize the importance and urgency of this matter. As a result, the other party said that he would come soon. In fact, the leader has nothing to do with him, but the colleague was afraid of making them unhappy. Huang Qituan said in the book: " When we get along with people in a flattering way, we will inevitably sacrifice our needs for a long time and lose confidence in ourselves. " In life, we always care about the emotional changes of others. At the cost of suppressing our own thoughts, we quietly lose ourselves through repeated pleasing. But throughout our lives, the most important thing is not to cater to others, but to satisfy ourselves and be a person who dares to say "no". The masters who truly manage emotions have learned not to consume too much empathy and not to be overly sensitive to other people's emotions.
The masters who truly manage emotions have learned not to consume too much empathy and not to be overly sensitive to other people's emotions.
Instead of being upset by the fatigue of the years, it is better to break free from the internal friction of the vicious cycle.
The burden in my heart is removed, and my future life will be smooth.
The second half of my life is competing for emotional insensitivity
Harvard Tizo Kato said:
"Your emotions are your own private place, not someone else's racecourse. You can't control the fierce ferocity of negative information from the outside world, but you can control the inactivity in your heart. ”
We cannot stop others from becoming emotional. Only by cultivating emotional insensitivity can we get rid of the dilemma of negative emotions.
How to practice this ability? Let’s take a look at the following three suggestions:
1. Get rid of the role of "emotional savior"
Psychologist Kapman once proposed the concept of "emotional savior".
Generally speaking, in life, there are always people who think that others’ emotions should be responsible for themselves. If they don’t stand up to help the other party, they will feel guilty in their hearts.
You should know that Everyone is an independent individual. Whether it is relatives or friends, we have no responsibility or obligation to bear the pain of others.
Only by getting rid of the role of "emotional savior" and learning to maintain a sense of boundaries with the other party can we regain control of life.
2. Cultivate emotions immunity
The book "Preventing the Contagion of "Emotional Viruses"" mentions that people with super emotional immunity can wave their sleeves without taking away any negative energy.
Whether in work or life, we will inevitably be disturbed by other people's bad emotions.
Only by blocking the negative energy that comes to your face can you not be defeated by the "emotional virus".
Life is long, cultivating emotional immunity is a compulsory course for adults and also a person's most amazing ability.
3. Establish a sense of self-worth
Self-worth, in layman's terms, refers to whether a person agrees with his own intrinsic value.
Many times, we always want to exchange for a sense of existence by pleasing others, but we end up in a vortex of low value.
Family therapist Satya believes that people with high self-worth are more likely to embrace happiness in their lives.
Because they compare themselves to a gleaming diamond, wherever they go, they can bring their own light and full of energy.
So, On the road of life, we might as well learn to appreciate ourselves, affirm ourselves, and enhance our sense of value so that we will not be easily influenced by other people's behavior.
Murakami Haruki once said:
"No matter what everyone in the world says, I think my feelings are correct. No matter how others think, I will never disrupt my rhythm."
In this noisy world, we should pay more attention to our own feelings first, rather than being disrupted by others.
Only by not overly empathizing with others’ pain can we get rid of the torture of being immersed in the scene; only by not carrying the burden for others’ emotions can we move forward to the beautiful distant scenery.
I hope you will remain emotionally unsensitized, go into battle lightly, and live the rest of your life without being tired.
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