As the divorce rate continues to rise, young people's attitude towards marriage has also quietly changed. It is said that people who are older than us are really not qualified to talk to the next generation, but we can always talk about it ourselves. In fact, there are similar truths in it.
What I want to talk about today is the "big things and small things" in marriage. What is a big deal? What a trivial matter? People find that many of the causes of conflicts in marriage are very trivial and trivial. Even if you make a "harsh words", you will turn from yin to sunny later. The friction, which also seems to be trivial, does not speak ill of harsh words, but there is a hidden crisis behind it, which will lead to the breakdown of the marriage over time. The reason for divorce is that the relationship is broken and the three views are inconsistent. In fact, how can there be such a big change in the three views?
So what is the boundary between big and small things? Qin Lan plays a role in "Doctor Tang..." and encounters her husband's betrayal. This is of course a major event that breaks through the bottom line of marriage, and no one questiones. But before that, was her excessive investment in work considered a big deal to lose her child? I think there are differences. If her husband wasn't that scumbag (infidelity), wouldn't their marriage be in trouble?
Two people come together, not only are they in love, but they also have other aspects of measurement. But today it seems more realistic and utilitarian. Although the measurements in this middle are "equality" in terms of class, the spirit of taste, quality, and three-view fit are also the main considerations that cannot be ignored.
In a lasting marriage, having the same is certainly a kind of harmony, but in fact, differences may also be very attractive. The same is conducive to internal harmony, and the differences are conducive to "mutual fulfillment". The most straightforward difference is gender, which itself is a kind of "mutual fulfillment".
In fact, there are many more, such as a combination of personality, introvert and extrovert, which may form 1+1》2. If you have a clear understanding of the two people when you get together, which aspects belong to the same tacit understanding, which aspects belong to different fulfillment, and which aspects belong to helpless tolerance, then there will be an auxiliary reference system for judging big and small things in the future.
Take the simplest example, gender is an indispensable "mutual fulfillment". Biology is not so symmetrical on , so some women use sex as weights. What is the result? There are all kinds of frictions that seem to have nothing to do with this, but there is actually one thing behind it, the couple is not satisfied with their lives. This is the accumulation of dangers behind small matters. In addition, I completely gave up my love for beauty and devoted myself to my children. I was originally very beautiful and made me look like an old lady early on.
The same is true for men. The male leads the outside and the female leads the inside is another kind of achievement formed by different combinations. If the woman takes on more housework, the man cannot achieve anything in his career and refuses to go home to "condemn compensation." Then the reason why a man who is in decline loses the other person is often not the superficial friction in life. If he is strong enough, women can tolerate small things.
In short, those that cause rupture are not superficial single trivial things (non-accumulated). The change behind it is that you are not capable or unwilling to fulfill the other party, and the other party's tolerance will be greatly reduced.
I saw it. Not only do men and women have different physiological results, but their thinking styles are also very different. Mutual fulfillment and mutual tolerance are a dynamic balance in marriage. If you do not have the ability (or desire) to fulfill, the other party's tolerance will not decline. Since people are not perfect, mutual tolerance will definitely account for a considerable proportion in marriage. If you can't tolerate it, the marriage will come to an end.
Women, especially those who have given birth to children, are generally more tolerant than men. The love emitted by giving birth to children is more "primitive" and more firm than the love between husband and wife. Therefore, children are the reinforcement factor of marriage.
Let's summarize now: There are three parts in marriage:
1) the mutual understanding of each other;
2) the mutual fulfillment part;
3) the mutually inclusive part;
Those trivial things that will seriously change the above distribution through accumulation actually hide the crisis. What a big deal if the couple lives together? There is really, when you realize its existence, it is often "irreversible". This article hopes that you can pay attention to the crises behind those trivial matters in advance, and improving yourself is the healthiest way to keep a fresh marriage, especially in terms of culture, where the only enemy is just your own laziness.
Note: The accompanying pictures are from the Internet and are only original text.
