text丨Love words: 30:30
I am here, waiting for the wind, and waiting for you.
reader Zhang Jing (pseudonym) left a message saying that her husband felt that he no longer loved him and even wanted to divorce.
asked her reason, and Zhang Jing said that her husband loved her very much before giving birth to a child and would never refuse her reasonable request. But with the birth of the child, she found that her husband not only deliberately stayed away from her, but even frequently refused her.
Zhang Jing said that since the child was diagnosed with developmental delay in over one year old, she has devoted all her energy to the child. In addition to not having the energy to pay attention to her husband, she doesn’t even have time to dress up every day.
It is precisely because of this that she found that the relationship between the couple is getting weaker and weaker, and they often make a big fuss about some problems with their children.
Indeed, many women will face such problems in marriage. When they have children, women put all their energy into their children and gradually neglect their husbands.
Over time, the husband feels that his wife no longer loves him and his relationship becomes weak. At this time, you will inevitably have some thoughts of divorce. But due to the child's problem, the husband wanted to divorce in his heart, but he would reject her physically.
Refusing to get intimate contact
Zhang Jing said that at first she felt that her husband didn't love her anymore and wanted to get divorced. The most obvious thing is that her husband refused to get intimate contact with her, and even refused the most basic kiss and hug. Sometimes, she takes the initiative to seek comfort and love from her husband, and everything she gets is boring.
At that moment, Zhang Jing knew very well that her husband wanted to divorce. The reason why he had not raised it was mainly because the child is now developing slowly and her husband still needed her to take care of the child, so he did not propose marriage.
In fact, like Zhang Jing's situation, our marriage is very common. Before the two got married, or even before they had children, their relationship was very loving. But after having a child, the husband felt that his wife gave all her love to the child. Such a huge psychological contrast made him difficult for a while.
Therefore, if a man wants to divorce, he may not say it out, but he will refuse to have close contact with you and even want to sleep in a separate room with you. When encountering such a thing, women need to choose a suitable angle and take time to accompany their husbands in their busy schedules.
It is important to be clear that the future life path, the one who accompanies you to the end is not the child in front of you, but the husband who quarrels with you every day.
Refusal to communicate and communicate
In order to resolve the conflict between the two, Zhang Jing communicated with her husband more than once, but it was not resolved in the end.
After listening to her getting along with her husband, I found that it was not just Zhang Jing’s husband who had problems, but she herself.
Because the child's development is delayed, Zhang Jing will become very anxious as long as he or she has questions about the child. It can be said that for the sake of the child's problem, she not only suppressed herself until she was breathless, but also suppressed her husband so much that she didn't want to go home.
After communicating with me, Zhang Jing realized that there were problems with her and her husband's relationship. Although she wanted to communicate with her husband, she did not solve the core problems of the two.
It is precisely because of this that the communication between them is meaningless, and instead makes the conflict between her husband and her deeper and deeper.
In fact, the breakdown of marriage relationship is often caused by many factors. Some are due to children's problems, and some are due to conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but no matter what, it still requires active coordination between husband and wife.
Of course, a situation like Zhang Jing is a very special kind. It will definitely take a certain amount of time to open the knot between the two, but filing a divorce cannot change this situation, but it will make the child worse and worse.
Refusal to give you good temper
We said above that there are many reasons for the worsening marriage relationship. When we deal with marriage conflicts, we must first find the point of marriage conflicts.
Like Zhang Jing's marriage conflict, it is obvious that after having a child, she gave all her energy to the child and neglected her husband. Secondly, the child was not well-behaved, which led to the child's development delay. Although her husband did not explicitly blame her, her husband's attitude towards her can also explain the reason.
Generally speaking, after having children, women transfer their focus to their children, which is a very common situation in marriage.
A woman with high emotional intelligence will take the initiative to explain it to her husband when she encounters such a situation, hoping that her husband can understand the current situation of the two.
Secondly, regarding the child’s problems, I personally think that the responsibility cannot be entirely on Zhang Jing. After all, as a mother of a child, she doesn't want to have such a problem either.
As a father, Zhang Jing's husband should not be rude. He felt that after having a child, his wife's center of gravity had shifted.
You should know that we work hard and strive to make progress, just to create better conditions for our children in the future.
However, it is such a simple truth. Zhang Jing’s husband does not have this truth. Instead, he often refuses to give his good temper to his wife, causing serious trauma to their relationship.
So, if a man wants to get a divorce, he will refuse to give you a good temper without saying it, and he will refuse to give you a good temper in his body. If you do something bad, he will vent all his emotions on you and will not care about your feelings at all.
Love words:
One day couples have a hundred days of kindness, I hope all couples can remember this sentence. When you have a conflict and feel that this marriage cannot be managed, think more about the past kindness of the two and make yourself rational.
Marriage conflicts are accumulated bit by bit by bit by bit by bit, but divorce is often caused by temporary conflicts.
So, a man wants to divorce, which is not terrible for women, but he cannot ignore it. Once you encounter such a problem in your marriage, a woman needs to find the conflict between the two and try to solve such a problem.
I believe that the choice you had to be together at the beginning means that your relationship was very deep and it was absolutely impossible for you to divorce just because of a small matter.
As long as you think about the future in your heart, as long as you don’t give up, nothing can defeat the love and future between you.
