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1Reader Aunt Ding said: "After my son got married, he was unreliable. He loved his wife more. I am no longer as important in his heart as before. What kind of grace of raising me is just a legend."
Her words reminded me of a sentence Montaigne in the "Essay Collection": " Knowing one's own ignorance is the most reliable way to understand the world. "
The ignorance mentioned here is also a derogatory term in the unconventional sense. No one is an omniscient and omnipotent person. There are blind spots in cognition, and blind spots are the realms of ignorance.
If a person cannot recognize his ignorance and does not admit his ignorance, he is the most ignorant person because he denies an objective fact .
Aunt Ding’s ignorance is that she only looks at the problem from a jealous perspective, but she does not know that the problems she encounters can be viewed from different angles.
2 She knew what she had done by herself. For example, when the son and daughter-in-law got married, there was no bride gift or a house, and the two were married and rented a house. However, she never thought about what was the basis for marrying her son in this situation. Is it because the daughter-in-law is too simple and easy to cheat, or is it because the couple truly love each other?
She just thinks that it is not a big deal for her daughter-in-law to not ask for a bride price, and it is nothing if she didn’t buy a house, because there are many couples who don’t buy a house after getting married.
Her understanding of marriage stopped here. She did not consider whether her son felt guilty of his daughter-in-law, nor did she think about how his daughter-in-law felt, but she felt that everything should be like this.
People who are mother-in-law will have no sense of shame, gratitude, or guilt once they have a natural mentality. They feel that since marriage is already in place, no one should pursue the past. They and their daughter-in-law stand at the same starting point. As mother-in-law, in terms of identity and status, they will always be higher than their daughter-in-law .
This mentality will drive them to put on the airs of elders and preach to their daughter-in-law when they dislike their daughter-in-law. At the same time, they may also say bad things about their daughter-in-law in front of their sons. Some may even instigate their son to divorce or threaten their daughter-in-law for divorce.
Once the dark side of human nature is released, it will progress layer by layer, push each other step by step, do not consider the consequences when doing things, and just rush forward with your head and rush forward, and whoever blocks the way will deal with it.
Aunt Ding took this path. Her identity is just a mother-in-law to her daughter-in-law, but she forgot her identity. She acted as a mentor today, an instructor tomorrow, and a supervisor the day after tomorrow, and spent a lot of time to get along with her daughter-in-law.
What she didn't know was that when people get along with each other, they should not be too close to each other, and they should not use a magnifying glass to find other people's shortcomings, otherwise they would turn themselves into a harsh fool .
She didn't understand this truth and stared at her daughter-in-law all day long, picking on the bones in the eggs. She became more and more impatient and disliked her daughter-in-law. Finally, she couldn't help it. She accused her daughter-in-law of being a waste, asked her to get back to her parents' home, and asked her son to divorce her as soon as possible.
However, her son said, "It's you who should get out of here. I've had enough of you. Please don't get involved in my marriage again!"
3It is not difficult to infer from her son's reaction that the couple got married because they loved each other and the woman did not hesitate to marry naked because she loved the man, and the man should treat her sincerely, and at the same time felt that she was indebted to her.
The basis of marriage is destined to have such a reaction from her son, because he does not want anyone to bully his wife whom he loves and owes, even his parents.
I don’t think his reaction is unfilial. When multiple interpersonal relationships exist at the same time, each layer of relationship has its own principles. There are also boundaries between different interpersonal relationships. Anyone who crosses the line is making a mistake .
Aunt Ding obviously crossed the line. She not only crossed the line in the relationship between mother and son, but also crossed the line in the relationship between mother and daughter. She cannot ignore the mistake just because she is an elder.
4 people who are ignorant in terms of human nature often think more and more. The problem is that the problem they think is always out of the right track, just like a person who fell into the quagmire. The more they struggled, the deeper they fell, and they couldn't see the stones that could step on the landing not far away. If you want to break this curse, there are only two ways to go: one is to read thousands of books and travel thousands of miles; the other is to reflect, reflect inwardly, and let yourself know yourself .
If you don’t do these two things, a person’s cognition will always stay at a fixed stage and there will be no progress.
If you have limited cognition, you can only earn money within the cognitive range, and you can only use limited cognition to understand the world, solve problems and interpersonal communication. Unless others are as ignorant as you, no matter how smart you are, you will not play with you, because your ignorance will drag others down.
For Aunt Ding, what she has to do in the future is not to think too much about what is within the cognitive scope. She should spend more time reading books, going out for a walk, and expanding her cognition. As long as she no longer crosses the line, she will no longer have conflicts with her son and daughter-in-law.
Although learning and growth are always accompanied by pain, it is easy for people to give in, in order to become a better self, it is worth growing in pain. This state depends on yourself to understand. Whether to do it or not depends only on your own .
