was a little angry after reading this question. How dare you say these dirty little thoughts? When we don't exist? Remember, no matter how cunning an old bird is, it cannot escape the eyes of a hunter.
is obvious, you are just constantly making excuses for your thoughts and even behaviors to cheat!
Actually, you already have the answer in your heart, but you still have some conscience and can't get through the obstacles in your heart, so you come here to find some recognition, hoping to reduce your guilt.
Because, from your description of the problem, your idea of cheating is already very clear and obvious.
The problem begins with the first chapter, and first lists how much I have paid for my family and how good I am "I paid my salary card, 80,000-100,000 yuan a month.
Then, my secret efforts show that my wife has problems, is not excellent, and she does not pay enough to the family. " My wife has a low income, but she doesn't usually take care of her children to do housework, and she has an aunt at home. "
So, at this point, this man who wants to cheat and get everyone's support, has laid the foundation for fundamentals .
He has worked hard to create a "reasonable" background for franchise: An excellent, family-Gu man has a high income of 80,000 to 100,000 yuan per month, and has a salary card in hand, and has hired a nanny to do housework to take care of the children. On the other hand, the wife of this excellent Gu man is a bad woman who makes little money and has not fulfilled her obligations to take care of her family.
The basic marriage has laid the foundation for himself and his wife, of course it is not enough.
The man who is about to cheat under has begun to lay out more reasonable reasons for cheating - "In the past two years, I feel that there are fewer and fewer things to talk to my wife";
Dear spectators, do you think that for men who want to cheat, such a preparation is enough? Not enough!
Next, men should further strengthen their "good man" character design. The so-called: "There is a female colleague in the company, 5 years younger than me, and they have a good impression of each other, but I also restrained it, and there was no further action."
Wow~ What a good man! When facing a young female colleague, you can restrain yourself, and there is no further action."
Wow~What a great man! When facing a young female colleague, she has a good impression of herself, she can restrain herself and no further action.
By this time, the preparation that this "good man" needs to do has been done well. After shaping the premise of putting forward ideas, summarized:
① Shaping yourself is an excellent man--high income;
② Shaping yourself is a man who cares about the family--payment, please ask for a nanny;
③ Shaping your wife is very ordinary--wives are not income. High;
④ Shape your wife without caring for family and not fulfilling her responsibilities-but don’t take care of her children often;
⑤ Shape your wife has no feelings for her and her marriage is unhappy--you can chat less and less with her wife;
⑥ Shape your wife meets a cheating partner, and the other party likes you, and it’s not the one you hook up with first--there are some good feelings for each other;
⑦ Shape your own sense of responsibility and morality, and you are restrained in the face of temptation. It’s the same.
Finally, this man who wanted to cheat was still holding a pipa and half-covered his face, and put forward his truest voice: "Is it to return to family wholeheartedly or to start the second part of his life." "
A person may be able to use a lot of hypocritical and self-deception logic to find reasons and excuses for his wrong behavior, but his inner answer will actually be fully displayed through his tone and words.
Please note, here, what is the behavior of this man describing himself to cheat? It is "opening the second part of his life"! How beautiful vocabulary and vision!
So, after talking for a long time, as I said, the idea of this man's intent to cheat has basically been confirmed, but he not only wants to cheat, but also wants to cheat with peace of mind. He wants to deceive himself, and also ask others to help deceive himself, making him feel that he betrayed his wife. It is reasonable to cheat young female colleagues.
This is basically the mental journey of all men who want to cheat, which is very typical.During my consultation, I often encounter some problems with the marriage of female helpers. Their husbands cheat, which is basically the same, just like that.
below, I will also summarize it to remind the girls in marriage, don’t worry about this family every day and devote yourself to the family and children. The man who is like a manager who is not only dissatisfied with you every day, but also secretly has the intention and behavior of cheating and hooking up. Let’s prevent the problem from getting worse.
The background, psychological state, and behavioral history of a man:
1. Your marriage is actually not a big problem, but it gradually becomes dull;
2. After marriage, most of your energy is devoted to the family and children, and you are gradually alienated from your own business and the management of the husband-wife relationship;
3. After marriage, the man's career is getting better and better, and you basically sacrificed your career for the sake of your family, or stopped moving forward;
4. The man began to get tired and became more confident. When you get up, you start to look down on you more and more. What you picky about is not picky about;
5. A man has a partner and a goal and becomes aware of cheating;
6. A man does not want to bear the blame and infamy of his cheating, and begins to find reasons for his cheating, so that he can feel at ease;
7. A man begins to contact more of a cheating partner and tells the other party about his marriage's misfortune, shaping how pitiful and wronged he is in marriage, how ignorant his wife is, the marriage between his wife is in name only;
8. A cheating officially happened;
9. Generally, after a period of time, you may find out as a wife. . .
Finally, I want to say a few words to men who have ideas to cheat in marriage and women in marriage, which is considered a psychology:
What I said to men who want to cheat:
1. You may not really not love your wife and your family, so before deciding anything, you must think twice to avoid regrets, because in my consultation, there are many cases of such men who think they don’t love their wife and then cheat, and in the end they regret it;
2. Think about the years you have gone through and the life you have accompanied. Maybe you have achieved certain success now, but there will be no second woman to accompany you from nothing to something again. This relationship is more worthwhile than the passion of the first sight. I think it is more worthwhile than the passion of the first sight. We have to cherish it;
3. Your current marriage may be a mess, and your wife may have many shortcomings, but believe me, most likely, there will be various problems after getting married for a long time. Therefore, instead of going through a lot of trouble, it is really better to work hard to manage your current marriage;
4. If you still have children, you should be more cautious as a husband and wife. Even if your wife is not your relative, the child is definitely your bloodline. Think about what impact your behavior will have on the child. V Do you have the heart to hurt him? Do you have the heart to make him feel that you are a bad and irresponsible father?
5. If you are sure that you don’t love your wife, you really feel that you can’t live it, or you really fall in love with others. Then, I suggest that you explain it to your wife as soon as possible to minimize the harm to her. Material compensation is essential.
What I said to women in marriage:
1. Always learn to love yourself first, this is the foundation of everything. When you don’t love yourself and don’t cherish yourself, no one will love you and cherish you. So, don’t just sacrifice or give. Learning to be selfish appropriately is not a bad thing.
2. Don’t give up managing yourself. Marriage is not love, but marriage cannot be completely without love. Therefore, in marriage, we should also strive to maintain our attractiveness to each other, dress up ourselves well, manage ourselves well, and make ourselves better and better. While gaining a better self, we will also gain a husband who loves you more and a more stable marriage.
3. Learn to manage your marriage. It is difficult to manage a marriage relationship well, yes, because decades of getting along with each other are mixed with too many trivialities and contradictions. However, the rewards for good management are indeed huge, and they are a partner who will support you for the rest of your life.Therefore, it is worth it and necessary to manage a marriage with all your heart.
4. Be a smart woman. In marriage, to be a smart woman, you can recognize and see your man’s thoughts and thoughts, know what he wants, and know what will affect the relationship between two people. When he has other ideas, you will notice them immediately and prevent them from happening; when he has restless thoughts, he also knows your intelligence, so he will be afraid of them.
5. Be a brave woman. There is a crisis in the marriage, whether the other party wants to divorce or have an affair. In addition to blaming others and accusing men of ungratefulness, women should also learn to be brave and brave to face life changes and crises, resolve them rationally, and strive for the most favorable ending for themselves.
Author: This is profound, second-level psychological counselor; EFT trained partner therapist; author of the intimate relationship book "Knowing Love and Rebuilding Intimate Relationship" (the book once won the first place in the hot list of Dangdang's new books on gender relations), translator/programmer of Dr. Marshall's books "Nonviolent Communication·Genders" and "Nonviolent Communication·Emotional Edition"; if you have any questions, please send a private message to me~
