Xijing: My husband said that other people's wife is better than me, so I asked me to learn
"Xijing: My husband said that other people's wife is better than me, so I asked me to learn till I" Part.1 A reader wrote a letter to talk about Xijing's problem - Shiyi, hello. Want to tell your own story. I have been in love with my boyfriend for three years and it is now time to talk about marriage, but I am very hesitant to get married. We are in love with each other, and when we are together, the relationship is really good. But as we get along with each other for a longer time, there are more and more problems. The main reason is that he is not very satisfied with me, and no matter how I do it, it seems that he can't satisfy him. Our economic level varies greatly. He is busy with work and earns a lot. I work safely and easily and earn less. But he is not satisfied with me, it is not that I am far inferior to him to make money. He has a wealthy economy and is very particular about it. He has never treated me and my family and I badly in terms of money. Since we decided to get married, we have taken the initiative to hand over the financial power. He is very sincere, but this does not mean that he is very satisfied with me. He always makes me mature and sensible. After getting married, I will become an adult and I have to take on the big and small things at home. As young as you want to buy a quilt in winter, you need to buy a thin quilt in summer. From the perspective of human relationships, family maintenance, and children's education and growth, they all have to be gradually connected. Although I am not good at these, I still do it with my heart. I can barely handle the family’s food, clothing, housing and transportation. But I don’t know anything about human relationships, family maintenance, and the education I will face after marriage. He also taught me, such as what to know at the dinner table, and what the subtext of other people's words mean. How to get along with different friends, how to deal with a bunch of unrestrained relatives without any rudeness. I heard it was a big head. I guess my anger at the same time really stimulated him. Once he blurted out: Can't you learn from Awei's wife? See how capable they are. Awei is his good friend, and his wife has a very good reputation. He is famous for his high emotional intelligence and knows how to do things. Everyone likes to go to his house to play. Awei's interpersonal relationships have also risen because of this wife. The wedding date is approaching, and I talked to him about this issue, and he sighed and said that he would give me time to grow up. But I really don’t know how to do it, and I even inexplicably hate Awei’s wife. It is really necessary for women to make men feel comfortable. Shiyi, I am very hesitant to get married. I really feel that I am incompetent to satisfy my husband and can manage my family well without the ability. Part.2 Lu Shiyi: Thank you for your trust. This letter is hard to reply to. So I won’t talk about the letter itself, but talk about the so-called female competition. In these replies, there is also content that suits you. Female competition, as the name implies, competition among women. This is what is said in biology, mainly referring to striving for reproduction and offspring. Nowadays, female competitions can be used in a wider range. A small cooking skill, such as whose wife cooks deliciously, unlike the one who can't cook, can lead to a series of open and secret struggles. Women compare beauty, figure, wealth, charm, ability, emotional intelligence, talent... so as to compare the size of the workplace, life, emotions, and life. The female competition caused by men is just the tip of the iceberg. Is it necessary to compete with females? This is a very useless question. Female competition cannot be said whether it is necessary, but in a natural biological group, female competition and male competition are inevitable phenomena. However, contemporary women have received a certain degree of education and no longer regard their husbands as the most. We can basically accept that two women compete for a position, but they are not very able to accept that they fight to the death for a man. Female competition itself is not a problem, and you don’t need to generalize it by hearing this word. There are two types of biological gender. In studies, work and life, you either compete with men or women, and there is no criticism about this. Let’s talk about the female competition in the gender field. Part.3 In the adult world, you often hear such questions: Do you need this? The underlying logic of whether it is necessary to do something should be, what are the pros and cons of doing this for you?When a person picked up the trampled bun on the ground and started eating it, you were shocked: A bun only costs one dollar, do you need it? If this person doesn’t have a penny in his pocket and is almost starving to death, do you think he is necessary? At this moment, the underlying logic of judging whether he should be worthy of his money, not the formalism that food cannot be eaten if it is dusty. Among both sexes, whether a woman has to compete with her or not depends on the pros and cons. We cannot blindly follow the trend and implement the formalism of "why do we have to do this and that, we have no backbone at all." After explaining the underlying logic clearly, let’s talk about what are the real pros and cons. Borrowing the example of the parties involved, her boyfriend asked her to learn how to manage the house, run the house, as well as human nature, children's education, etc. Is this good or bad for her? Putting aside emotions and making trouble, these learnings are good. The difference is that if these suggestions are said by a partner, then women will easily interpret them as: he is disgusting me or exploiting me. Part.4 I did not directly respond to the question of the person involved. Her question seems to be only one, but in fact it is a regeneration problem on the issue, which is very trivial to explain. Your good sister said that if you don’t keep studying, you will definitely be eliminated by society in the future. You will have no personal value for a long time, but your husband will fly higher and higher. Will there be a common topic over time? So, you have to be motivated. This is a good reminder. As long as you are normal in your mind, you will probably not be tempted. But if your husband said this, even if it is the truth, even if you are open-minded, it will not be easy to accept. This is the subtlety of the relationship between husband and wife. One dares to speak out and the other dares to listen directly. This couple has extremely high mental requirements. They must have the ruthless spirit to cut off emotions from the underlying logic. The boyfriend's advice is fine. If his advice is based only on himself, for example, in everything he asks you to do, the beneficiary is the only one who is himself. Even if it is a little good for you, pursuing it is the fundamental way to squeeze you. It’s like a killer institution that wants to train a killer for your own use and invite the best martial arts teacher for you. You can learn the Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms, which is the benefit. But for this benefit, you can't think that it's okay to cultivate your organization. After all, he is just trying to serve himself with a better you. The situation of the parties involved is different. Their family model should be biased towards the male lead and the female lead. He has a stronger ability to make money and is willing to hand over the financial power to you to the housekeeper. This behavior is enough to show that he is just division of labor, not exploiting. Because the family is a common organization of two people, you are in a joint-stock system. He makes money to support his family and raises his children, and you are responsible for tutoring the children. The benefit groups are you couple and your children. The murder institutions in the example are different. Can the killer manage the money of the institutions? The boyfriend's advice is fine, but the skills of dealing with intimate relationships are not very smooth. This is not a matter for women with big patterns, but for girls with small patterns, it is a matter. Part.5 Now more and more women think female competition is boring. But female competitions are everywhere, even if you don't want to be inclined with the same sex. You just want to be more beautiful, live a more comfortable life, have a better job, and make more money, all of this is your free will. But if you succeed and more and more women succeed, it will raise the ceiling of women's value and the aesthetics of men. To give a simple example, men have only seen 6-point beauties before, and in their eyes 6-point is the ceiling. But as women become more and more beautiful, 7 points, 8 points, 9 points, beauty emerged. At this moment, in the eyes of men, 6 points are no longer their goddess. The market was all occupied by 789-point beauties, who were regarded as goddesses by men, and 6-point beauties gradually lost their charm. But what's wrong with those beauties with 789 points? They are just pursuing a better self. So I said, female competition is everywhere. Just like the client, because her husband asked her to learn from Awei's wife, she hated this woman a little. But that woman did nothing to her, but because of her benchmarking, the boyfriend of the client broke the perception of the opposite sex, thus increasing his demand for his partner. So is there any problem with the boyfriend of the person involved? Isn’t it too much to see something better and hope that my partner is so good? Part.6 My best friend’s daughter once took her classmates to her home to play.My best friend was very gentle. She cooked delicious food for them and let them hide in the room and play. After playing for a while, I took them to the playground. As long as the project that two children like, their best friends will accompany them throughout the whole process. When my classmate came home in the evening, he told my best friend’s daughter, “I envy you for having such a good mother.” I don’t dare to ask you to go to my house to play, because my mother always feels that playing will delay learning. When I took my classmates home, my mother didn't have any good looks. Not to mention making delicious food for us, I took us to the playground. Human nature is the same. When I see other people’s mothers, I can’t help but envy them and fantasize that if my mother did the same, how great would it be. That's still her real mother, and this kind of thought will still arise. The same is true between husband and wife, but many people are unwilling to face up to true humanity because of the so-called love. You are not satisfied with your husband. If you see other people’s husbands being gentle, considerate, loyal and reliable, don’t you want your husband to be like this? Other people's husbands can withstand the sky falling. And your husband will cry when he sees the sky falling: What should I do, my wife... are you really not angry? Not desperate? Because seeing other people’s partners is good and hope that their partners are better is normal. What is truly unauthentic? When a child sees other people's mothers, he will abandon his biological mother and recognize his new mother. When a man sees someone else's wife better, he will be fickle and abandon the breast. Anyone who is still suggesting, communicating with you, giving you time, and accompanying you to grow is benign. Survival of the world is the cruelest, fairest and most realistic biological phenomenon. Be more open-minded and sober, and many problems in the world can be solved. The only real difficult life problems are time and luck. This is what I said, I would like to encourage you.
