Author: Liang Xiaobao
First publishing: Family Magazine (ID: jiatingzazhi)
Last week, we launched a topic collection to readers:
Is it unfilial to send parents to nursing homes?
What kind of living conditions are the elderly in your family in? The answers in the comment section of
are mixed.
Some people believe that supporting parents at home is the most basic moral code as children, and they will never be sent to nursing homes.
Some people believe that young people are under great pressure in life and have no time to take care of their parents. If they go to a nursing home, they can communicate with their peers and take care of them. Why not do it?
There are also many people who say whether to go to a nursing home or not should be decided by young people, and they should respect the elderly’s own choices.
Below, let’s take a look at your different views on nursing homes. Does it resonate with you?
33resolutely don't send
@Ahuatian
As for myself, I will not send my parents to nursing homes.
mainly because I have a family of many children. My parents have raised a total of four of us. When they really need us to support us, I am in my forties or fifties, and by that time I will have the energy to take care of them.
And because I gave birth to two children, they were both confinement periods that my mother helped me take care of. If my mother really needs me to take care of her in the future, I will take good care of her. This is what I should do.
There are still benefits in families with multiple children. When parents need to support their parents, they have brothers and sisters to share the burden with you.
@Vivian
I think that anyone with a little human taste will choose to support their parents. This is the most basic bottom line of human relations.
Why do you have to send your parents to nursing homes and let them live their countdown in their old age? What the elderly need most is the company of their children, which is a reality that no one can avoid.
@Sunny
My mother is 70 years old. She started to suffer from Alzheimer's disease a few years ago. Later, she fell once and became less and less aware of people. She couldn't walk. She just walked a few steps with her stool and was noisy every day, but we didn't send it to the nursing home and still lived in the ancestral house.
My brothers took turns to take care of them. It has been several years since no one mentioned the issue of nursing homes. I think what my uncle said is very good. People support me and I support me and old people. Even if you live to the age of 120, you will still raise it.
@kkxxe
I remember one day, I was watching TV with my mother and suddenly saw something about the nursing home.
My mother turned her head and said to me: "I am old in the future. Don't send me to a nursing home! I will eat whatever you give me, and I'm not picky! I promise I won't mess with my children like your grandma! I just want to live with you every day and want to see you!"
My tears came down, and I hugged her and said, "No, I won't send you there!" In fact, I think the nursing home is probably like the kindergarten in my heart when I was a child. No matter how good it is, it is not as good as home.
@Spring flowers bloom
Many friends say that when they are old, they don’t need children to take care of them. When they are old, they go to the nursing home, but when they go to the nursing home, they even say they can’t go.
Some elderly people proudly say to us, where does their son become an official and which big company is in, but why does the elderly themselves in a nursing home? What the elderly think about every day is when the children come to see him, and they can't imagine their inner loneliness and sadness. Being with your descendants is a joy of family life, but unfortunately, we are all busy making money now, and the amount of money is more.
Nursing home is a good place
@na is me
Personally think that sending parents to nursing homes in the future is a good choice.
Most of us are now in a state of fast working pace and high pressure. Sometimes we really have the will to take care of our parents but not enough. I always want to accompany my parents every weekend, and I always want to take my parents out for fun every holiday, but it is really achieved too little.
Most of our time is allocated to our children and our families. When children have to go to tutor on weekends, they don’t have time to go back to their parents’ homes. Even if they have free time, they still want to deal with their small house chores first. The parents can only call and say hello. They hope that we will go back and talk to them. Sometimes they are not willing to disturb us and carry it on their own.
As they retire in old age, they need more company. If parents themselves are not rejected, entering a suitable nursing home can allow them to have a group of communication, enrich their elderly care life, and some professionals can also promptly understand their physical condition.
@I love Xiaohuangche
Most of the young people nowadays are only children, and it will definitely be difficult to take care of the elderly in the future.
filial piety and unfilial piety are not verbal words, but also depends on how to take good care of the elderly. There must be a gap between self-care and professional care staff in nursing homes, and nursing homes are not closed. As long as you have time, go with them more.
And I personally will definitely go to a nursing home when I get old. A bunch of old men and women will play together. The environment and facilities are safe and comfortable, so good.
@Momomo Love
People in the new era should have the idea of the new era, and nursing homes are not places to die.
Nursing home has peers, and maybe there is more topic. Instead of having a generational communication with children or grandchildren at home, they can't communicate with each other, so that everyone is tired. Nursing homes have activities, such as singing, dancing, playing chess, etc. Children who are interested can visit them on weekends.
@Jay
I think going to a nursing home is the most appropriate way.
My mother is old, but she has clear thinking and clear speech, which means she has difficulty moving due to a waist injury.
Since my wife passed away, I have become lonely. My siblings are all in my sixties and seventies. I also have grandchildren at home who need to take care of me and have no energy to take care of my mother for a long time.
The year before yesterday everyone agreed to send her to the best nursing home in the city, and she quickly adapted to life there. Every day, you can chat, sing, or walk around the courtyard with the elderly in the nursing home with an walker , and you can also quietly write poems and autobiography in your room.
There are good doctors and rehabilitation treatments in the hospital, as well as libraries and various entertainment facilities. In life, the waiters in the hospital will take care of them. If you have any questions, the waiters will come to take care of them. It can be said that it was her food that opened her mouth and reached out to solve her loneliness and our worries.
Every weekend we take our children and grandchildren to visit her. During the Chinese New Year and holidays, we pick her up and stay for a few days. Many times we ask us to take her back to the nursing home as soon as possible. She can no longer live without her life there.
Therefore, sending to a nursing home is not a bad thing and has nothing to do with filial piety or not. It must be decided based on your own specific situation. I think that as long as it is a good way to the elderly is a manifestation of filial piety of children. As long as she lives happily and happily in her lifetime, this is the greatest filial piety of her children.
333see the wishes of the elderly
@ヅBeautiful hijah
In fact, whether you want to send your parents to a nursing home to take care of your elderly care is very important. You must listen to the voice of the elderly and see what he thinks. The filial piety of children is based on making parents happy, not to realize your "peace of mind". We should take care of our parents' emotions and feelings and respect their opinions and ideas.
@小时光时时
Parents cannot simply characterize whether they are filial or not.
First of all, are the environment, conditions, management and services of nursing homes high-quality, standardized and humanized, and are they suitable for the elderly to spend their old age in peace.
Secondly, are the parents themselves willing to go to the nursing home to live their old age, and have their children fully solicited their parents' opinions and obtained consent.
Third, children who enter the nursing home should still fulfill their responsibilities of visiting, understanding and caring, and still be grateful and caring for the elderly.
After all, it is either to send parents to nursing homes or to reduce the burden or refuse the trouble, and to send them out regardless of the elderly’s feelings. That way, of course it will be unfilial.
Children are most important to have a heart
@Xinya
As people get older, more needs are family companionship, and as children, they just do their best.
We can’t just spend money on the surface, but feel at ease when sending parents to nursing homes, and don’t think it’s very filial not to send them to nursing homes. Instead, we should do it ourselves so that parents can feel the warmth and sweetness of home.
@Reality is very realistic
That year, my husband and I were not well-off and both had to go to work. The child was 5 years old and went to kindergarten. My mother-in-law had Parkinson and had incontinence... She had no choice but to send her mother-in-law to a nursing home.
My husband goes to clean his mother-in-law's vagina every day because the doctor said that this can prevent urinary tract infection of the elderly in . He goes to bathe his mother-in-law every week. Sometimes when he goes on a business trip, I will do it for him until three years later, my mother-in-law dies.
So I think it doesn’t matter whether you send a nursing home or not. If you have filial piety, you will do your best wherever you are. If you don’t have filial piety, you will be much more dependent on your parents under the same roof.
Dimbalism
@Jin Shengshuiqi
After his father's cerebral infarction and hemiplegia, he could not take care of himself and relied on his mother's care. Seeing that my mother worked very hard, I thought about sending her father to a nursing home. My father was very angry when he heard about it and said that I was an unfilial child and it was useless to support me. To my surprise, my mother also said that I did not fulfill my filial piety. Then the villagers pointed at me and said that I was ignorant and could not send my father to a nursing home. I just didn't want to support the elderly.
I felt very wronged when I heard these words. I sent my father to a nursing home. I paid the money. The purpose was to reduce my mother's hard work and allow my father to be better taken care of. But the reality is that in the village, if a child is sent to a nursing home, he will be criticized and criticized by many people in the village.
My father didn't go to the nursing home, so I had to go home once every Sunday, stay at home for two days, helping my mother take care of my father. From cooking, washing clothes to bathing my father, I have to do it one by one.
We three brothers and sisters, our younger brother and sister are working outside, and I work in a city 150 kilometers away from home. But no matter how far I am, I will go home. There was no way, in the middle of the night, my father had a headache and fever, and I had a call from my mother and I was about to get up and drive home.
My father was lying in bed all day long, in a state of anxiety. Every time I see me, I scold me, and I can only smile bitterly.Everyone in the village said that I was filial and came back all day to take care of my father. Seeing my father getting thinner, I really have thousands of words, but I can't say it.
@Wei
Ms. My mother-in-law is an empty-nest elderly man. Her father-in-law passed away 20 years ago, and both sons are working in other places.
After my father-in-law passed away, my mother-in-law left alone in my hometown. The two sons discussed letting my mother-in-law live in the city with her. But after living for a while, my mother-in-law couldn't adapt to life in the city at all, so she went back by herself.
Now my mother-in-law is in her seventies, and she can't come home due to the epidemic. We are worried that she will always be afraid that if she is alone at home, no one will take care of her. So I discussed letting her go to the nursing home, and at least someone would cook and clean the room.
But the mother-in-law’s idea is, if you have a son, why do you have to go to a nursing home? And she also thinks it costs money. Of course, the most important thing is that the villagers will be laughed at by their two sons, saying that they are unfilial.
However, because we can’t go back to live with her because of work and children going to school, it’s hard to get both. Therefore, not leaving or returning to our family has become the current problem.
written at the end
Thank you all readers for sharing.
Nowadays, our country has entered an aging society. Young people must work hard for life. There are old people above and young people at the same time. It is inevitable that they cannot take into account both. Therefore, sending elderly parents to nursing homes has become a compromise choice.
For nursing homes, we don’t have to demonize it, but we don’t need to beautify it.
Most nursing homes are built in suburbs and have their own schedule and system.
There are time limits for eating and sleeping, and there will be one day a week to go out for shopping and leisure. If parents are healthy and their neighbors and friends live in nursing homes, then their lives are still very comfortable, because they don’t have to buy groceries, cook, and clean themselves, and their friends can also joke and play cards together.
But on the other hand, the quality of nursing homes is uneven now, and there will be low quality of medical care workers.
Especially those elderly people who cannot take care of themselves, it is not better to live in nursing homes with poor service quality than at home. There is even an internal chain of contempt. Whether the elderly live comfortably or are "bullied" is related to the attitude and frequency of visits of their children.
Therefore, we must conduct a practical situation and focus on the wishes of our parents, refer to the financial conditions. If we really cannot take care of our parents' old age and need to be sent to a nursing home, we must carefully examine the conditions and service quality before sending it to ensure that the nursing home is responsible. You should also visit frequently in daily life, and you must not just send it away and ignore it.
Of course, now the country advocates combination of medical care and nursing, and market-oriented nursing homes, and vigorously develop the health care industry. As the quality of the elderly care industry becomes better and better, the supporting facilities are becoming more and more complete. Even if you are at home, you can also be equipped with intelligent facilities to prevent loss and fall.
In short, home-based elderly care has the benefits of home-based elderly care, and institutional elderly care has the benefits of institutional elderly care. Choose which one is suitable.
Every family has difficult sutras, and no one can simply stand on the moral high ground to blame others for their reasonable choices.
Source: Public Account Comments
