There is a saying on the Internet: "The higher the expectations of the relationship between people, the greater the disappointment, and the psychological gap caused by this is often the root of our pain."
Take the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law as an example. Many women are full of longing for the future when they first get married and hope to get a happy marriage. They are also very clear that whether a marriage can be happy has a lot to do with their mother-in-law.
In order to get the likes of mother-in-law, to get the recognition of mother-in-law, and to further capture the heart of her husband, many women will take the method of treating her mother-in-law as a mother-in-law, hoping that her mother-in-law can see her filial piety, see her own goodness, and treat herself kindly.
However, it may not be a good idea for women to regard their mother-in-law as their biological mother. First of all, the relationship between mother and daughter is based on blood relationship. There is only one reason why your mother is good to you, that is, you were born by her ten months of pregnancy, and she could even exchange her life for your birth. You are a piece of meat that fell from her body, and she will naturally treat you well.
However, although maternal love is selfless and can give everything for your own flesh and blood, maternal love can also be selfish and only target your own flesh and blood. Treat other people's children exactly the same as your own children. It is really difficult for most people to do it.
Secondly, if you treat her as your own mother, you will have high expectations for her, longing for her to treat you as your own daughter, and ask her to treat you like your own mother. If she can't do it, you will be even more dissatisfied.
As the book "Incredible Life" says: "To maintain a relationship, the fewer expectations, the better. If you don't have any expectations, you can love unconditionally."
When treating your mother-in-law, you don't have to treat her as your biological mother, just treat her as an ordinary elder. She gave birth to your husband, and the person who should respect her is your husband. At most, you need to be good to her and her son, just be kind to her and respect her.
To put it bluntly, you will treat her as much as she treats you. You must not be a daughter-in-law who has no gratitude. You will get the benefits of your parents-in-law, but you are not filial to the elderly, nor can you be a daughter-in-law who can be bullied by others.
"Juan'er, when is the time to get off work? Oh, it's 7:30, right? Then you probably won't get home at 8 o'clock. Mom went to the vegetable market today and saw crabs. She knew you liked it. She bought it specially. She did it when she got home. When you got off work, you rushed back in time to try my mother's skills."
Aunt Ye hung up the phone, and the friend next to her was curious: "Juan'er? Isn't your daughter's name Jingjing? Isn't it? Isn't your daughter called Jingjing? ? Juan'er? Your daughter-in-law! You are such a good mother-in-law, so good to your daughter-in-law."
01. When the daughter-in-law first got married, she was very filial to me, but I didn't appreciate it;
Juan'er in Aunt Ye's mouth was indeed her daughter-in-law, but when she mentioned the three words "good mother-in-law", Aunt Ye felt very ashamed. She was not a good mother-in-law at the beginning.
4 years ago, when my daughter-in-law just got married, although Aunt Ye repeatedly told herself to treat her daughter-in-law kindly and not to make trouble for her son, she still couldn't avoid looking at her daughter-in-law with a picky look. She was quite double-standard about her daughter-in-law and her own children.
For example, when the daughter-in-law slept until she woke up naturally during the holiday, she would complain that her daughter-in-law was lazy and did not do housework. However, when her daughter complained to her that she was called to make breakfast by her mother-in-law on Sunday, Aunt Ye called and scolded her son-in-law without saying a word, and ordered her son-in-law to take on more housework and not be used as a free nanny.
Seeing that her daughter-in-law bought clothes, Aunt Ye’s face was long. However, when she and her daughter-in-law were shopping in the mall, she saw clothes suitable for her daughter to wear, and she bought them without saying a word and sent them to her daughter who was married far away.
Seeing that my daughter-in-law bought something for her parents, Aunt Ye didn't say it, but she always felt something was wrong in her heart, even though she knew that her daughter-in-law's salary was no lower than that of her son. In fact, although the daughter-in-law bought a lot of things for her parents, she did not forget Aunt Ye’s copy.
"People's hearts are all flesh, and whoever has the child is loved. I also want to be kind to her, but if my biological children need me, I will naturally choose them."
02. After serving my daughter-in-law's confinement, my daughter is about to give birth. Her mother-in-law is very bad, I can't ignore it;
In June last year, the daughter-in-law added a granddaughter to Aunt Ye. Aunt Ye likes her granddaughter very much, as if she saw her young daughter and also took care of her during confinement. Her daughter-in-law has always been grateful to her.
However, as soon as the daughter-in-law was out of confinement, her daughter called and cried to Aunt Ye that she was going to give birth, and she needed her mother: "My mother-in-law said that even if she didn't serve me during confinement and didn't take care of me, my husband would have to support her. If she doesn't rely on me, I don't expect her."
Aunt Ye felt sorry for her daughter and agreed to her daughter without hesitation to take care of her daughter for confinement. As for her daughter-in-law, she can only trouble her in-laws.
Originally, the daughter-in-law could understand Aunt Ye’s feelings of feeling sorry for her daughter because she was serving her confinement. In addition, she was an only daughter, and her mother was willing to help, so she would not blame Aunt Ye. However, Aunt Ye had one problem, that is, she was unforgivable.
"I thought of my daughter-in-law's words that didn't rely on my daughter-in-law, and I also said it. In this way, my relationship with my daughter-in-law became worse, and her attitude towards me was no longer as enthusiastic as before."
What made Aunt Ye feel disheartened was that her little cotton-padded jacket was not filial. When Aunt Ye brought her grandson to about 1 year old, her daughter's mother-in-law came to pick peaches and asked Aunt Ye to leave and she came to take care of her grandson. Originally, Aunt Ye was very angry and wanted to argue with her daughter's mother-in-law, but her daughter was afraid that her husband would be unhappy and asked Aunt Ye to leave.
In desperation, Aunt Ye left and went to her son's house first. Since her parents-in-law were there, her daughter-in-law was lukewarm in her attitude towards her. Aunt Ye didn't want to make things boring, so she had to go back to where she lived.
03. I was hospitalized when I was sick, my daughter couldn't come back, my son couldn't ask for leave, but it was still the daughter-in-law who was in charge of it. I regret it very much;
Until not long ago, Aunt Ye fell ill due to improper maintenance, was admitted to the hospital and had surgery. In this way, Aunt Ye needed someone to take care of her.
Since my wife passed away a few years ago, Aunt Ye can only pin her hopes on her children. Considering that women are more suitable for taking care of others, Aunt Ye called her daughter first, but after her daughter found out, she just transferred some money to Aunt Ye: "Mom, no, my son is still young and cannot live without me. You know, the epidemic is serious now, and I can't take my child back. I'm married too far, and the journey is too long."
In desperation, Aunt Ye called her son again, but her son asked for leave from the company and was refuted. He refused to resign and had no choice.
Just when Aunt Ye was in a situation where she was not good at calling, her daughter-in-law extended a helping hand, hired a nurse to take care of Aunt Ye, and asked her husband to go and see more after getting off work, so Aunt Ye successfully recovered and was discharged from the hospital. I agreed not to rely on my daughter-in-law, but after I got sick, I faced the situation where my daughter could not marry back from her and her son could not take leave. Aunt Ye, who said that she did not rely on her daughter-in-law a year ago, regretted it.
"When I was discharged from the hospital, my son and daughter-in-law came to pick me up. The doctor said that I had not fully recovered and was not suitable for living alone. It is best to have family accompany me. When I heard it, I didn't have hope. Who told me to treat my daughter-in-law like that before?"
When the daughter-in-law cleaned up another room and lived for Aunt Ye, Aunt Ye felt even more guilty. Since then, she decided to treat her daughter-in-law as her own daughter.
04. Ten years of looking at mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, really, don’t say some things too early.
Remember Takeshi Kitano once said: "The so-called rules, fundamentally considering them, is actually thinking about others. A poor person has no idea of 'considering other people's feelings' at all."
If you never think about your daughter-in-law, do your own thing, and constantly make things difficult for your daughter-in-law, then no matter how good the temper or kind-hearted the daughter-in-law is, you will not be able to tolerate you. At that time, you will dig a big hole in your old age.
Ten years of watching mother-in-law and daughter-in-law for ten years, really, don’t say some things too early. Even if you don't rely on her, she is your son's wife. If you offended her to death, isn’t your son no longer a human inside or outside?
Whether it is for your old age or for your son, remember to be kind to your daughter-in-law.
END.
Topic today: Do you have any good suggestions for Aunt Ye? Welcome to share your views in the comment section.
