Do it yourself and have enough food and clothing. This is a fine tradition of Chinese culture. It means that we are independent and accustomed to solving some things ourselves.
It also means that we have the ability to think independently, rather than just relying on others when encountering some things.
For a long time, this will only make us learn to walkers in Handan. We don’t know how to solve problems ourselves and do nothing if we leave the group.
This method is not bad for ordinary social relationships, but if placed in a gender relationship, this method is extremely "dangerous".
The fundamental purpose of our relationship with the opposite sex is to further deepen our favorable feelings and thus increase the hope that lovers will eventually get married.
In this process, some of the methods we take are different from the methods of dealing with ordinary social relationships.
Ordinary social relationships do not need to bother the other party, but gender relationships must be required.
Psychological research shows that getting along with a man is a dangerous personality trait if you are unwilling to bother him.
1. The "dangerous" personality of unwilling to bother others: pleasing personality
I don't want to bother others because I'm afraid of being rejected, but I always respond to the requests for other people's troubles. I'm worried about being rejected but I'm embarrassed to reject others.
This is the flattering personality in psychology, that is, in their subconscious, they will establish social relationships in a pleasing way, and unwilling to bother others is a prominent feature.
Aristotle once discussed the relationship between man and society in this way: "Man is a social animal. Human beings cannot completely separate from society and survive alone. If you don't want to bother others, you need to bear a lot of things alone, including frustration."
In a gender relationship, if we are unwilling to bother him, it means that we subconsciously feel that we should not do this, which is also a way to please.
For a long time, men will feel that they don’t need to give in this relationship, and their partner will never ask them to do anything;
, and women also ignore that a relationship requires efforts and demands to go hand in hand, making them invisibly the person who has been giving but not getting feedback. Operation methods like
are "dangerous" because they are not conducive to women's happiness in their relationships.
2. Pleasant personality often lacks self-exposed
No matter what you do, you can solve it yourself. You will never bother men to help you accomplish anything. Even if you feel it is difficult at the moment, you will rack your brains to find a way to solve it yourself.
In their worldview, "trouble" men are not allowed.
From the surface, such women will be labeled as "sensible and worry-free" and can be easily handled when dealing with each other's relationships.
But such women are "dangerous", and this danger is for them themselves.
Because their not wanting trouble is not really independent, but they ignore that gender relations require a carrier to carry and connect each other's feelings.
Unwilling to trouble men is essentially a long-term lack of "self-exposed", which is due to their lack of security in their hearts and their fear of being rejected by their requests. After being rejected, they often feel uncomfortable, so in order to reject all the endings, they avoid the beginning of everything.
This is not good for managing love, because good love will not allow you to leave a way out for yourself, and good love will not allow those inappropriate ideas to exist.
We are afraid of being rejected. In essence, we do not trust the other person, do not believe that the other person can give for themselves, and do not believe that the other person’s love for them can be met with all their requests.
So, we put a layer of shackles on ourselves, preventing the self-exposedness of our inner needs from being emitted, and also isolating the other party’s feelings for us to be transmitted.
3. We need to improve the level of self-exposed
Literary Connor believes that there are some people who we meet for the first time, but we can get the same thing at first sight, and their favorability for him follows.
There are also some people who know nothing about him even though we have been with him for a long time.
and one of the reasons why people often decide to make others like us is that they must first learn to expose themselves. It is also difficult for a person who will not improve the level of self-exposed.
So, it is necessary to improve the level of self-exposed.
So, how should we improve? The most important thing about
is to "maintain yourself", that is, to face your needs and not be afraid of rejection.
We cannot put our needs at the last moment, nor should we force ourselves to do things we don’t want to do, and should not let ourselves down in order to stabilize our good impression in the hearts of others.
For a long time, we have closed our hearts, are not good at making demands, and dare not bother men, which is not conducive to establishing close relationships with others.
So, make a request, bother men, and don’t be afraid of being rejected.
