Girls often get more tempers in love than boys, and they are anxious. If they lose too much, they will affect the relationship between the two parties and lead to breakups, but they can't control themselves from losing their temper. In fact, many times, there are disputes just because of a small matter, so why does it eventually develop into a strange state? It was obvious that I took a step back and did not indulge myself in my emotions at that time, so it was very likely that I would not have been like this.
Anger is an innate ability for everyone. When we become angry, the brain's amygdala activity is enhanced, the prefrontal cortex is inhibited, and the amygdala releases a large amount of hormones, causing physical and emotional panic. We cannot choose to endure or simply burst out with anger. Instead, we need to actively express our anger, find the cause and dispel the anger, which is what anger really wants to tell us.
Do these three things before you want to lose your temper with your boyfriend
1. Stop and take a deep breath
When we start to get angry, before we are about to lose our temper, hold yourself, let yourself stop and take a deep breath.
At this moment, we should not do anything, and do not make any accusations or punishments to others, but stay silent and avoid impulsiveness.
2. Identify the reason for being angry
Calmly think clearly what is the reason for you being angry? Is it influenced by external factors? Do you want to solve the problem or just vent your emotions? What exactly do you want the other person to do?
3. Express feelings and needs reasonably
When we know our needs, we need to express it. Many girls understand the differences in thinking between men and women. The brain structure of boys' evolution for tens of thousands of years is a linear way of thinking that "solves problems". Boys are born to like to communicate with problems based on solving problems. For example, if your girlfriend is unhappy, okay, tell me why she is unhappy, I will execute it. This is the straight male thinking. So many times, boys are accustomed to reasoning, which does not mean that they don’t care about you or not love you. But he needs to know clearly what kind of emotions does this cause you? Why does it make you uncomfortable or unhappy? What does he need to do in the future?
Speaking of this, let’s teach you the correct way of communication
1. Describe things clearly in a complete way without subjective consciousness
For example: "I cleaned up the living room at home for an afternoon today, and I swept out a lot of empty wine bottles from the living room."
Your description is here, don’t criticize the other party, and then take the second step.
2. Express your feelings in your heart
What are your feelings when this happens? "Aggrieved, happy, lonely, sad, sad, angry"
For example: "I cleaned up the living room at home for an afternoon today, and I swept out a lot of empty wine bottles from the living room. I was a little angry."
This will reduce his psychological defense in comparison. You did not immediately take responsibility for him, and he is willing to communicate with you in the next step.
3. Describe the origin of your feelings
For example: "I cleaned up the living room at home for an afternoon today, and I swept out a lot of empty wine bottles from the living room. I was a little angry. I was not angry because you were messed up, but I just felt that this is our common home. I hope it is clean and tidy, so that you can feel the warmth of home every time you come home from get off work, and you won't feel tired."
In fact, this matter, on the surface, is because of littering, but what you have to tell him is not the result of "lipping", but what you have to tell him is why he is angry because of littering and telling deeper things.
Due to the differential thinking of men and women, many times quarrels are caused by differences in thinking, and the situation is becoming more and more intense. If you can't convince a man, your actions will become unreasonable.
4. Make a request
For example: "I cleaned up my living room at home for an afternoon today, and I swept out a lot of empty wine bottles from the living room. I was a little angry. I was not angry because you were messed up, but I just felt that this is our common home. I hope it is clean and tidy, so that you can feel the warmth of home every time you get home from get off work, and you won't feel tired.If you drink, remember to pack up the bottle. I think you are so smart, you will definitely remember it. ”
Another example: “I hope you can drink less alcohol in the future, which will be bad for your health. "Wait
When you want the other party to meet you, you need to consider what the other party's core needs are. Because no one likes to make ends meet and gains are not worth the loss. Most people will not regard the loss as a life creed.
Fellow relationships require good usage habits, maintenance and heating are the key, rather than complaining, "You were not like this before, you were too different from you now, you just don't love me anymore."
Only by getting out of this misunderstanding can you have a stable long-term relationship.
