Confession:
Hello Taozi Mom, I am the mother of two children. The eldest is almost 4 years old, and the second child is only over 6 months old.
My husband and I were classmates. Before him, I had a boyfriend. After marrying my husband, he suddenly said that in fact, he thought it was not his first time with me (virgin), and he also felt that my height did not meet his ideal.
He also said, "My ex-boyfriend and his buddies know each other, which makes him feel embarrassed."
I was so angry that I cried at that time, but he didn't comfort me and said that I would cry . Since then, I have never cried in front of him again, but I also felt heartbroken and gave up the idea of living a good life with him.
Before marriage, he always treated me well, except for being reluctant to spend money, there was nothing big problem.
Unexpectedly, after getting married, is picky about me and always likes to turn over old accounts . I also regret that this marriage failed too much.
Later I wanted a child very much, but he didn't take the initiative. He also said that he didn't want a child, and we quarreled a lot about it.
is like this, and then she is pregnant with the boss.
After I had a boss, I started living in my mother's house. My mother-in-law was unwilling to help me take care of my children. He never said he was too much, and he blamed me for being careless and not being liked by my mother-in-law.
I brought my eldest son to 2 years old, and then I went to work. The child was watched by my mother-in-law. She told the child that I was not good to me all day long, and even taught the child to beat me.
Before, my husband gave me and my children money. Since I went to work, I have to hide from my children and I, and he will not pay until I get angry with him.
My mother-in-law also taught me that she would take all her income by herself and could not pay the tax base with me.
Later, I gave birth to a second child, who is also a son. My husband followed the instructions of his mother-in-law and bought a house in the apartment where his company was located, and asked me to go to get money from my parents' home.
I refused because my dad had just had surgery at that time and had to undergo chemotherapy. We paid for the money ourselves, and my husband didn't help at all.
Last year, my dad had a sudden heart attack, so I asked my husband to Municipal Hospital , My husband said he was going to work and would not go.
My heart was so cold that my dad left without rescue.
Later, my mother and I lived with me, and my husband lived back to my in-laws' house. I never came to my place to see the children after get off work.
Now his newly bought apartment, his colleague wants to rent it, the rent is 600. When I ask about these things, he thinks I gossiped. I ask him to call me the rent every month, but he doesn't.
Later, we had a cold war for a long time, and I ignored him. Later, he called me every day, but I didn't answer, and at most he replied to him on WeChat.
He also sent me 600 red envelopes to . I still don’t want to answer the phone, and now I live like this, not being salty or unpretentious. I always ask him for living expenses once, and I will never take the initiative to give them.
When I wrote this, I hated myself for being useless, why did I have two children with him like this! What exactly did I picture! If I had known that he was such a person, it would have been great to part with him earlier!
I want to know, can I do something else to change the status quo?
reply:
Reading your letter, I made up a picture:
If after getting married, when he said that he minds that you are not a virgin and thinks you are not tall, you can slap him in the face and drag him to the Civil Affairs Bureau to divorce immediately , then there will be no worries in the future.
But why didn't you do this? Because you also have a serious pleasing personality.
The most significant vicious circle in your relationship is: He keeps pleasing to his mother, you keep pleasing to him.
Otherwise, it won’t explain the fact that you have been with him for so long and have two children.
You mentioned your heart is cold several times, but the heart of an ordinary person will be really cold once, but your heart can be cold again and again, which means that you "heat" it in the middle.
You seem to always have expectations for him again, which gives him the chance to hurt you again and again. And this is likely to be the subconscious "pleasure" at work.
You said that your days are sometimes good and sometimes bad, but he is a person with cold feelings and severe mama baby. So how does "time good" appear?
I guess, it is probably that he goes home as if nothing is wrong, and you don’t need any apology or substantial compensation, and you just think that “he can talk to me peacefully, even if he still has the heart to live with me,” and then easily forgives him, and he is confused about his writing .
What kind of person is he? It’s not that you don’t have the chance to see clearly, but every time, you deceive yourself and don’t dare to look carefully or think carefully.
You seem to be afraid of something. Although you have a lot of dissatisfaction with your husband, you may still be afraid of the breakdown of your relationship...
There is a very common psychological phenomenon is:
Many women will project their husbands as "ideal parents" after marriage, especially women who lack love in their original family. They will look forward to repairing the regrets between themselves and their parents in their relationship with their husbands. The breakdown of the relationship with the husband is almost equivalent to being abandoned by the "parents".
This kind of fear often dominates women, endures all kinds of disbelief in marriage, and hopes that my husband will "change" and change it to my ideal parents.
But this is absolutely impossible. At least when you still have this kind of delusion, and when you are still getting cold again and again, the situation you are looking forward to will never come.
found that it was not. When you showed with practical actions that "I really don't need this relationship very much", your husband took the initiative to contact you and sent you a red envelope of 600.
Please keep this "cold face" state. And you said that you should ask him for money every month and give it once. That means he is not holding on to the pressure.
This is A common problem for severe mama boys — They listen to their mothers, but they can actually listen to their wives. As long as their wife is as strong as their mothers , even stronger and more "shy" than their mothers.
The inner heart of a mother boy is both misogynistic and afraid of women.
utilize this! Rental matter, as long as you have not divorced, even if you are a common property, you have the right to inquire about it.
I suggest that if you want this money, go directly to his unit, find a colleague who rents his house, and then ask someone to send the money to you directly. Otherwise, you will throw the apartment into a mess with the paint, so that he can't live in or rent it out.
Don’t he care much about his image in the minds of his buddies?
You can also borrow money from his buddy. If you can borrow it, notify him again:
"You will repay him for how much money I borrowed. If it is so difficult for you to ask for money from you, I will borrow it from your buddy one by one;
or borrow it from my ex-boyfriend. Even if you can't borrow it, let them see how shameless you, a man who doesn't raise a child, is."
In short, The weakness of your husband, you must make good use of . Wait until the second baby goes to kindergarten, wait until you are more affordable, and then dump him.
