The movie "The Good Wife" says: "The greatest charm of marriage lies in two people who are not related to blood, exploring how deep the connection can be achieved."
We always say that couples should trust each other, but is there another possibility? The husband is squandering outside, you live a stingy life at home, and in the end, you have to pay for the other party's mistakes.
This is true for my colleague Sister Gui. She told us: "The AA system makes me live in a desperate situation, and husband and wife must also keep a hand."
Sister Gui is 51 years old, her son is in college, and her daughter is still in junior high school.
She was originally at the retirement age, but considering her family situation, she proposed to continue to stay at work in the unit.
Sister Gui told me that she has been in the unit for 18 years and is a senior employee. Although her income is not high, fortunately she is stable, so she doesn’t have to worry about her livelihood.
When she was 29 years old, she went on a blind date with her husband. When they first got married, they had a hard time and had to rent a house to live.
After marriage, her husband went out for rent, and she found a factory to work, thinking that as long as the two of them work together, life would get better and better.
Who knew that she had been busy for a year and didn't save a penny. Her husband never refused to take his income home. He always made excuses, saying that he wanted to repair the car or had urgent needs. Sometimes he would ask Sister Gui for money if he was not enough.
After the son was born, Sister Gui hoped that her husband could take care of the family, and her husband did take some money from home. Later, Sister Gui found out that all the money was borrowed and she would need to pay it back in the future.
Sister Gui was very angry. When the child got a little older, she found a job and went to work again and proposed a AA system for living expenses. She asked her husband to get 1,000 living expenses at home every month, otherwise she would not make the other party’s meal.
With her insistence, the AA system was implemented thoroughly. Sister Gui herself was relatively cheap. She rarely bought clothes and would not go out to eat. After deducting the necessary living expenses, she still had the remaining amount to save.
In the past, when her husband encountered something, he would ask her for money. If she didn't take out the money, her husband would quarrel with her, making her feel tired. Since the AA system, she has never told her husband about her income, and the other party can't make excuses to ask for money.
Actually, Sister Gui knew that her husband could make money, but he had a bad habit, which was that he was easy to play cards. As long as he didn't leave the car, he would get together with a few people and didn't care about family affairs or children at all.
Sister Gui also filed for divorce, but her husband refused to agree. In addition, her mother's mother was in poor health, so she always advised her to think about her children. Having a complete family is good for the growth of her children.
For the sake of the child, Sister Gui gritted her teeth and insisted. Unexpectedly, an unexpected pregnancy disrupted her plan. She didn't want it in her heart. She went to the hospital to have an operation. After the doctor checked, she told her: Your physical condition does not allow it, so she should consider it carefully.
Others are happy when they are pregnant. Sister Gui is pregnant with her second child and cried several times. Later, she figured it out. Perhaps it was the arrangement of fate. She was a little harder when she was young, and life would be better when the children grew up.
In order to reduce the burden, she worked until she was 8 months pregnant. After the child was double-month, she ran back to work. Our unit has an advantage, that is, the technicians have their own office, and Sister Gui can keep her mother and child with her. Although she is busy, her income will not be affected.
Some people may say, why don’t your husband take care of his children, or maybe let him get more living expenses?
In fact, Sister Gui also discussed this with her husband. Her husband's attitude is that we have an AA system for living expenses. I will give you an additional 500 milk powder every month at most. Don't ask me for anything else.
So the question is, Her husband has worked for many years and should have savings in his hands. Where did he spend his money?
The answer is to start a business. Sister Gui’s husband was tired of driving. He wanted to open a store and become the boss, so he took out all his savings, borrowed some of the money from his relatives, opened a restaurant, and prepared to earn more money.
When he had this idea, Sister Gui clearly stopped him, believing that her husband has no experience in doing business and that opening a hotel is not as simple as it seems. He will probably lose money by starting a business with passion.
The husband is confident: " is not spending your money, what does it have to do with you? Don't forget our AA system."
AA system has become a barrier for the two of them to not interfere with each other. Seeing that they couldn't persuade them, Sister Gui left with him. After the hotel opened, the monthly expenses were as high as more than 30,000, of which the chef's salary alone was 10,000. The little money saved in her hand was not enough to spend. In less than a year, the hotel reached the point of transfer.
business is no longer done, and the taxi is not wanted to drive. Sister Gui's husband turns on the lying flat mode and plays with his mobile phone at home every day. The cushions on the sofa are pleated, and he doesn't want to move. The bowls in the kitchen are not washed for a day, and they are piled in the vegetable sink, attracting small insects to fly around.
Sister Gui really couldn't stand it and solemnly proposed divorce. She didn't want to live with her husband for a day. Maybe she saw that her attitude was firm, and her husband changed and took the initiative to show weakness. She asked herself to give her another 3 years to go through the divorce procedures after the college entrance examination, so as not to affect her children's studies.
Seeing her husband considering the child, Sister Gui softened her heart. She could only take a step back and ask her husband to go out to work. Her husband was so happy. She went out to find a job the next day and soon had a new job, saying that she had entered a good company.
Sister Gui didn't think much about it. Seeing her husband going to and from get off work on time every day, she really thought the other party was at ease, but she didn't know that her husband was making a bigger hole. The other party didn't go to work at all, but was eating, drinking and having fun with her friends all day long. What should I do if I don't have money? A friend lured him to online loans.
In less than two years, Sister Gui's husband owed more than 300,000 foreign debts and needed to pay more than 40,000 yuan a month. He did not have the money to pay them back. He could only tear down the east wall and repair the west wall until he could not fill the holes, so he explained the truth to Sister Gui.
When Sister Gui heard this, she felt numb. She did have more than 200,000 yuan in her hand. She was going to buy a house. She had never told her husband whether she should take it out. She was very confused.
After consulting a lawyer, Sister Gui decisively rejected her husband's request. She admitted that she would not give her money even if she had money. The two have been in AA for more than ten years and their relationship was very weak. During the marriage, the husband did not assume the responsibility of the family, and the online loan he borrowed privately was not used for family life and could not be a joint debt of the couple.
While suing for divorce, Sister Gui re-rented the house and moved out. She completely drew a line with her husband and protected her two children. She did not hide her own affairs. After work, she asked us: "Are I too cruel to do this?"
In my opinion, Sister Gui is doing right. As a mother, she has the responsibility to protect herself and her children. Of course, she must manage her and her reliable husband well. This kind of marriage with many years of expenses is not worth nostalgia.
Women can be gentle and virtuous, and they must have the courage to stop damage in time. When they encounter husbands who are lazy and have bad habits, they must know how to protect themselves.
1. If a partner does not know about the loan, you may not accept . Some men are very bold and will lend money secretly on their backs. When they think they have no choice, their wives cannot refuse to save them. This idea is selfish and their wives can refuse. As long as you can prove that you are unaware and that the money borrowed by the other party is not used for family management, you will not have to bear any responsibility.
2. The marriage AA system is very cold, and leaving early is the best strategy . If a man requires an AA fee and refuses to spend more energy to take care of the child, you can see the other person's true face clearly. He is not a person who can entrust his life to his life. The sooner he leaves, the better he is to himself.
3. Learn to keep accounts and keep necessary notes. Many people don’t like to keep accounts and think it’s too trivial. In fact, keeping accounts well is still very helpful to life. At least you can know where the money is spent, and you can adjust your expenditures in a targeted manner. With the account book, couples can communicate better.
Summary:
Marriage AA system protects Sister Gui and allows us to see the truth of a marriage. Sometimes there is a heart between husband and wife.
From another angle, it is enough to see Sister Gui’s sadness. Any husband is more reliable, he will not live so hard.
Someone said: "Marriage will affect a woman's second half of her life."
The sentence is true. When you meet a responsible husband, your life will be smooth sailing. If your husband is lazy, it will be difficult for you to maintain family balance no matter how hard you work.
Woman, you must love yourself well and make yourself happy, so that you can have enough courage to arrange your life.
Together!
