Recently, "Their Names " ushered in its finale. Among them, the housewife Ren Duomei, whose marriage method is to treat her mother-in-law as her immediate boss and her husband as her boss, is flooding the Internet.
This reminded Xiaotong that there has always been a problem in marriage and family that cannot be solved and cannot be avoided, which is the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
A good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can certainly add icing on the cake to a marriage, but if the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not handled well, it will not only affect the normal life between the couple, but also easily destroy an originally happy marriage.
In marriage and family, how should we view mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship ? Xiaotong summarizes the following four points:
01-The husband uses the "dual identity" reasonably
In the play, although Ren Duomei did not live with her mother-in-law after marriage, her mother-in-law would come to their small house to "inspect" from time to time and express opinions on every detail of the small house, from small food, purchasing home appliances, to having children, how to take care of her husband.
But her husband has never protected her at all. He even sometimes uses her to "block" the gun in the face of the mother's birth...
mother-in-law and daughter-in-law's relationship is like a subtle triangle relationship, and the key point is the husband. Xiaotong found that in real life, some conflicts between women and mother-in-law originated from their discovery that their husbands and mother-in-law were standing in the same camp.
The husband is both a spouse and a son in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. should use his dual identity reasonably.
When there is a conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, as a son, you must try your best to take responsibility and ease the mother-in-law's resentment towards her daughter-in-law; as a husband, you must learn to observe your words and expressions, explain and comfort her more, and encourage the mother-in-law to get along harmoniously.
If you are the head of a family, only listen to one side, favor one side, and blame the other side, it will only add fuel to the fire and intensify the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Xiaotong always feels: In marriage and family, every family member must be kind and try his best to find the responsibilities that the other party has done to maintain the marriage and family, rather than always thinking about and looking at what the other party has not done for the time being.
02-Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law accept each other
Ji Xianlin once said: "Everyone strives for a perfect life. However, from ancient times to the present, at home and abroad, there is no 100% perfect life, so incompleteness is the norm in life."
picky, accuse, and deny. This is actually an ideal defense mechanism for internal . It is very common in various interpersonal relationships. marriage and family relationships is even more common. This is actually an ideal defense mechanism for internal , and often becomes the beginning of quarrels and conflicts among family members.
Xiaotong found that most conflicts in marriage and family originate from disacceptance. When negative emotions accumulate little by little, you will easily fall into negative traps when thinking about problems. People will easily fall into cognitive cycles, and then habitually transfer their emotions to those around them, gradually deepening the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Xiaotong always feels that In marriage and family, we must not only accept our own imperfections, but also learn to accept each other's imperfections. When we can face family members, no longer measure each other with a ruler, and no longer shape her into what we want, this family relationship is the most stable.
03-Find the correct positioning of the family and do not interfere with
In life, many couples are unable to live alone due to life factors such as employment pressure, economic pressure, and parenting pressure. The relationship under the same roof is not improved, causing the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to continue to deepen~
Xiaotong summarizes that the main contradictions in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are the following factors: The mother-in-law is offside, the husband is absent, and the one is misplaced.
Mother-in-law offside is mainly manifested in: the mother-in-law lacks independence, regards her son as a part of self-extension, regards her son and grandson as her belongings, regards her daughter-in-law as an outsider, and regards herself as the center of the whole family.
The absence of a husband is mainly manifested in: not treating himself as the head of the family, focusing on everything based on the mother's feelings, and ignoring his wife is the mistress of the small family.
The misalignment of a wife is mainly manifested in: being unable to correct her identity as a hostess, focusing all her energy and thoughts on her children, neglecting her marriage management, and not getting the understanding and attention of her family at home.
Xiaotong always feels that good marriage and family is a kind of investing emotional connection , which is the result of long-term mutual care, mutual nourishment and mutual support between family members. Only by growing together can they make each other better.
04-I don’t expect too much about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
In marriage and family, some men have a misunderstanding about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: "I love my mother, so I hope my wife loves my mother too; when we are married, you should treat my mother with the standards of your daughter."
Xiaotong believes that in marriage and family, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should not expect too much from each other.
Mother-in-law should not ask the daughter-in-law to use the standards for her son and daughter, and the daughter-in-law should do her best to fulfill her responsibilities; the daughter-in-law should not expect the mother-in-law to suddenly change her personality and lifestyle. The development of many years of habits cannot be changed overnight.
Once the two parties confuse the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and mother-daughter relationship, they will become dissatisfied because the other party cannot meet their expectations, which will intensify the conflict.
Xiaotong always feels that in marriage and family, if we can each cultivate a heart that actively maintains, then our marriage and family will be full of vitality in the long river of time.
The book "Little Prince" once said: "Love is not just about gaze on each other, but about looking in the same direction together."
The secret to a happy marriage and family is "multiple each other" rather than "multiple each other". In a beautiful marriage and family, love and family are needed as the glue of the family. It can make a family have strong vitality, cohesion and influence, and it can make the home warm and happy.
