Zhou Guoping once said: "All interactions have a last boundary that cannot be surpassed. This boundary is not clear between two people, but it is certain. All troubles and conflicts arise from unintentionally trying to break through this boundary."
For example, there is also a sense of boundary between parents and children. When parents use the banner of me for your own good, they spy on their children's privacy, look through their children's mobile chat records and diaries, and over-inquire about their children's whereabouts, their children will feel that their sense of boundaries is violated and they will also have opinions about their parents. However, their parents cannot understand and think that they are all for their children's good and have the right to interfere with everything about their children.
In fact, people are independent individuals, all have their own little secrets, all their own interests that they need to protect, and all desire to be respected by others, including their parents.
What's more, as the saying goes, it is human nature to not punish people for themselves, but to seek profit. It is nature and a legal means to protect one's own legitimate interests and to prohibit others from harming one's own interests without a sense of boundaries.
Psychologist Freud said: In any relationship, we must dare to defend our boundaries with anger. People have no anger, just like a country is not armed.
Whether it is parents or others, when they have no sense of boundaries and violate your legitimate interests, you must remember to have your own bottom line and not choose to swallow your anger when encountering things.
When you meet a reasonable person, you may be able to broaden the sky and be happy. When you meet an egoist, your concessions will bring you the other party’s gains and more losses of interests.
"Dad, mom, have the family group quit? Is there anyone who sends you messages that accusing you of being stingy and not thinking about family affection? Let's block the other one, don't be polite."
Although Uncle Li is a person who misses family affection very much and does not want to have a quarrel with relatives, when he thinks about what happened on October 1st, Uncle Li is also angry, and he can better understand his son Mr. Li's feelings.
01. On the eve of National Day, I received 8 invitations, and 6 of them did not have much friendship;
"Long before the holiday, many people asked me if my son would come back during the holiday. I said not necessarily. Some relatives said that my son was unfilial. He just knew that he had enjoyed his parents in the city, forgot his parents, and did not come back to see his parents during the holiday. He advised me to urge him to come back for the holiday and be filial. At first, I thought they were really thinking about me, and I felt that it was too lonely for us couples to celebrate the holiday."
When Uncle Li learned that his son's family was going to come back for the holiday, he was very happy and told those relatives who came to ask every few days. Then, Uncle Li received 8 invitations, some held a wedding, some celebrated their birthday, and some did not know why, so he postponed until this time to hold a school entrance banquet for his children who were admitted to college.
Looking at these invitations, Uncle Li felt helpless. The most common day was October 2, and there were three banquets waiting to attend. The relatives even named his son and asked him to go.
"My son is too busy. I heard from my daughter-in-law that he not only has to get up at around 6 o'clock in the morning to go to work, but he doesn't go back every day at 8 o'clock in the evening, but also often needs to work overtime until late at night and take a day off in a week. This time, the reason why I am not sure whether he will come back is because I am worried that he can't even enjoy the normal National Day holiday. After finally having so many days off, I hope my son will come back, have a good rest, and eat his mother's hometown. Let’s relax, instead of spending time on these social events, saying good things and getting close to each other, it’s exhausting. “
Moreover, Uncle Li looked at these invitations carefully. Except for his wife and nephew who held the wedding and his cousin who celebrated his birthday, other relatives did not have a deep relationship with their family. At most, they would visit each other during the New Year and pay New Year’s greetings. In recent years, because his son has been admitted to a good university and has a promising future, he has become the most promising young man in the family, so they have closer contact.
"It's not good to go! After all, they are all relatives, the same surname, if you don't go, it will be so ugly!"
02. My son's annual salary is 350,000 yuan, which is obtained through his own efforts. Have you eaten the rice from those relatives?
"How about it, the old couple will go to participate and let our son and daughter-in-law have a good rest at home?"
After listening to his wife's advice, Uncle Li shook his head because he knew very well that the purpose of others was his son, which was that he would change the fate of poverty through unremitting efforts and become the son of a phoenix man with an annual salary of 350,000 yuan.
"When my son was young, his family was really poor. Although he had not had the last meal but had no meal, his clothes, schoolbags and school supplies were all second-hand. One year, the family was in trouble and flooded the crops in the fields. I couldn't even get the tuition fees. I borrowed them all from my relatives, and there were very few who were willing to help me. There was no way, my wife and I went to school. The school agreed to delay the payment because of my son's excellent grades. Otherwise, I wouldn't know if my son could continue to go to school."
Mr. Li's son worked hard to study and was admitted to the best university in the province. After graduation, after hard work, he joined a large local enterprise and later bought a house in the city to have a child.
"My son currently has an annual salary of 350,000 yuan, which is much higher than the young people in the family. Everyone is envious and says that his son is lucky and has made a fortune. What luck is good? It's all for hard work. He has to pay his best results. He has to read books with a room full of exercise books, a desk lamp at 3 a.m., a 39-degree fever, and he has to read books. He can't have any complaints every now and then. I feel sorry for him!"
The son is his biological son, and Uncle Li will naturally feel sorry for him, but his relatives don't know how to do it, and he always wants to benefit from it. He often asks Uncle Li to tell his difficulties. He hopes that Uncle Li can help him borrow money from his son. Uncle Li's principle of not saving the poor and not paying his debts, and he has long offended many relatives.
"My son's annual salary is 350,000 yuan. Have you eaten their rice? Why do they benefit from it? Am I stupid? Why do you help them cheat their son?"
03. People follow 200, so we have to add 0 to the back. Who are you old? It would be better if you don’t want such a relative.
The person who refused to lend a helping hand and even persuaded Mr. Li to give up his studies, go out to work and make money, and say that studying is useless is the relative who caused trouble for Mr. Li's family on October 1st.
The story is like this. After Mr. Li arrived home at 3 a.m. on October 1st, he took a short break and had to attend the wedding of his relative and son. Although I had been unhappy in the past, I still have to pay enough attention.
Before his son set off, he asked Uncle Li about gifts. The daughter-in-law directly said: "If you don't have a close relationship, don't give so much. Other relatives give 200, right? Then we will give 200 too. Otherwise, how much do you have to give in the next seven games? I will give less than him and don't be scolded to death. If you give more, will our money be blown by the strong wind?"
So, according to his wife's opinion, Mr. Li gave the relative 200 gifts with others. Unexpectedly, the relative opened the red envelope in public and saw only 2 red tickets. His face changed and he retorted Mr. Li: "You have an annual salary of 350,000, and you only give 200 gifts for gifts. You are so unfavorable. You have to add 0 at least!"
Mr. Li's wife was also present. After hearing such shameless words, she retorted without hesitation: "Take gifts is just your intention. Besides, why should we give 200 yuan? We are stupid and have more money, right? You are just begging for food?"
"He was so angry that he wanted to beat my daughter-in-law. My son picked up the 200 yuan and took his daughter-in-law away. Now, he is still accusing us of our behavior in the family group and asking us to apologize, otherwise the relatives would not do it, and some relatives would help him speak."
Uncle Li not only did not apologize, but instead withdrew from the family group. Now he is packing things and planning to live in the city with his son and daughter-in-law, and will not go back to his hometown in the future. It would be fine if such a relative has no such relative.
04. He is shameless. If you give him a face, isn’t it boring to make things happen?
There is a classic line in the movie "The Godfather": "A soft-hearted heart without boundaries will only make the other person more attractive; being kind without principles will only make the other person do whatever he wants."
Respect others and giving face to others is the principle of dealing with people, but the premise is that that person must be worthy of your respect. If he is shameless, wouldn’t you give him a face?
Don’t be too polite to deal with shameless people. You should decisively reject him from the first time so that he will never have the chance to ask for a second time. Only when he encounters a hard nail and finds that he cannot take advantage of you no matter what, he will give up the idea of taking advantage of you.
As for the relationship between you, he doesn't care about relationship anymore. You still care about it. He will only give him the opportunity to plot against you and use the relationship to force you to give in.
END.
Today’s topic: Do you have any good suggestions for Uncle Li? Welcome to share your views in the comment section.
