(Picture source: Internet/Delete infringement)
Brush Xiaohongshu to a blogger who is a clay villain. The paid orders have been scheduled until March next year, and I suddenly feel a little moved.
and sister Acheng said, "As long as you do anything to the extreme, you can make money."
"But I didn't do it to the extreme."
Whether it is writing since childhood, painting chosen for academics, or French on a whim, etc., I have lived for 22 years. Apart from loving others, I have never insisted on anything.
Even though I often want to give up on being alive.
An article written two months ago said that because my mother has never insisted on anything, I have the same mother as my daughter.
I even agree with the idea that "it doesn't matter if you don't stick to it."
After two months, after I set the goal of "I have achieved my life, and I must live well next", I suddenly wanted to stick to something.
besides loving others.
Because I look back on my short 22 years of career, I find that I like and be good at loving others more than I love myself and involuntarily.
For example, in order to give gifts to friends, I will spend time understanding the other party’s preferences and prepare for a long time in advance;
I will accurately judge what the other party needs at this moment or in the future through the other party’s words and physical and mental situation;
I will always consider other people’s feelings, and even if I am wronged, I will grit my teeth and say it’s okay;
…
How wholeheartedly and vigorously I love others.
But what I gained was the other person's moment and shallow joy of thanking.
The "equal returns" I envisioned are often only once or twice in ten times.
The occasional kindness of others to me seems to me as great and worthy of permanent collection.
But for others, it is easy to be verbally simple, and practical actions are just irrelevant occasions.
After all, I am too little and precious. Anyone has to think about it before deciding whether to give it or how much to give it.
Obviously most of the time, I am not worth it, or rather, not that worth it.
In short, I overestimate my relationship with some people.
This overestimation often makes me feel uncomfortable in the loss I know in my heart and the tolerance I don’t say in my mouth.
This is what I have understood recently.
When I understood, I immediately decided that I should not give all my not much love to others.
I want to love myself well.
If I have a lot of love, then I must love myself seventy percent and love others threety percent.
And before I loved others 100%.
After 22 years of practice, I finally know that this won’t work.
The result of loving others is in the hands of others, then I am not me, but me shaped by others.
I will be happy because others love me, others hurt me, and my emotions and even my body are not controlled by me, but only by me. The deeper meaning of this passiveness is that I have completely handed myself to others, and I cannot decide my life and death.
But the result of loving yourself is in my own hands. No matter how good or bad, I cannot blame others, because it is entirely up to me.
The transformation of the object of undertaking made me truly realize that love others is actually an irresponsible manifestation, an expression of escaping and letting go of oneself and life.
Love others, giving me an excuse to say that it is because of xxx that I became like this.
Love yourself, I can only say it is my own problem and has nothing to do with others.
Now, I want to say that it is more about "concern".
Because we focus all our attention on others, we can see in a timely and accurate manner what others really need.
At the same time, we ignore our real needs.
For example, we give others the scarf we wear in winter. We think that others need this warmth and attention, but in essence it is our own needs.
Because most of us hope that others will also give the "same" gift "reward".
(It's okay to send back the gift is not a scarf, because what is important is not the item of scarf, but the meaning hidden behind the item of scarf. The meaning of
depends on people. Some people pay attention to it, some people have friendship, and some people have love...)
is difficult for me to explain clearly now, because I have never read this type of book and theory, and I can only express it based on my own existing language and thinking.
If you have friends with similar books, you can recommend them to me.
So when we give gifts to others and communicate with others, we can separate from the perspective of God and see what I am sending and saying.
detach from concrete things and think about abstract things.
Through the above thinking, we can clearly know what it means to love ourselves: focus on ourselves.
When we ask others if they are in a good mood, we first ask ourselves how they are;
When we ask others about their preferences, we first ask ourselves about their preferences;
When we worry about other people's bodies, we first look at our health;
...
...
When we focus on ourselves, we will find that in the eyes of others, I am actually a common and full of holes that can be replaced by free nanny.
This kind of love is actually not stable or continuous for others, and it will disappear or fade at any time.
Because a person who doesn’t love himself, why should he love others correctly forever?
"You can't even take good care of yourself, why should you take care of others?"
I also admitted after being frivolous in my youth that I will not love people who do not love myself.
Maybe love can make people learn to take care of others or something, but love itself is a mysterious thing, so how can we expect it to make people love others continuously and stably? The same is true for family and friendship.
Whether it is a person who is loved well or someone who is ignored and hurt, he is essentially in his unconscious attention and attention.
In fact, every sentence is about themselves;
People who ignore and deceive friends actually fall into their own life;
People who value lovers actually reflect what they don’t know;
...
Our attention to others (or love or hate), whether malicious or good-willed, is essentially focusing on our own gains and losses.
Love others because I hope others will come according to my wishes.
hates others because others have not fulfilled my wishes.
This self-righteous attention often leads to unclear self-cognition and mistakenly think that the root of everything lies in others.
Little do you know that the problems of others in your eyes are actually your own problems; the perfect lover in your eyes is actually your own desire.
has said so much, but what I finally want to express is: pay less attention to others and pay more attention to yourself.
Research less on others and shape yourself more.
Less "love" others and "love" yourself more.
