Confession:
My husband and female classmates often have parties, one man and three female classmates.
This situation has been three or four years, and he has never let me see them before. Every time we go to a party, we will have a big fight.
Some time ago, I chatted with my husband and I happily and harmoniously, and then he promised me that when I go out, I would explain the situation to me and tell me whoever I get together with.
But he came back very late last night and actually got a reunion with his group of female classmates again, and he didn't tell me in advance.
I was mad at him. He said that these are friends who grew up wearing open crotch pants. If something happened, it would have happened long ago. Now it is really just a party, and I have absolutely nothing to do.
But I think this is his excuse. If you can have such a frequent party that is not tired of being tired and not afraid of gossip, your purpose will definitely be more than simple! I can't trust him at all!
After a quarrel, I asked him if he is not allowed to go to parties in the future, can he do it?
He said yes, no party anymore, I asked him to delete the WeChat of those female classmates, but he didn't delete it, and said that everyone was embarrassed to delete it. He said that the classmates are so familiar with each other, and even if they don't contact each other, they will not break up.
I robbed him of his phone and deleted it myself. He didn't dare to disagree at the time, but he added another one today, saying that there was something to say, and that the other party added him first.
I don’t believe it, but looking at their chat history, I didn’t say a few words. It was a female classmate who asked him if it was a parent-child class , because my son had attended this class before, and his tone didn’t seem to be a problem.
Really, I feel he is very scumbag, but I don’t have any evidence of his cheating, and he doesn’t admit it, I feel very confused. Maybe writing this letter to you is a bit incoherent, but I really don’t know if I want to get a divorce.
reply:
First of all, Taozi's mother believes that to collect evidence of husband cheating, the premise is that you have made a decisive divorce decision and plan to let your husband be the "fault party" in divorce lawsuit , giving you financial compensation, or allowing yourself to benefit when dividing the property and fighting for custody.
The purpose of your collection of evidence is to decide whether to divorce. If my husband really cheats, he will leave him. If he doesn’t cheat, he will stay away. Is this what it means?
But have you ever thought that if your husband really didn’t cheat, but he still continued to reunite with his female classmates, would you be happy? Do you accept it?
is still unhappy, and you still have to make a fuss or quarrel, right?
So, Your core focus should not be to verify whether your husband has cheated on you, but how to make yourself happy!
The idea is simple. You can make clear requirements: "No matter whether you have any tricks or not, as long as you gather, I will be unhappy. I hope you will never gather with them in the future, or you must take me to the party."
Let him choose for himself.
But at the same time you need to ask yourself, what can you do if he refuses to cooperate or disobeys him? You said you have the urge to divorce, but do you really have the courage to implement it?
I suggest you can separate first. Note that what I am talking about is separation, not proposing separation, not discussing with him whether to separate, and not having to tell him the right to yes or no.
Because this incident obviously brings you great mental torture. is separated, not to punish him, and don’t be narcissistic to think that he can’t live without you.
Separation is to rescue yourself from the chaotic and anxious emotions, leave yourself with space for independence and peace, experience the life of "no man will not die", and calm your mind and mind, and think about whether you can adapt to another lifestyle, such as being single, such as having a partner but not remarrying...
Of course, it is also possible that during the separation, your husband will come to seek reunion and admit his mistakes verbally.
But as long as it has no substantial improvement at the behavior level, or has slightly improved, temporary improvement but is far from reaching the level of satisfaction of you, don't easily get back together.
If necessary, you can also use the time of separation to build your psychological divorce.
After thinking about it, you just do it directly, and you don’t have to argue with him about “Is it awkward to cheat”, “Is it embarrassing to delete classmates’ WeChat”, “What details indicate that their relationship is ambiguous”, won the fight, took advantage of it, is it useful?
As long as it does not meet your requirements in action, you will continue to be hurt.
In short, It makes you unhappy, you make a clear request, but he can't do it, and it keeps upsetting you, so leave him and find someone who can make you happy, or someone who is happy.
Taozi's mother believes that all contradictions in marriage can be followed by this logic. This is the practical hardcore of "Love yourself".
or above, for your reference, I wish you happiness.
