Mr. Qian Zhongshu said: "Marriage is a besieged city. People outside the city want to get in, and people in the city want to get out."
Marriage is beautiful, but also trivial. Everyone has different understandings and choices.
Some people try bravely and gain happiness;
Some people encounter unkind people and are separated halfway;
There are still people who live outside the city and are romantic alone.
Regarding marriage, divorce, and non-marriage, there is no absolute good or bad, they are all equally divided between brothers.
Behind the different choices, everyone has their own expectations. Maybe they are what they want, or maybe they are disappointed.
Today, Mr. Ten will talk to you about marriage, divorce, non-marriage...how should we choose?
Some people often say: "The prerequisite for a happy marriage is the unity of three views."
But the reality is that everyone grows up in a different environment and has their own understanding of the world. Uniformity is accidental, and difference is inevitable.
When two independent individuals form a family, what is more important than the consistency of three views is the emotional intelligence in marriage.
blogger @李木鱼 shared the story of my parents.
My parents have been married for more than 20 years. Like most couples, they often quarrel over trivial matters in life.
The difference is that my father has a high emotional intelligence and will always ease the atmosphere in time to prevent conflicts from getting worse.
During the Chinese New Year, my mother was so eager to shop that she bought more than a dozen boxes of new year’s goods online, including everything she needed and some that she shouldn’t.
Dad looked at the room full of express delivery with a very serious expression, and he could clearly see his dissatisfaction, but he did not stifle mother's joy at that time.
During dinner in the evening, my father calmed down and said to my mother: "You have been a bit blind when it comes to shopping recently!"
My mother has always been strong in her life, so how can she be willing to bow down so easily and argue that what she bought is all necessities.
Dad muttered: "Buying everything blindly is not a waste of family money. I was planning to go to a physical store to buy it. The ones online are not new at all."
Mom's face became solemn, a little Angry: "You haven't tasted it yet, so what qualifications do you have to criticize me? Try it before you speak."
Mom took out a bag of peanuts and threw it to dad. Dad ate one and pretended to be more angry: "I didn't say that, The peanuts you bought are really... delicious." Then he immediately made a playful and flattering expression.
Mom was still very angry and ignored Dad. Dad then asked, "Tell me how much it cost?"
Mom listened. She didn't even want to talk to her father anymore and just said that she didn't remember. Dad immediately echoed: "If you don't tell me how much it is, how can I transfer it to you?" The storm just stopped.
I couldn’t help but think of what Song Dandan said in a variety show:
"Happiness is not about how good you are or how suitable you are together, but how you deal with inappropriate places."
Conflicts in marriage are not terrible. The terrible thing is not knowing how to resolve it and allowing the emotional cracks to grow.
Some people say that not everyone has emotional intelligence.
First of all, emotional intelligence cannot be learned. Marriage inherently relies on joint management. The worst thing is that you are always used to the other party's accommodation despite knowing that your emotional intelligence is not high.
After a long time, the one who gives in will always get tired; after a long time of taking the initiative, the enthusiastic heart will always become cold.
In fact, emotional intelligence is not as difficult as imagined. It requires a little bit of empathy, a little bit of tolerance, and a little bit of heartache. When you really think about another person, you will find that the so-called emotional intelligence is nothing more than intention. When you are with people with high emotional intelligence, conflicts will disappear invisibly, trivial matters can be romantic, and you will be accompanied by laughter for the rest of your life. There is a question on the Internet: "What does it feel like to be divorced?" Netizen @An Ran said: "I finally got rid of the marriage that consumed me, and I felt relaxed instantly." An Ran and her husband have been in love for 10 years, and they have been separated for a long time. After 3 years, they finally got divorced. Her husband is An Ran’s college classmate. When they were together, they had nothing, and they would hesitate even to buy a bottle of drink costing three yuan. But they never thought about separation. Although her family was not very supportive, Enron still insisted on her choice. After getting married, An Ran and her husband worked hard together. With their own house and car, their family had nothing to say. Unexpectedly, just when life got better, An Ran found out that her husband had cheated on her. An Ran wanted a divorce, but her husband refused no matter what. Her husband’s family even angrily accused An Ran of having a bad temper, not being gentle, and not being a prosperous husband. An Ran found it irritating and funny, so she had no choice but to move out of the house and began to separate from her husband. During the separation, the husband sued for peace and had quarrels. They went to the Civil Affairs Bureau twice, but the husband temporarily regretted it. An Ran also felt soft-hearted, but when she learned that her husband was still in contact with his mistress, she gave up completely. An Ran and her husband had been at odds for three years, and they were tortured to the point of physical and mental exhaustion. Fortunately, with her persistence, her husband finally chose to let go. After the divorce, An Ran said: "If we can no longer be happy no matter how hard we work together, then we are really destined to be separated. Separation is the best choice for each other." Yes, there is no need to force the relationship of mutual consumption. The more you struggle to maintain it, the more painful it becomes. If marriage is to run towards happiness, then divorce is to escape from misfortune. Whether it is running towards or escaping, it is the road to happiness. writer Su Cen said: Regardless of love or friendship, if you are at a low point, if you want to achieve nirvana, without exception, you must first stay away from those people who continue to consume you. You have the right to stop any relationship that consumes you, because there is nothing in the world worth wronging yourself. Time is in a hurry and should not be wasted. Doing things you like, loving worthy people, and striving to live a rich and hot life are the ultimate goals of life. Not long ago, I saw a video of actress Hui Yinghong . At the fan meeting, a 30-year-old girl said that she had just lost love and felt confused because she was older. Hui Yinghong comforted and said: "Sometimes, forcing a relationship will waste a lot of your time and youth...Relationship means getting married if you get along, and breaking up if you don't get along. 0 is still very young, and there is still a lot of precious time."
Hui Yinghong said this This passage is as rational and courageous as her own emotional life.
While growing up, Hui Yinghong had several relationships, but they all became memories of the past.
Some people disliked her for not being gentle enough, some were unfaithful and cheated on their feelings, some were amazed by the time but suddenly left, and some even almost got married to her, but ended up being fruitless because of her family burden.
Fate came and went. Hui Yinghong was getting older and older. Seeing that everyone around her had their own families, she began to hate getting married.
When she was in her 30s, Hui Yinghong went to a fortune teller to seek marriage, but the fortune teller told her that she would not get married until she was 60 years old.
When Hui Yinghong heard the result, she sat in the park and cried a lot, but she did not compromise and still said firmly:
"If I want to marry, I must marry love."
Without encountering love, Hui Yinghong just Putting more energy into work, at the age of 57, she became the double Best Actress of Academy Awards, Awards and Golden Horse Awards.
Today, Hui Yinghong is still single at the age of 62. Although she has not waited for the right person, it does not prevent her from living a shining life.
Hui Yinghong said:
I am not afraid of age or interference from the outside world. I chose my own career.
To solve the anxiety of age, do something you like, get more opportunities, and realize your own value.
I would rather be single than adapt. If the relationship is not smooth and satisfactory, you might as well make your career shine.
Just as the writer Yu Guangzhong said: "You are an independent person, and no one can erase your independence, unless you compromise with the world."
Marriage is not the main theme of life, age is not the catalyst for marriage, and secular vision is not the yardstick. Everyone has the right to make their own choices.
Even if you remain unmarried for the rest of your life, as long as you don’t go against your heart and live a self-consistent and comfortable life, it is also a kind of happiness.
The road of life is not only beautiful when it is crowded and lively, but also the quiet lanes have their own scenery.
In this life, there are many possibilities: you can get married, you can get divorced, or you can stay unmarried.
Bernard Shaw said: "If you want to get married, get married, and if you want to be single, stay single. You will all regret it in the end."
Faced with the road of marriage, no matter how you choose, don't forget that the unchanging core is Live a good life.
If you are married, please manage it carefully. When you need to escape, don’t hesitate. If you don’t want to get married, go and bloom alone.
Choose the path that suits you and move forward boldly. There is no need to envy the map in other people's hands. There is warmth and romance ahead of you.
Light up [Looking] , for the rest of your life, I hope you can live soberly and transparently, follow the guidance of your heart, and live the life you long for.
author | Li Kemo, personal public account, Miss Kemo.
picture | Visual China
