In life, there are many couples who quarrel every three days and a minor quarrel every five days, and can finally live a lifetime of stumbling. There are also some couples who part ways because of some unexpected trivial things. What is the reason that makes those couples live a happy life? What if it’s just a matter of time before it’s gone?
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Too superstitious about the basis of emotion
In reality, many people have a misunderstanding, that is, the length of emotion is equal to the depth of emotion. People take it for granted that the longer they spend time together, the deeper they will understand each other and the deeper their relationship will be. Therefore, long-distance love running and living together before marriage to experience life in advance have become a must-do process before marriage.
The reality is not like this. People are saying "love grows over time", but they forget that there is another word called "habit becomes natural". The two results seem to be the same, but they are fundamentally different.
" Love grows over time" means that you want to live with this person for the rest of your life. You are very aware of all his shortcomings and shortcomings, and you are willing to change some of your habits to tolerate and indulge him. Be happy for his happiness, and be sad for his sadness. If you lose him, your life will not change, but your heart will be hit hard, and you will burst into tears once you touch the sad situation.
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What is the real purpose of marriage?
In many cases of marriage problems, most of them entered into marriage naturally due to some special reasons when they were not mentally prepared for marriage. For example: you have been in a relationship for many years, but there is no deep relationship, but no better person has appeared, so you will naturally get married when you are old; or you have a child unexpectedly, and there is no special conflict between the two parties, so you naturally enter the stage of parenthood. Role.
Once this kind of relationship forms a family, it is often vulnerable to conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, quarrels between husband and wife, and the negative emotions caused by raising children. In fact, these troubles are faced by every couple and exist in every family. But those couples who have thought carefully about the situation have long been mentally prepared and will not be overwhelmed when trouble comes.
Those who get married hastily for the sake of marriage have never thought about what marriage will bring them. They are not used to sudden role changes, and they are not ready to bear the burden of the family, so the slightest disturbance can often cause the two to argue endlessly. When conflicts accumulate to a certain extent, mutual trust becomes lower and lower, and the marital crisis becomes more serious. It will arrive as expected.
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lives in poverty and cannot make ends meet.
Money is the first issue that both husband and wife have to face after getting married. Nowadays, it is popular in many places in China to ask for betrothal gifts, and the trend is getting more and more intense. The price of betrothal gifts can easily reach more than 100,000 or 200,000 yuan. In some areas, the price of betrothal gifts can even be as high as 30,000 to 400,000 yuan, not counting the money to buy a house or a car.
High betrothal gifts often wipe out decades of savings for an ordinary family, and may even lead to debt. After getting married, disputes between the newlyweds and their parents-in-law will inevitably arise over debts and other issues. Over time, the relationship between the couple will break down.
As the old saying goes: "Poor and lowly couples are in trouble", When a family has been living in poverty for a long time and cannot make ends meet, it is easy for the couple to have various conflicts, which will eventually lead to the breakdown of the marriage. This is the reality.
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"Widowed" marriage
Marriage requires management and companionship. Especially wives need their husbands' care and companionship. In today's society, many husbands, after getting married, work hard and socialize outside all day long in order to provide a better life for their families. When they get home, they either go to bed in the middle of the night or go to bed. They lack communication and companionship with their wives and children. Modern people call this kind of marriage " widowed marriage ”.
The Chinese tradition is that men are the masters of the outside world and women are the masters of the house. Many people will say that if a man does not work hard outside and make money to support his family, then in the end he will live a hard life as mentioned in the first article, which will eventually lead to the breakdown of the marriage.
In fact, there is no conflict between making money to support the family and spending time with your wife and children. The main thing is that it depends on human effort. For example, there is a couple. Because the children are still young, the wife stays at home to take care of the children full-time, while the husband goes out to work hard in Beijing and can only go home on weekends. After this marriage lasted for three years, the wife chose to divorce. The reason is not that her husband works out of town, or that she is too tired to take care of the children, but that during the week when her husband is working outside, he never sends a message or makes a phone call, as if she and the children have nothing to do with him.
In the end, the wife could no longer bear this "widowed marriage" and chose to divorce. Is this husband so busy at work that he doesn’t even have time to send messages or make phone calls? Obviously not. As for the reason, it’s hard to tell!
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Lack of Tolerance
At a small scale, marriage is a matter between two people; at a larger scale, marriage is a matter between two families. Regardless of whether they are big or small, both parties in a marriage should have a tolerant heart, be tolerant of each other and their families, and be considerate of others, which will help resolve conflicts and problems and promote family harmony.
Nothing in married life is perfect. Conflicts and quarrels are normal phenomena. It mainly depends on how both parties deal with the problem after the conflicts and quarrels break out. People who lack tolerance will cling to small things, eventually turning small things into big things and big things into bad things, which are ultimately irreversible.
Couples who are tolerant will use their tolerance to influence each other and turn big things into trivial matters. In fact, tolerance does not mean blind indulgence, but principled and measured forgiveness.
Confucius once said: "If the water is clear, there will be no fish, and if the people are clear, there will be no disciples." If a husband and wife have to distinguish right from wrong in everything and calculate carefully, then the marriage may not last long.
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