Psychologist Susan Forward pointed out: "In an intimate relationship, the behavior of one party constantly exerting pressure and forcing the other party to give in is a kind of control in the name of love."
For example, some women believe that since men love them, they will It's time to spend money for them and meet all their needs, whether reasonable or not. If a man can't do it and refuses to spend money, he is stingy and doesn't love them.
Some men believe that since a woman loves him, she should think about herself. In order for him to work hard in his career without any worries, the woman should consciously take care of everything at home in order, including doing housework and taking care of the children. She even performed her filial piety for him. If a woman refuses and asks a man to share family responsibilities, she is selfish, does not consider her husband, and does not love her husband.
What marriage requires is to work together and gain together, and it requires a balance between supply and demand. If one party keeps asking for it, one party's interests will continue to be eroded, and the relationship between supply and demand will be out of balance. Those who take advantage will not be satisfied, and those whose interests are harmed will feel dissatisfied. Inconsistency and resentment will naturally arise.
Just as psychologist Wu Zhihong wrote in "Chinese Style Love and Love": All the unloveliness in marriage is because the original intention is not from "I love you", but from "you give me" - not marriage. I am wrong, but I want too much from marriage.
Whether you are a man or a woman, when you make a request to your partner, first ask yourself, what have you paid for your marriage, what does your partner need, and are you satisfied?
Thinking about him or her, considering the other person's feelings and respecting the other person's opinions are the basic requirements of marriage. If you can't do this, you will not be happy.
"Don't threaten me with breaking up, who is afraid of whom? I am such an excellent person, why should I worry about not finding a partner? Anyway, I still say that, if you are unwilling to be a good wife and honor my mother, you are not worthy. Enter my door. "
"Okay, if you don't deserve it, you don't deserve it. I don't care about entering your door! I finally understand why you are 29 years old and haven't gotten married yet, so you are not suitable for marriage." Ye Xu was very angry at the message from his girlfriend. He was about to retaliate and teach his blind girlfriend a lesson, but found that he had been blocked by her, and then he couldn't get through the phone.
01. The reason why my mother’s health is so bad is because she is exhausted from being both a father and a mother;
The more Ye Xu thinks about it, the more angry he becomes. In his opinion, it is obviously his girlfriend who is ignorant and wants to If you marry him and still refuse to honor his mother, how can you be a wife for someone else?
"My mother has worked hard for me for most of her life. In my heart, my mother always comes first. My future daughter-in-law must respect my mother like me and be very good to her. Otherwise, don't blame me for following her." She turned against her. "
Indeed, Ye Xu's mother had a hard life. She was both a father and a mother, and she gave her all for her son.
Although Ye Xu's father is still alive and well, since he got married, he has not shouldered the responsibilities that a man should bear. He can't even support his family, let alone doting on his wife.
He does not cultivate the land well and is unwilling to endure hardships. Others wish they could eat and live in the fields. He wants to sleep until he wakes up naturally. When the weather is hot or cold, he refuses to work. Ye Xu's grandparents finally entrusted relatives to find him a job in the factory, which provided him with a stable income. He worked for less than three months, and said that his boss was so angry that he ran back to his hometown again. The grandparents went to the uncle's house and no longer cared about Ye Xu's family.
Ye Xu's mother has a mild temper and a stupid mouth. She can't quarrel with her husband at all, and she has never planned to leave. In desperation, she had to be both a father and a mother. She had to find ways to make money for her son to study and train him, and she had to take care of her son and her lazy husband.
In the end, Ye Xu was admitted to a key university through his own efforts, joined a good company, received a good salary, and became what people call a Phoenix man. However, Ye Xu's mother's health also completely collapsed. As long as the temperature changes, she may get sick or even develop old diseases that require hospitalization.
02. My annual salary is nearly 400,000, which is enough to support my family. I want to find a traditional woman as my wife;
My mother's illness has become Ye Xu's biggest worry.
"I worked hard to save money and took my mother to a tertiary hospital for a comprehensive physical examination to see if it could be completely cured. If so, I would try to raise as much money as possible. However, the doctor told me, My mother's illness cannot be cured, and she can only be nursed back to health. She will no longer be so tired. When I grow up and am capable, I will honor my mother well. "
In order to take care of my mother, Ye Xu rented a two-bedroom apartment in a big city and brought his parents to live with him. However, Ye Xu knew very well that his father was not the type to take care of people. He originally wanted to hire a nanny. However, the consumption level in big cities was high and the cost of nannies was also high. Although Ye Xu could afford it, his parents were reluctant.
"What kind of nanny should I hire? Just do some work, and it costs so much money. It's not cost-effective. Why don't you just find a wife? You can have children, do housework, and take care of me and my wife." Your mother, it doesn’t cost money, it’s a great deal.”
This was my father’s suggestion. Ye Xu also thought it was okay. Isn’t that how his mother came here? Moreover, my mother still has to bear the financial pressure, and he does not need his wife to make money.
"My annual salary is 400,000, and it will definitely increase in the future, which is enough to support my family. I want to find a traditional woman and marry a good wife and mother. She will be responsible for giving birth to my children, taking care of my parents, and doing housework." That’s it, I can work with peace of mind.”
03. You can’t even honor your mother-in-law, so you’re worthy of entering my house? Divide as you like, I won't tolerate you;
In other words, not going out to work after marriage, taking care of the family, and serving the parents-in-law are Ye Xu's basic criteria for choosing a spouse. He also doesn't hide it. When falling in love and going on a blind date, This point was made clearly.
So, he scared away his first love and was rejected by more than a dozen blind dates. Until he was 29 years old, he was still single.
Ye Xu couldn't understand this: "Isn't filial piety the basic requirement of life? Since she married me, she is half my parents' daughter. Isn't it right to be filial to my parents? Besides, she If I don't honor my parents, how can I work with peace of mind and make money to support her? "
At the beginning of this year, Ye Xu's aunt introduced a girl to Ye Xu, the girlfriend who had a falling out with Ye Xu as mentioned above? Like Xu, she is a Phoenix girl.
Originally, the two were about to get married and were discussing the wedding date. However, recently, Ye Xu's mother fell ill again and was admitted to the hospital.
So, Ye Xu ordered his girlfriend without hesitation: "My mother is in the hospital. Go and take care of her. Remember to behave well and take good care of her, just like your mother. This is your final test. As long as My mother was discharged from the hospital successfully. If she is satisfied with you, we can get married."
After hearing Ye Xu's request, his girlfriend thought Ye Xu was joking at first. After confirming Ye Xu's attitude, she became furious and scolded Ye Xu. Dun, accusing him of being selfish.
The two of them quarreled fiercely and refused to give in. In the end, his girlfriend blocked Ye Xu. Ye Xu refused to give up and came to the door. His girlfriend's parents beat him out with a broom, so he had to give up and go to his mother first. Hire a caregiver, and then continue to ask people around you to introduce him to partners.
“I don’t believe that I can’t marry a filial woman.”
04. It’s not easy for your mother. That was caused by her and your father. What does it have to do with your other half?
As Tu Lei said: Don’t always try to tell your wife how difficult it is for your mother. If your mother doesn’t It's easy. It's your father's fault. But what about your wife? Your wife's difficulties are caused by you. Apart from you, she is alone.
The reason why it is not easy for a woman to live her life after marriage. It's very painful because of two things. One is that I married an irresponsible, selfish man who doesn't know how to care for his wife. The other is that I am too cowardly and not ambitious enough to try my best to change the status quo. .
Many men always say "it's not easy for my mother" when they are in conflict with their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. But, it's not easy for your mother. What does it have to do with your wife? Is it easy for your wife's parents? It's not easy for them either, so will you honor them like a son? To put it bluntly, such men are egoists. They cannot honor their parents themselves, so they choose to sacrifice the interests of their other half. People like this are only suitable for singles.
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Today’s topic: What do you think of Ye Xu’s views on mate selection? Please share your views in the comment area
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