Can't be alone with myself
When I was young, I was always afraid of "not fitting in with the crowd", thinking that "having more friends would make life easier", so I joined the crowd just for the sake of fitting in with the crowd, and rushed non-stop to lively and prosperous events one after another.
As I get older, I realize that:
The world is my own and has nothing to do with others.
Instead of spending time and energy drinking and drinking at the wine table to make some insignificant "friends", it is better to learn to get along well with yourself.
Being alone is a kind of accumulation of wisdom.
Many people equate being alone with loneliness. In fact, these are different states.
Some people say that the farthest distance in the world is not the distance of time or geography, but the distance and barrier between hearts.
I think many people also feel this way in love or relationships, that is, it feels like the two parties are in their own worlds, and their hearts are so far apart.
It's like even if your other half is by your side, you still feel lonely and alone.
Why do you feel so lonely?
That’s because although he is by your side, he does not focus his attention on you.
I haven’t really seen you, I haven’t really felt you, I haven’t really listened to you. This feeling of not being understood makes us feel alone and lonely.
Just like you will find that everyone often plays with their mobile phones when they meet each other. Sometimes they are actually trying to hide the feeling of being at a loss.
For a person who does not even have the ability to be alone, "extroversion" is just a weak shield.
People often regard communication as an ability, but ignore that being alone is also an ability, and in a certain sense, it is more important than communication. an ability.
On the other hand, being unsociable is certainly a pity, but being intolerant of loneliness is also a very serious flaw.
Being alone is also a kind of ability, and not everyone can have it at any time. Having this ability does not mean no longer feeling lonely, but it means being comfortable with loneliness and making it productive.
There are three states of loneliness.
First, he is anxious, confused, careless, and focused on escaping loneliness.
The second is to gradually get used to loneliness, settle down, establish a order of life, and use reading, writing or other things to drive away loneliness.
The third is to make loneliness itself become a poetic soil, an opportunity for creation, inducing profound thinking and experience about existence, life and self.
People can't be alone because they can't stand themselves.
He was dissatisfied with himself and always wanted to become better, so he went to the crowd to study and inquire. Little did he know that the best way to learn is to face oneself alone until he can accept and admit himself.
If you can't get used to boredom, pain will follow.
Being alone is enjoyable for those who have been trained, but it will be uncomfortable for those who have not been trained.
Pain follows emptiness, anxiety, restlessness, and the need to break through an iron house and an old world.
But the iron house and the old world are just concepts. If you break down an iron house, there will be a new iron house; when the new world comes, it will still become the same.
Chinese Taoism emphasizes "Don't forget, don't help", Nietzsche expresses it as "You can neither realize the desires in your heart, nor lose the desires in your heart."
Philosophers have the same idea, help when you achieve it, and forget when you lose it.
Don’t forget but don’t help, which coincides with the Confucian golden mean. There are many reasons why
cannot get along with myself independently, but essentially they all revolve around the fact that I don’t want to be an independent person yet.
This also means that in our hearts, we still have expectations and desires to integrate with others.
Therefore, once you are passively separated, you may face uncontrollable emotional experiences.
Such as anxiety, panic, restlessness, etc.
This phenomenon is especially obvious in the case of love.
Many people like to say "introversion is bad", and there is even a subtext of "introversion is a disease".
This kind of widespread ignorance can only show the extent of the lack of common sense.
Introversion and extroversion are just two relative characteristics of personality.
Introversion does not mean autism . What many Chinese people fear is actually "autism", but because of lack of common sense, they demonize "introversion".
introversion and extroversion are just ways to solve the problem.
Introverts tend to solve inner problems through self-thinking and solitude, while extroverts tend to heal themselves by talking or venting to the outside world.
As the psychologist Jung said:
"Introverts can gain energy alone in the least stimulating environment, while extroverts, on the contrary, want to gain strength in a team." According to this logic, you say Who is stronger?
I think people with independent abilities are stronger.
As for some people equating introversion with social impairment, it is even more nonsense.
Social disorder means that a person is nervous and anxious in social situations, which affects his life. However, introverts are not afraid of social interaction, they just simply don’t like it.
To be precise, introverts do not need to constantly talk to others to gain a sense of identity.
Psychology describes the typical introverted personality with the following words:
Rational, quiet, focused, introspective, likes to be alone, has plans, is not impulsive, has regular daily life, follows ethical concepts, is reliable, good at listening, and insightful Strength and creativity...
Is this a sign of "promising"?
Stock God Buffett is a typical introvert, who uses his keen insight to the extreme.
Singer Jay Chou is also an introvert and uses his creativity to the fullest.
A gentleman's caution in independence begins with being alone
Throughout the ages, caution in independence has not only been the goal pursued by sages, but also an ideological realm respected by literati.
In today's noisy, complex and materialistic society, if we want to improve our own cultivation, we need to start with "being careful about independence".
"Be cautious in being alone", as the name suggests, be cautious in being alone. "Shen" means cautious; "solitude" has two meanings. One is "to be alone". No one is watching you, so be careful about your behavior.
The second is "knowing alone". Your thoughts and heart are not known to others in the public, only you know them. This requires more caution.
"Be cautious in independence" embodies a moral state of "seeking others in return" and a state of self-cultivation of self-supervision and caution.
Andy Rooney once said: "If you laugh when you are alone, it is a sincere smile." Being alone makes people more delicate and more peaceful.
My mind changes and jumps with everything I see. I can think while in a daze. I see the graffiti on the stones on the roadside, hear the chirping of birds with different emotions, and think of some ordinary little things that are sealed in my heart. You will feel enlightened, moved and happy.
People who can get along well with themselves are people with strong and rich hearts. We are no strangers to
social networking.
From the moment I open my eyes in the morning, I pick up my mobile phone to browse information, greet people when I go out, eat and chat together... these are all ordinary social interactions.
"Rely on friends when you go out", "It's easier to travel when you have more friends". Many people make friends because of these words and socialize for the sake of socializing.Being alone can help us keep our hearts, let us feel the true meaning of life with our hearts, and sum up the enlightenment brought to us by the crazy and noisy life. This is a sign of a person's maturity, and it is also a sign of a person becoming strong and independent.
Lin Huiyin once said that true calmness is not to avoid the hustle and bustle of cars and horses, but to build a fence and plant chrysanthemums in your heart. If you want to measure how strong a person's heart is, look at whether he can be alone.
Socializing between people is, in the final analysis, an exchange of equal value. Others are unwilling to help you because they know that socializing with you is not of such high value.
Instead of wasting time and energy making so many irrelevant "friends", it is better to spend more time learning how to be alone better and enrich your life.
How should we balance solitude and social interaction?
What you need to understand is:
Being alone does not mean self-isolation. On the contrary, those who enjoy being alone can often balance the relationship between social interaction and solitude well.
will not resist socializing when they need to socialize; but they will set aside a fixed time to get along with themselves and please themselves.
Do not resist socializing, but find the right time to be alone.
For example:
During the workday, you keep in touch and interact with colleagues and friends.
Go out for a meal after get off work, stroll around, chat with friends, etc.
These are your way to relieve stress after a tiring day.
When it comes to the weekend break, you can stay at home, reflect on the achievements and gains at this stage, and enjoy this moment of peace.
Read books, write, drink tea, and spend time with your family; reduce the time you spend online and play with your mobile phone.
This method can decompress and also allow you to adapt to the rhythm of being alone.
Being alone is not loneliness, it is a choice.
If loneliness means loneliness, then being alone is a person's happiness.
is not lively, but full of wisdom.
is just like the little girl described by Da Bing in "Touching the Head":
"Doudou had one meter long hair at that time, and her back was like a cloud. She wrote poetry, painted, loved traveling, and published her own novel. Standing out from the crowd in the worldly life.”
A person’s journey may seem lonely, but those who are in it are never tired of it.
does not cater to the standards of the outside world, but only sets out for the goals in its heart. Only you know how happy it is.
Only when we are alone can we fully please ourselves and find the meaning of our lives.
About the author: Teacher Xianhong
psychological counselor, tarot card diviner , planetary energy singing bowl healer, freelance coder, and trainer.
Listening to people's warmth and warmth in a humble room, and being affectionate and comfortable are all fate.
The world of mortals comes and goes without a trace, cooking words heals people's hearts.
I met you, and then I met myself. Destiny is like a knife. Let me and you learn together. ——Practical Psychology
