As the saying goes, a kind word will warm you in three winters, but a bad word will hurt you in six months.
Language is one of the main differences between humans and animals. In the previous articles, we have been saying that no matter what type of marriage, we must pay attention to communication between husband and wife.
But, communication, how to communicate?
For ordinary people, language is just a communication tool to connect with others, but for couples, it is also a medium for transmitting signals of love.
Some couples originally wanted to sit down and communicate in order to avoid misunderstandings and resolve conflicts. As a result, the communication did not go smoothly, which worsened the relationship between husband and wife. In this regard, women usually have more factors because of the physiological differences between men and women. And psychological differences, women prefer to talk more, while men choose silence or action more.
Some women have a strong personality in life. Although they cannot do cruel things, they like to say cruel words, which is what we often call "a sharp mouth but a tofu heart." He obviously didn't mean it, but he always spoke unforgivingly.
Today we are going to talk about what kind of crises women who are "severe" will encounter in marriage and family, and how to resolve them.
The psychological reasons behind "knife mouth".
We all know that husband and wife are supposed to love each other, and wives who like to be "sharp" certainly know this too, and they often love their husbands more than their husbands love themselves. This makes people feel very strange why they are so aggressive when they clearly love the other person more deeply than they do.
A few days ago, I saw a netizen asking for help on the Internet. His wife obviously cares about him and takes good care of the family in every aspect. However, sometimes the things she says to herself make me feel unable to accept it. This netizen also cited several examples. After reading the chat records and daily conversations between him and his wife, we can know that when such a "cut-mouthed" wife makes her husband feel pain, she actually does not Getting the results they wanted caused irreparable damage to both spouses.
For example, when his wife complained to him that the family was in a tight situation this month because of the child’s medical expenses and needed to seek help from the elderly, his wife said this:
In two days, the child’s training class will have to pay again. Yes, remember to have the money ready. Oops, I forgot. The little money you have left is not enough for you to buy cigarettes. You still have to pay for tuition. I'd better order some from my dad. I am quite an old man, but I still have to ask my parents for money. Following you really makes me more and more humble in front of my parents.
Because a relative suddenly came to the house and saw that the child's clothes were dirty, the wife said to him:
Just say that I scold you. If you hadn't watched a bad football game, you would have let others see that the child's clothes have not been washed yet. joke? It's quite a big man. Apart from watching a broken ball every day, I don't know what else is in his heart. Being with you, I am really unlucky for eight lifetimes.
faced his wife while cleaning up and talking about himself. Netizens felt that they had indeed done something wrong, but they were scolded by their wives every time, and they felt that men had no face at all, so they disliked going home less and less, and even did not dare to go home. , and I don’t know how to express my dissatisfaction to my wife. The more he dared not face his wife, the more he scolded and criticized her. The accusations that never contained curse words have developed into humiliation with curse words.
In fact, the situation of this netizen is pretty good. After reading my first two articles, some netizens asked me some questions about how husband and wife get along in the background. One of them mentioned that his wife threatens him at every turn, as long as he If he does not meet his wife's requirements, she will threaten her with divorce. As long as there is a slight conflict between the two of them, his wife will say that she wants a divorce. This makes me tremble every day and dare not talk to her at all. I am afraid that one day her wife will really want a divorce. And I feel that I can't live without my wife.
As time goes by, big problems will inevitably arise in a marriage like this. All big problems are caused by the accumulation of small problems and contradictions that have not been reasonably resolved. That's why there is a saying: "Don't do good deeds because they are small, and don't do evil deeds because they are small."
No one likes to live in fear, and no one likes to be threatened by others every day. Once the other party threatens their weight and becomes a waste that they no longer care about, both parties will no longer be able to live together.
In psychology, "cutting off" is a typical way of attacking others.
Attack others to protect yourself.
People with sharp mouths originally want to get love by attacking each other, but the more they attack, the less they get the love they want.
Between husband and wife, "equality" is the first premise. Mutual recognition of each other's identity.
If you attack the other party, you will become a criminal and the other party will become a victim. If you cannot get a marriage with an equal relationship, how can you Can it be maintained? "Knife mouth" does not cause any harm to other people, and the people who are most seriously injured are actually the people closest to you.
The source of this kind of aggressive behavior is actually caused by the family of origin, so if you are a "cut-mouthed, tofu-hearted" person, don't be too harsh on yourself. This is caused by your growing environment. Don't be too harsh on yourself. Since stress is acquired, we can also change ourselves from it.
Generally speaking, if a person does not get enough love from his original family, he will ask for the love that his original family did not give him when he grows up to make up for his heart.
Why do native families lack love for women? Take a look at the phenomenon of "preferring sons over daughters" that is common in society, or the couple are busy migrant workers who cannot give their children enough love, or other reasons. The emotional lack of parents is the cause of the problem.
So where to get the love that is missing in childhood? It is from your significant other, and a woman must ask for it from her husband. It sounds very unreasonable and unfair to the husband. Because this is obviously because parents did not give their children enough security and love when raising their children, and they should ask for it from their parents. But now the target of the request has become the husband.
It's like Zhang San owes you money. If you don't come back, you will ask Li Si for it. This is indeed unreasonable, but many times, the person involved does not know that he is doing such a thing.
's aggressiveness and harsh words towards her husband are just to fill up her inner dissatisfaction.
Women take advantage of their ability to express themselves and often take the initiative in the communication between husband and wife. Once they are "talkative", they are prone to pressuring their husbands step by step, which leads to disharmony in the marriage relationship. Some husbands will be cold and violent, some will even punch and kick their wives, and some husbands will be at a loss like the netizen who asked the question, trying to save the marriage but unable to do anything.
Even if you are a sharp-tongued person, you still have to be measured.
No one really wants a hard-won marriage to break up easily. Just like every "cut-mouthed" man and woman, their heart is actually expecting the love of the other party, rather than really wanting to attack the other party.
Venus is a well-known "sharp mouth" in the entertainment industry, not only with outsiders, but also with her own husband. However, the "sharp mouth" Venus has a very harmonious marriage. Let's take a look at how Venus makes her marriage happy.
During the recording of a variety show, Jin Xing was cooking, but her husband Hans did not help much. He tossed various ingredients in the pot and made a mess. This made Jin Xing very angry. If it were the wife mentioned earlier, she would probably scold her husband bloody. Jin Xing would directly complain that her husband's behavior is " Northeast stewed ".
When two people were about to "break out into war", Venus actually dodged first.
Someone later asked Jin Xing why this was happening, and Jin Xing’s explanation was, “The two of them are about to explode, and one of them needs to get out of the way.” Whenever faced with Jin Xing’s “knife-mouthed behavior,” her husband Hans would basically condone Venus’ “knife-tongued behavior.” ", neither cold violence nor violence.He can be called a "model husband". Looking back at Venus, he also understands that Hans's indulgence towards him is his love for him. Although he is unforgiving, he has always been by his side. At critical moments, he is always able to control the situation. Take back your edge in time and take the initiative to seek peace.
The way of husband and wife is for two people to care for and love each other with equal status. The wife can ask for the love she lacks in her original family, but only by knowing the right amount can she truly get the love she wants.
After Jin Xing got angry at her husband Hans on the show, she also knew that she did not really want to accuse her husband and embarrass him in public. Husband and wife are birds of the same forest. There will be no light on my face. Continuing to criticize and complain about Hans will only bring public embarrassment to both husband and wife.
And by properly resolving the anger towards her husband at that time, Hans would understand that Hans had delayed her cooking, but she had forgiven him with her love for her husband. Sure enough, Hans also changed his attitude towards Venus afterwards, and there was no conflict.
As for the other wife mentioned earlier who always threatens her husband with "divorce", does she really want a divorce?
's answer is obviously no, otherwise he would have taken action long ago and wouldn't have shouted it out every time. The louder you shout, the more you don’t want to leave.
In this case, why are you clamoring for divorce?
Just say whatever you are afraid of. Just like some people, the more they lack something, the more they focus on something and show off something.
Every time a wife quarrels, she shouts "divorce". In fact, it is because she is uneasy about the marital life. That kind of insecurity makes the wife complain all the time. She shouts "divorce" to justify her inner fear of the breakup of the marriage relationship. support. The wife is afraid that her husband will leave her, thinking that she will not be afraid if she calls out. In fact, it will only make the marriage relationship worse and worse, which is contrary to her original intention of expecting her husband's love in exchange for a sense of security.
To change the "knife mouth", we must start from the heart.
First of all, it is yourself who can change yourself.
We know that to do anything, we must first find the problem before we can solve it. If you don’t recognize your own problems, you will never find a solution to them.
always says bad things when he speaks, sometimes without even realizing it. The same goes for the so-called "habit becomes natural".
When you can't find your own problems, you can patiently communicate with your lover and listen to your lover's opinions, you can listen to the concerns of your friends, and you can even find a professional psychologist to help you diagnose.
Secondly, learn to control your temper that may explode at any time.
The lethality of language is sometimes more powerful than real swords and guns. The reason why "Daozizui" is called "knife" is that sometimes it may be a small knife that does negligible damage, and sometimes it may be a large knife that kills people invisible.
Learn to control your temperament and temper, that is, control the sharp edge of the "knife" when you speak, whether it will hurt people deeply or ignore it.
The same expression can obviously make people feel warm, but it is used in another way to make people feel cold. This is not worthy and should not be done.
is like the wife of the netizen mentioned earlier, who complained that marrying her husband was "bad luck for eight lifetimes". In fact, she just wanted to express the hope that the family's economic conditions would improve, and that the two of them could work harder to improve their family conditions.
If it wasn't such a bad word, you could have said this:
Husband, you see, although we are doing well at work now, it is still not enough at critical times. Otherwise, we can recharge our batteries and work hard to do more for our son. Save some money and he won't be as tired as the two of us when he grows up.
The same thing, different words, can express different emotions. Don't let the love in your heart be delayed by wrong words.
Finally, believe in your lover and appreciate your lover.
The other half you choose must be the person you think is most suitable to be combined with you in life. Marriage is your choice. If the other party is all wrong, it will only prove that you are the source of the mistake. Obviously, our vision is not that bad.
When we point out the other half's shortcomings, we can be tactful and there is no need to be aggressive. Let the other person feel that you are helping the other person grow, rather than accusing and hurting the other person.
We must learn to appreciate the advantages of the other half and believe that our lover will go with us into a more distant future. Only with love and trust can we truly make a marriage long-lasting.
When a man and woman with a sharp mouth learn the above three points, their marriage will no longer be as precarious as before, but will glow with its original splendor.
