Title: My eldest brother was born in 1959 and today is his 63rd birthday. Of the five brothers and sisters, my eldest brother and I look the most alike, but the fourteen-year age gap has made me always a little afraid of him, who is quite serious.

inscription: My eldest brother was born in 1959 and today is his 63rd birthday. I dug out this article I left a few years ago.

There are five brothers and sisters. My eldest brother and I look the most alike, but the fourteen-year age gap has made me a little afraid of him, who is quite serious.

When I was very young, my eldest brother had already left home to study and work, so I didn’t spend much time in close contact with him. When I was in elementary school, the principal and Chinese teacher were both my eldest brother’s former classmates. Because of this relationship, I received a lot of care and attention from them throughout elementary school, which invisibly pushed me to work harder than others.

When I was in the third grade of junior high school, my eldest brother transferred me from a town middle school eight miles away from home to the county middle school where he taught more than sixty miles away. At that time, he was my physics teacher. I remember that the main content of physics at that time was electricity. Whenever I asked him a question, he would always say to me extremely seriously: "Why can't you figure this out?!" I was scared to begin with. , and became even more afraid after being trained once. Fortunately, there is a spirit of "hard work" in my blood. In order not to be criticized by him, electricity has become the most solid part of physics for me, although today many years later, I seem to remember nothing. When I graduated from junior high school, in order to reduce the financial burden on my family, I enrolled in a normal college. Unexpectedly, his high school entrance examination scores were too high, and he was "forcibly" admitted to the best high school in the county by a distant relative who worked in the Education Bureau. (For this reason, I secretly cried at home for several days. To this day, I still don’t know the name of that relative. However, I have to thank him from the bottom of my heart for choosing a different path for me!)

lived on campus in high school. It’s more than ten minutes’ walk from my elder brother’s house. I remember going there for dinner once a week. Both my eldest brother and I are not good at talking, and because we are afraid of him, we don't have much communication between us. In my memory, he wrote me a long letter. Unfortunately, this letter has been lost today.

Three years of hard high school life passed by in a hurry, and I had to go to the provincial capital Wuhan to go to university. Having never traveled far, I arrived in the metropolis Wuhan with my big and small luggage under the escort of my elder brother. In my memory, my eldest brother stayed in Han for one night. The next day, after my eldest brother left, I cried secretly. During the four years of college, I had to go home every winter and summer vacation. Before returning to school, I would always go to my eldest brother's house from a small village sixty miles away. After dinner, he would ride his motorcycle to the train station a few miles away. Four years, rain or shine.

After graduating from college, I chose to return to a city a hundred miles away from the county seat to start a new life of my own. It was also at that time that the eldest brother took his elderly parents from his hometown to the school where he taught. From then on, every time I went back to visit my parents, I no longer had to jolt back to my hometown in the countryside. At noon on working days, the eldest brother can also take a nap there peacefully after eating lunch made by his mother.

The days slipped away quietly like this, and six years passed in a flash. I traveled thousands of miles south to Guangzhou and started another period of my study career. In May of the second year in Guangzhou, my father was seriously ill and was hospitalized. Before leaving, he kept mumbling, "Why hasn't the youngest arrived yet?" At that time, I was on the train heading back. Among the five children, I was the only one who never saw my father for the last time.

After studying in Guangzhou, I went to Hong Kong to continue my studies. In the summer of 2006, after graduation, I finally settled down in the small town of Zhuhai. But in September, I learned that my mother was admitted to the hospital and hurried back. When I sat beside the hospital bed, she could no longer open her eyes or speak. She was only supported by a ventilator, and the bedside monitor was still flashing. "My youngest, the doctor has said that there is no hope. Once the ventilator is removed, it will no longer work. But we have not removed it, and we want to wait for you to come back!" The eldest brother sat next to me, with red and swollen eyes, and said softly to me. My eldest brother must be very aware of my regret and self-blame for not being able to see my father for the last time four years ago. I leaned down, put my face against my mother's face, and said goodbye to her silently in my heart. Although she could no longer open her eyes or speak at this time, I believed in the telepathy between mother and daughter, and in her care and calling for me at the last moment of her life. After saying goodbye to my mother quietly, I turned around and nodded to my eldest brother. He went out and called the doctor.In an instant, my mother and we were separated from each other.

At the end of 2006, after struggling for many years in the siege, I finally decided to walk out of this long-standing marriage. After finishing the formalities quietly, I returned to the house where I originally lived, took two snakeskin bags, picked up some books and left. The elder brother beside me silently helped me carry the bag all the way.

When my mother was still alive, every year before the Spring Festival, she would buy some live small crucian carp for me, cut them open, wash them and dry them in the sun. As time goes by and I have tasted countless delicacies from the mountains and seas, the small dried fish is still an irreplaceable delicacy. After my mother passed away, every time before leaving during the Spring Festival, my eldest brother would pack the dried fish he had made by himself, chop the pig's trotters into small pieces, and let me take them back to my home thousands of miles away.

After his parents passed away, they were laid to rest on the hillside of their hometown in the countryside. It was a place where I often herded cattle and fished in my childhood. The beautiful memories of the past are now lingering concerns. Every time I go back, my eldest brother and I will go to my parents’ graves and burn a few pieces of paper. Every time I kowtow, I have to hold back my tears. Once, when I turned around, I found that my eldest brother had taken off his glasses and silently wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes.

"Sometimes, when I miss them, I will come here to sit alone." On the way back, my eldest brother said to me. During this year's Qingming Festival, I was thousands of miles away in a foreign country and saw a WeChat message sent by my elder brother: "No matter how advanced the communications are, there is no phone call to heaven!"

"In the past, when my legs hurt, before taking a nap at noon every day, It was my mother who helped me pull down my pants.” I can’t remember exactly when my eldest brother told me this detail. In fact, when I went back to visit my mother many years ago, she told me that my eldest brother used to ride a motorcycle to and from work and his legs were frozen. Later, when I was studying in Hong Kong, I heard that Zhui Feng Oil produced abroad could cure leg pain, so I bought many bottles for my elder brother. So, how could I not know this detail? But when I heard my elder brother talking about this, I didn't interrupt him. When my parents were in their later years, they spent the most time with their eldest brother, and they may have countless memories. But I guess that in his heart, he must have a lot of nostalgia, regret, and even regret for his parents just like me. I often think, if only I could take them on a plane, if I could take them to see Hong Kong, if I could spend more time with them, if I could be more patient with them!

When I wrote this article, my eldest brother and I were thousands of miles apart. I never thought about it carefully before, every step of the way, in every different stage of life, my big brother has always been there. There were no earth-shattering words or even many in-depth exchanges between my eldest brother and me. But the patience soaked in each dried fish, the carefully prepared meals every time I go back, and the silent companionship time and time again, every little thing, are worth thousands of words. As he once said after drinking: "When I get old, I can live with the youngest!" And every time I see him, I want to buy him some clothes or a pair of shoes. Since I like bright colors, the things I buy tend to look younger. And he puts it on happily every time. Presumably, no matter whether it is a good fit or not, I feel very happy!

I was writing and writing, and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face. Time is so cruel and merciless. It seems that in the blink of an eye, my eldest brother has entered his sixties. His once thick black hair is now sparse and gray. And I, the "youngest child" in the family, has also passed away. The age of no doubt.

Even though we are separated by time and space, we cannot stop missing and caring. As we get older, may health and peace be with us forever!

20170618