Women who have unfortunately failed in their families and careers have mostly made such a mistake in order

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(1) The confused woman puts the child (family) in second place

graduated from a super excellent live learning junior high school Mom, because of her amazing results in a short time, she was invited by the teacher to share with everyone. This is an opportunity for growth and display that no one would even dare to think about.

The first part of her personal experience, her hard work, humility, and the greatness of being a mother made everyone touched and admired to the utmost. Everyone is excited to listen to the second part: How does she do others in a short time Achievements that cannot be achieved in one year.

When I was about to start speaking, I heard the sound of two children coming back from the outside. What she said was: "Teacher is really embarrassed. I have to accompany them to sleep when the children are back. I'm really sorry, I will share the summary manuscript with you for the rest of the time..."

Like everyone, I am also inspired and inspired by all her tenacity and excellence.But it was this last sentence that moved me the most.

I seem to have found it all at once. As a mother, she can pull her child back from the cliff of autism and rank first in the whole year. As a wife, she can manage the family so that her husband has no worries; For herself, although she graduated from junior high school, she said the real reason why she became a chapter of Zhuji.

The order of her treatment of life is: first family and then work.

Even though everyone was itching to wait all night, she still accompanies the child first because the child is on vacation, and work is left behind. She knows how to choose. The child will always be the first one in her, not the child slave that others think, she has extraordinary wisdom in managing herself.

For most people, the benefits of work coming to the door will surely follow soon, after all, how can you just drop the chain with so much hard work every day, but she won't. My home and I are my battlefield. This is the principle that the battlefield must be held.

In the TV series "I Really Love You", Chen Jiaorui regards work as life, almost reaching a state of distorted personality. After knowing that she was pregnant, there was no trace of joy, but she was always worried that she would lose her chance of promotion because of the arrival of the child.

She was depressed during pregnancy,Less than two months after childbirth, she returned to the workplace. She set up a low salary for a disadvantaged group, buried her hatred of competitors in her heart, and got into the relationship with the leader's wife in order to get a promotion. After she got her wish and became the vice president, she immediately changed her face, making things difficult for and suppressing competitors who really helped her through the most difficult moments.

In order to divorce, she used her husband to fabricate fake certificates of her love to seize the custody of the child, and she seized the custody of the child only for the purpose of the mother's person for her job.

She complained that her child made her lose her chance of promotion, complained that her husband never considered her, complained that everyone shouldn’t have what she doesn’t have... Her own biggest problem is that she reverses her family and work. The primary and secondary status is too strong to always want to conquer the world.

Some mermaid and bear's paw want to have both, she is for the purpose of fishing the bear's paw. And what supports a person to go further must be the love from his family.

When my son was over 1 year old, I took care of him by myself while starting a business. Before that, I was the only one in my life. I read picture books with him every day, played with him, and made him a variety of food supplements. He has a very gentle personality, and his behavior habits are much better than those of his peers.

After that, of course, I can imagine that I was so busy every day, many times my son cried and rolled on the ground, I didn’t have time to take a look, and I had to take him to deliver goods everywhere, sometimes at 9 o’clock in the evening. He was already crying and fell asleep in the stroller.

As a mother, my heart hurts more than anyone else, but at that time half of the reasons were forced by life.I must have an income to survive. The other half of the reason is that I am too responsible to my customers, thinking that others trust me, then I will never fail, so I naturally put my son's emotions aside, thinking that I will get better over time.

Later, from setting up a stall to owning my own shop, he was even busier. The children couldn't take care of their meals, and they often worked for days and nights. My husband not only didn't help me but also complained. I was caught in the reproach to him and the deep guilt for the child. Home to us has been slowly cold, there is no laughter, no words.

Later, I used my health to pay a heavy price for my hard work, and I was unable to give my children a healthy and harmonious home. I was always striving for a balance between my career and my children. I suffered internal injuries, the store business continued to decline, and children appeared in various ways. Anxiety and procrastination issues.

I, the workaholic strong woman in everyone’s eyes, ended up in debt for 6 years in which I was wrong! Everything that is messy seems to me to find no way out.

(2) How are workaholics "crazy"

When you can’t find it at home, you will look for it elsewhere; when you can’t feel your own existence at home, then Will move to other places to brush up on the sense of existence. This is called "forced connection" in psychology.

From the moment we are separated from the mother’s body, each of us will be independent while eager to return to that warm and loving place again. If parents continue to give respect, affirmation, encouragement and encouragement as their children grow up Unconditional love, then he can truly feel his own existence.

On the contrary, this kind of insecurity and the desire to seek safety will always be with him, he will first go to his spouse to find a connection,Seeing the other half as his parents invisibly, eager for him to make up for the love he lacked in childhood, to verify that his parents love him and care about him.

However, there is too much uncertainty in the behavior of seeking connections in a spouse. First of all, his search process is the process of reshaping his spouse. I hope he can meet all the standards in his imagination. And implement it in time. In case it is not possible, the conflict between husband and wife will erupt. At the same time, the childhood fear in my heart returns again and becomes stronger.

For example, Chen Jiaorui went home to raise her fetus under the “forced” of her husband, because her husband promised to let her go to work if she recovered well after giving birth. The child and the family don’t have to worry about it. She took her husband to draw the picture. Bing thinks about returning to the workplace and having a beautiful baby with peace of mind who is still a hot mom.

But the connection she wanted was finally disconnected because her husband was busy taking care of her. She believed that her husband could not give her the sense of security that she wanted, and only work could satisfy her desire. I ignored the fact that she was already a mother, and did not coordinate with her husband the contradiction that she had left in her heart for a long time in a normal way of communication.

So, Many men and women who look like workaholics actually satisfy their inner desire for love and presence. Transfer the disconnected connection between the original family and spouse to their own work. Actually ignoring the lives of normal people are actually two parts: family management and outside management.

We Chinese people often say that after starting a family and starting a business, there must be an experience that has been summed up through many failures and lessons.

(3) The order of family and work is reversed.

In fact, most adults,Even if I have suffered pain in my native family, I still hope that I will not copy the injury caused by my parents, I am eager to have a warm home, and vowed to love my children.

reverses the sequence of family and work. If family members cannot help you settle your worries, you will often be distracted at work. If something goes wrong with your family or your children, you will fall into infinite self-blame In this way, this self-blame is brought to work and affects work, and this cycle of evil behavior continues to aggravate self-doubt and guilt.

Even if family members can help control everything at home, long-term neglect of family members will also make them feel anxious and insecure. When they find that you can’t give them the love they want, they may be Go elsewhere to find the connection they want.

(4) How to strive for a double harvest of career and family happiness

From the small details of the counterattack of the junior high school graduate mothers above, we should see that the family is always the first to be the king. She can have a happy home and excellent children because she puts her children and home first; He used to be his parents’ home, but now it’s his own little home; His care and help are in mind;

Of course If you want to put the family first,It is too far-fetched to make a double harvest for the business and family. After all, many people who are poisoned by their original family have regarded the connection with the outside world as their ultimate goal in life. It is difficult to be healed by a word or even the "nonsense" in their hearts. .

From a psychological point of view, it is recommended to balance work and family slowly until a win-win situation is achieved and a new life is achieved: On the white paper, draw yourself and not yourself, even if you use circles instead, re-examine your relationship with everyone except yourself, including your painful past. Feel that they have always existed and existed outside of our body. Accepting their existence is like accepting air;