Buddhism said: The cycle of cause and effect, the cause and effect are not false, and there must be an effect if there is a cause. I recently read a book "The Courage to Be Disgusted", which subverted my own cognition. The article mainly explained Adler's psychology through dialogues between philosophers and young people. This article will excerpt the more classic dialogues in the article, hoping to help you who are confused and anxious.
Have the courage to be hated
Youth: Are you kidding me! You said he created anxiety or fear himself? So, sir, is my friend pretending to be sick?
Philosopher: Not pretending to be sick. The anxiety or fear your friend feels is real, and sometimes he may be tortured by severe headaches or be bothered by severe abdominal pain. However, these symptoms are also created for the purpose of "not going out".
Youth: Absolutely impossible! This argument is incredible!
Philosopher: No, this is the difference between "cause theory" and "teleology". What you said is based on cause theory. However, if we continue to rely on causalism, we will never move forward.
Thinking: The young man’s friend suffers from the “closed door” disease. The young man believes that for some reason the young man dare not go out, and the philosopher thinks that his friend is not going out, and creates all kinds of uneasiness. ! This is the two viewpoints of "Cause Theory" and "Teleology". Do you have a similar situation in real life? What caused it? Or did we choose it ourselves?
Youth: So how can we choose again? It's not that "because you chose that lifestyle yourself, so choose now now" can be changed immediately!
Philosopher: No, it's not that you can't change. People can change at any time and in any environment. The reason why you cannot change is because you have made the determination to "not change".
Thinking: We always want to change ourselves in our lives, but every time we think about a thousand ways, we end up walking the old way. Did we make up our mind not to change from the beginning,Do you think it's good to live like this now? Maintaining the status quo is more at ease and easier!
Philosopher: That is to say, everyone will think that everyone is an enemy who can fool, mock, attack or even frame oneself at any time and must not be taken lightly, and the world is a terrifying place.
Youth: You mean the competition with enemies that cannot be taken lightly?
Philosopher: This is the scary thing about competition. Even if they are not losers, even if they have always been invincible, people in competition will not feel at ease for a moment and do not want to become losers. In order not to become a loser, one must always win and not trust others. The reason why many people have achieved social success but do not feel happy is because they live in competition. Because the world in their eyes is the danger of enemies everywhere.
Thinking: In your life and work, your interpersonal relationship is tense. Do you regard everyone as a competitor and cannot see that others are good from the bottom of your heart. But in fact, do others really follow you so much? Will watch you 24 hours a day, looking for opportunities to attack you?
Youth: Ha, please don’t go around in a circle to make inducing enquiries. Sir, you should also know that the so-called "demand for approval", the troubles of interpersonal relationships are concentrated on this point. We often need the approval of others while we are alive. It is precisely because the other party is not an annoying "enemy" that I want to get that person's approval! Yes, I just want to be approved by my parents!
Philosopher: I see. Regarding the current topic, I would like to talk about a major premise of Adler's psychology. Adler Psychology denies seeking the approval of others.
Youth: Deny the desire for approval?
Philosopher: There is no need to be recognized by others, and do not seek recognition. This point must be emphasized in advance.
Youth: Oh, what are you talking about! Isn’t the desire for recognition the universal desire that drives our human progress? !
Thinking: When I read this paragraph,I will also find that I have sought recognition from others since I was a child, and I have to pursue good grades in order to get the recognition of my teachers and parents when I go to school. To get the approval of the leader at work, do what the leader says. If you seek approval too much, you may lose yourself and lose confidence in yourself. You do not live to meet the expectations of others, nor do I live to meet the expectations of others. We don't need to meet the expectations of others.
Philosopher: The same is true for the separation of subjects. It is necessary to distinguish between "changeable" and "unchangeable". We cannot change "what is given". However, regarding "how to use what is given", we can use our own power to change. This is not to focus on the "unchangeable", but to focus on the "can change." This is what I call self-acceptance.
Youth: ... the ones that can be changed and those that cannot be changed.
Philosopher: Yes. Accept the things that cannot be replaced, accept the reality of "this me", and then show the "courage" to change the things that can be changed. This is self-acceptance.
Thinking: Can we do the separation of topics? Subject separation is to distinguish what is your own business and what is other's business. Do your own thing well, as for how others evaluate it is other people's business.
Philosopher: Please imagine yourself standing on the theater stage. At this time, if the lights are on in the entire venue, you can see the innermost part of the auditorium. However, if a strong spotlight hits you, you won’t even be able to see the front row.
Our life is exactly the same. It is precisely because of the vague and faint light that shines on the whole of life, so that we can see the past and the future; no, I feel that I can see it. However, if the strong spotlight is aimed at "this moment", then neither the past nor the future will be seen.
Youth: A strong spotlight?
Philosopher: Yes. We should live "this moment" more seriously. If you can see the past and predict the future,It proves that you are not seriously living in the "this moment", but living in a vague and faint light.
Life is a continuous moment, there is no past and future at all. You want to find a fortune for yourself by focusing on the past or the future. What happened in the past has nothing to do with your "this moment", and what will happen in the future is not a question of "this moment". If you live "this moment" seriously, you won't say that at all.
Thinking: There is no past or future, all we can have is the present. This is the most important moment for us. For example, if you want to take a civil service exam, that is the future goal, but you can only grasp the present. Read books and do exercises. Whether you can pass the exam in the future is not a question we should think about. The future simply does not exist.
Finally, I hope you will practice after you understand the truth. Only through practice and change can we see ourselves differently. Don't, I know the truth, but I still can't live my life well!
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