Wen|Zhu Shenyong
Marriage is a practical course. Marriage is daily life. Marriage is day after day, year after year. Marriage is firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea. Marriage is for two people every day. Interaction, the daily communication between the husband and the wife, the daily quarrel between the husband and wife...
You may have a lot of ideas and ideas in your mind, but you have to steadfastly implement them.
Marriage is contradictory, there is a gap between ideals and reality, and some ideals cannot be realized.
Everyone will have an ideal marriage, and everyone will have a realistic marriage.
I am tutoring a girl. She always feels that her husband is not good. I think her husband is very good. It is good to marry such a husband at her level.
She has a tertiary education and looks mediocre, but her heart is higher than the sky, and her life is thinner than paper.
Her husband is a master degree and is a leader in the company. The salary income is very high in their local area. She just feels that her husband is not good.
Because she is influenced by Qiong Yao, she thinks her husband is Prince Charming, she thinks her husband is a refined person, but her husband is not like that.
She thinks her husband’s image is five big and three rough, in fact her husband is very attentive, very delicate, very considerate, she also admires her husband, but her heart is unwilling.
She has been with a boy with a good appearance. The surface is bright and beautiful, and the inside is a bag of chaff.
She said, "It would be great if the two of them can blend into one person."
The gap between the ideal part and the real part of marriage is actually the focus of your conflicts.
How can we put our ideals into real life? How do you combine your ideals, reality, and your own experience? Strong27strong means that you have to clearly understand what you want to satisfy in the depths of your heart.
In many cases, our relationship with him is not good,We just blow our beards and stare, pick bones in our eggs.
When you were choosing a spouse, you chose to compromise, which means that you will also choose to compromise in the future. You should not be greedy.
Because our eyes are all conditional choices, or we all look selectively and feel choices.
You feel the places that he treats you well, and you feel the places that he treats you badly, you can ignore.
Sometimes you should watch those tragic marriages. You always watch Qiong Yao dramas. It's better to watch Korean dramas. Korean dramas always keep loved ones away from each other. You can clean up some things in your brain.
When you enter into a marriage, it means that you have to implement what you want to achieve when you enter into a marriage with him, what you want, one by one.
The most important thing about marriage is practical operation. Marriage cannot hang in the sky. Many people engage in extramarital relationships, which is actually an ideal state.
I once coached a boy, he must engage in extramarital relationships, he must be with his lover, he said that he and his lover are true love.
I asked him, "How did the two of you meet? What is the link between you and her? In what state did you decide to break the bottom line? What is your experience after you are together?"
I spend After more than half an hour, I analyzed with him whether they were true love or lack of marriage, and what the lover can satisfy him, what the lover is satisfied with is nothing more than satisfying his lack.
Later he admitted that the relationship between him and his lover is not what he imagined, but an ideal state between them.
Because you didn't get it in your marriage, you especially desire that state, so you will feel that it is true love.
What do men desire in marriage? Often it is what he lacks in his parents' marriage, and he will desire what.
If a man has not been taken seriously in his family since he was a child, he will especially care whether you pay attention to him or not, whether you agree with him or not.
If a man is abandoned by his parents, he must want you to take him seriously.
If a man’s parents often quarrel in his marriage, he especially longs for peace.
If a man thinks his mother is too fierce,He especially desires his wife to be gentle, and at the same time he will have conflicting needs. On the one hand, he is familiar with strong women, on the other hand, he desires gentle women.
The ratio of men to sex, love, and affection at each stage is different.
Men have always been in the forefront of sex ratios, especially men in their 20s and 30s.
For love, he will also be ranked higher, love is unconditional giving, love is unconditional gain.
Love produces attachment on the spiritual level. Love expresses the closeness of the relationship between him and you.
Love is always your respect for him, and you affirm him.
Emotions have emotions and emotions. The proportions of each period are different. For example, the proportion of 40-year-old men who are likely to be affection will increase significantly.
Before the age of 40, a man's need for sex may be 50%-60%. After his 40s, his need for sex may drop to 30%, and his need for love may rise to 40%-50%.
40-year-old men often engage in extramarital relationships, 30 or 20-year-old men engage in extramarital relationships outside, often not extramarital relationships, but extramarital relationships.
What should we do about the needs of the husband and the lack of marriage?
First, there must be love between husband and wife, not relatives.
Love is a state of life, a state of emotional attachment, keep shy and keep chasing.
Second, there must be a sense of gang between husband and wife.
Gang consciousness refers to group consciousness, male and female thieves' consciousness, the consciousness of sharing honour and disgrace, and the consciousness of sharing spoils. The military medal of marriage is half yours and half his.
Many couples have no sense of gangs. Some men are greatly influenced by traditional thinking or old thinking. He feels that the money he makes is his own, especially full-time men who would say this to their full-time mothers.
third,Don't succumb to outside pressure between husband and wife.
This pressure is often the pressure of parents and children.
Parental pressure is very common. Some are forced to divorce under the pressure of parents-in-law; some are forced to divorce under the pressure of mother-in-law and father-in-law.
The mother-in-law, old father-in-law, mother-in-law, and father-in-law will directly interfere with the relationship between husband and wife, directly interfere with your married life, and even directly control your marriage.
Fourth, the path of love between husband and wife needs to be maintained.
There is always a comfort zone in life. Marriage often enters the comfort zone after living. A positive statement means that you have formed a good habit. A negative statement means that you have entered a sense of fatigue.
There are still some differences between fatigue and comfort zone. The comfort zone is where everyone feels particularly comfortable and at ease. After a little bit, it will become the same as chewing wax. Day after day, year after year, repeat this. thing.
In many aspects of marriage, you can maintain love. For example, you can maintain anticipation in the bedroom exercise. If you don't expect it, your marriage must have been bad.
Stay passionate about entertainment activities. You used to watch movies together, have dinner together, participate in friends' activities together, and watch stage plays together. Why don't you go together now? Don't say it is because of the child.
You are not a person of this kind of life. You need to rekindle these in order to show off and please that woman.
You have to have the love of life. If you don't love life, you won't get it with anyone, and you won't be able to maintain long-term happiness and happiness with anyone.
Fifth, you have to maintain certain expectations and expectations, and this expectation is slightly higher than in real life.
If your expectations are lower than real life, the days will get worse.
We set small goals, and you have to jump to achieve them. You don’t need to stand up to the goals you set.You don't need to jump, you won't feel that accomplishing that goal will bring you much joy.
Marriage life is a step up step by step, marriage has a development cycle, and the development cycle is a step-by-step development.
Marriage cannot always maintain the same platform. We want marriage to maintain a higher platform, and there should be a possibility of rising.
There is the law of entropy in thermodynamics, everything will eventually be destroyed, the earth will eventually be destroyed, the sun will eventually be destroyed, and the universe will eventually be destroyed.
You don’t want him to be destroyed. You have to constantly replenish energy. It looks like a kitchen knife is rusty. You have to wipe the kitchen knife. The things in the house are broken and rotten. You have to store them and put them in the refrigerator. These are all energy.
Sixth, you have to make a good couple link.
If there is no link between husband and wife, the couple will become more and more indifferent.
We have a saying that distant relatives are not as good as close neighbors, which means that only when two people maintain interaction for a long time can they trust each other, heal each other, and promote profit.
cannot be linked by genes alone, nor by so-called love or impulse.
People are real flesh, they need to be satisfied, and the ultimate goal of enhancing the link is to satisfy each other's lack.
Finally, the practical course of marriage is to be operated every day. Many of us have learned various sects, such as marriage in Guoxue and marriage in Satya.
You cried so badly when you were studying, you didn't do it when you came home.
It’s not that difficult to manage a marriage well, just do these things every day.
There is a problem between you, you should communicate and solve it in time.
Author: Zhu Yong body, Fudan MBA, marriage management school founder, author of the bestseller "affair governance"
.
