I particularly agree with a comment in the comment section: More than 90% of Chinese families have a reversed order in marriage. The order of " couple relationship " must be before " parent-child relationship " , and is the first priority of the whole family !
1. Why?
Seeing this question, I remembered a passage written by Long Yingtai in her prose "Watching". "I slowly and slowly understand that the so-called father, daughter, mother and son is nothing more than saying that your fate with him is that you keep watching his back drift away in this life. You stand on this end of the path, Watching him gradually disappear at the turn of the path, and then, his back tells you silently, no need to chase."
2. Why is it the opposite?
But in fact, as I said at the beginning, 90% of people are against it! In fact, I really understand why people get the opposite of .
The exhaustion of pregnancy in October, the pain of childbirth, and the maternal love is too great ( I think from the bottom of my heart how praise can not be too much!), put yourself in a position and think about it, at this time who can not care about the meat falling from the body? has some seemingly weak women. Once they find someone has violated their children, will rush to protect the children like a tigress. It is human nature!
Therefore, I can deeply appreciate the maternal love!
But although many people understand in their hearts, in a family, the relationship between husband and wife should be greater than the relationship between parents and children, and a family like can be healthy. But for many people, especially the role of mothers, it is really difficult to do this.
First of all, many families have always had this idea: children are the most important! Z5z is here to talk about it, especially if the family is a boy, the family will pay more attention. Seeing here, is there someone asking for a bar again? This is the reality! Although gender equality has been shouting for too many years, in reality, many people's concepts, especially the parents' generation, have not completely changed! ).
Most people, including those around them, think that children are the hope of a family. If the children are good, then it is really good. Therefore, in such an environment, parents will inevitably sacrifice their time and interest and do everything they can to accompany their children.
Therefore, parents, including their parents, attach great importance to parent-child relationship! Especially the inter-generational parents hold their children in their palms! The first consequence of
is:
all the actions and purposes of the parents are led by the child! At the same time, the relationship between husband and wife will lack a sense of ceremony! As soon as
couples have children, the "two-person life" becomes unimportant. For example, if makes money, almost all of the money is spent on the children, and even the extra money is applied to the children for some unnecessary tutoring classes. The beautiful name is: Pay attention to education! Where is
mom? As long as you have time, you will be busy buying clothes for your children and making all kinds of food! .
But what about the couple? Steamed buns and pickles, as well as children’s leftovers, can be saved! In fact, will lead to a very serious consequence: the time and energy of both spouses for their children will be seriously overdrawn for a long time. Especially when there are differences between the two sides in the education of their children, what will happen?
will break out!
We often say that love is the backbone of a family! There is no home without love! But the "sense of ritual" is the lubricant of a family!
The "two-person world" between husband and wife has already become a state that can hardly be imagined because of the children, and the "sense of ceremony" between the two has become a luxury! Many husbands don’t understand the sense of ritual after getting along for many years, so why buy gifts? If I have this money, I can buy other things. Oops, so expensive! . . . . Too much too much.
Life itself requires rituals! Life is full of rituals! From the birth of a child to full moon wine, Hundred Day celebrations, including birthdays, marriages, etc., a lot of them are actually rituals! TwoPersonally living together, the sense of ritual is deprived. This is so boring! But in reality, many people cancel all of this for children! The wrong consequence of
overemphasizing the "parent-child relationship" Another consequence is that people are widespread: "To attach importance to children is to attach importance to partners"! The root of this misunderstanding is that the "parent-child relationship" is overemphasized, while ignoring the needs of the partner!
Actually caring for a partner is different from caring for a child!
If you have been spoiling your lover before marriage, after you marry and raise your baby, she still hopes to have some small surprises! Love is different! Feelings are strange! It is precisely because
pays too much attention to children that 90% of families put the importance of children before their partners! This is extremely dangerous!
3. Why is it extremely dangerous to prioritize the "parent-child relationship"?
Because children cannot live with their parents forever, a husband or wife can spend the rest of our lives with us. If the parent-child relationship is greater than the husband and wife relationship, and the dependence on children is too strong, when the children grow up, each other will increase a lot of psychological burden and family conflicts. A healthy family must be centered on the relationship between husband and wife. For children, give him unconditional love when he should love him, and learn to let go when he should let go, so that he can live independently.
And when parents pay too much for their children, there will be disharmony between husband and wife. A person’s cognition of intimacy is often cultivated from an early age. In the early years, there were always quarrels and cold wars between you and your spouse. When your children reach puberty, they are more likely to be rebellious and learn not to cherish. Some people in even say that due to the excessive spoiling of both parties, it is very easy to cause "Princess Disease or Ma Bao Nan". -.
Parents are always the first teachers of their children, what kind of marriage life you can manage, then they will learn from you. Children who grew up in cold and violent families have learned to be irresponsible.
The children who grew up in derailment, learned not to love someone, and highly suspicious of love.
Children who grew up in high-quarrel families, cannot control their emotions and have difficulty establishing normal social relationships with others. Why does
say, "If you want to develop a child into a complete person, you must first establish a happy and harmonious marriage"? Because your husband and wife relationship is stable, you can give your children a healthy and positive growth environment. cultivates curiosity about the world for children, rather than boredom. This is actually more important than drinking the most expensive milk powder and repaying the most expensive cram school.
Love children, not just what you can give him (her), but what he (she) can learn from you and your husband. Husband and wife are like the two pillars of the family. If the two pillars twist each other and detract from each other, then in this precarious family relationship, what the child will learn is not to grow and be independent, but to breed a lot without knowing it. Negative character. The relationship between husband and wife is good, and the environment for children's growth is good. The relationship between husband and wife drives the emotional development of children, so all members of the family can develop a "sense of family responsibility". Z2z
added: Some people say that this question is all nonsense, it's like the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law who fell into the river to save first, it is a stupid question.
This is not the same problem as that. I don’t know if the person who compares this problem with "Mother and daughter-in-law fell into the river" is married, or has several years of experience in husband and wife life, and how the relationship between the two parties is. The probability is that at least I haven't thought deeply about balance with my partner and child.
or your partner’s personality is so good that you never care about it, so that you don’t pay attention to the other’s feelings at all, thus ignoring each other;
or you regard your own status higher than your children and your partner, so Haven't thought about this issue seriously,
The third situation is that your wife (husband) is too considerate to you! Never let you have this neglected experience (the third situation is really unattainable)!
Four, finally
All the love in the world is for us to be together, and only maternal love is for separation. Since separation is inevitable, don’t let your children influence your "favorite"!
