Every child entering adolescence will face various problems.
There are conflicts and differences between peers, as well as various problems caused by their own reasons; for example, addiction to games, star chasing, self-isolation, puppy love, lack of sense of purpose, high mood swings, communication difficulties and so on.
However, what many parents feel most deeply is still the communication problem with their children; it is even said that many conflicts in the parent-child relationship stem from wrong communication methods.
In fact, children really look forward to the unconditional love of their parents, and parents also want to have a close parent-child relationship.
But unfortunately, we often only get along and interact with our children in established ways, including long-lasting communication patterns; unless we have to, we all follow this "engraved in our bones" law.
Therefore, when dealing with adolescent children, we often overlook an important issue: too much selfishness will cause children to have rebellious psychology.
However, the book "Why Don't My Children Listen to Me" tells us that most adolescent children do not know how to express their feelings, which can easily cause misunderstandings and sometimes even intensify conflicts with their parents.
Because children in adolescence have great mood swings, they become more sensitive, fragile and changeable than before; therefore, when parents face many changes in their children, they should first examine their own emotions: remove the "private goods" mixed in their emotions that are good for their children, and maintain good communication habits with their children with a peaceful mind.
Therefore, the importance of communication in the parent-child relationship is self-evident.
In fact, in addition to language and thinking, the parent-child relationship is also affected by emotions and emotions; although these are two lines that run independently, they play a decisive role, especially the influence of the latter.
The author of this book is Liu Chunting, psychoanalysis dynamic psychological counselor, psychological trainer; Zeng Qifeng Psychological Studio's main author of "Psychological Science Popularization" and Wanjia Hotline columnist. He has long been committed to the research and promotion of parent courses and psychological courses.
The author reminds us through this book: by examining and analyzing our own communication methods, we can discover the unseen emotions and needs hidden behind some common communication patterns; it is these hidden parts that destroy our communication and prevent us from getting the results we expect.
So, how can this situation be changed?
This book explains the secrets for us from 7 dimensions, which are: misunderstood "communication"; three levels of communication; the key element of communication - emotion; fatal contradictory information in communication; how the communication effect is destroyed by the subconscious; settling one's emotions; correctly unlocking communication.
If you want to analyze people’s misunderstandings about communication, you will find that many parents generally agree with a paradox: the older the children grow, the more difficult it becomes to communicate.
In fact, the real reasons often come from parents; firstly, parents do not treat their children as independent persons; secondly, parents always regard their children as part of themselves, that is, "my children", and their end point is not "children", but "mine". This assumption of ownership makes parents unconsciously enjoy a kind of "blood privilege".
This is why many parents hope that their children will "listen to themselves" and ignore the fact that children have their own will.
For example, some parents will use punishment to communicate with their children. Once the child does not cooperate, they will punish and humiliate the child... This result will further worsen the bad parent-child relationship.
It can be seen that the past tutoring model of "you do what I say" has long been outdated and will even cause endless harm in the long run.
So, how can we achieve truly healthy communication?
Communication is the process of transmitting information, spreading ideas, and conveying emotions between people. It is a way for a person to obtain other people's thoughts, emotions, opinions, and values, and it is a bridge between people.
It can be seen that only interactions with positive emotional responses can be called benign communication.
However, in real life, failed communication abounds. Usually, we raise the topic, but what we get is an unreasonable response; this often causes both parties to lose control of their emotions, leading to a breakdown in communication.
Therefore, this book advises us: parents should not take it lightly when it comes to educating their children; you must know that the subconscious is like magic - how parents feel and identify their children will determine what kind of person they may become.
In short, as parents, if you want to establish a good communication model with your children, the most important thing is for parents to have sufficient understanding; on the one hand, they understand, tolerate and recognize the shortcomings of their children in their growth process; on the other hand, they face their own shortcomings, pay attention to intergenerational issues, innovate themselves, and grow with their children, so that they can have a positive and beautiful parent-child relationship with their children.
