Text/Han Meiyi
01
Is it easy to take care of children?
On this issue, people who have personally taken care of children for a long time will definitely not be able to discuss it with people who have never taken care of children, or who only occasionally accompany children.
People who have carefully raised children will say that raising children is too tiring and worrying; while people who have not "raised children well" will find raising children easy and comfortable, and may even think that women are too lazy and just want to enjoy leisure at home, making excuses for not going to work.
This is the case between some couples: the woman who takes care of children works very hard and expects to be recognized and respected, but the man who has not taken care of children thinks that the woman is pretentious.
Many people always say that husband and wife should understand and help each other. Only in this way can the family be more harmonious and happier.
sounds simple, but how many couples can do it?
Too many people are always used to criticizing and blaming their partners from their own perspective, but they rarely think about it. If they were in that situation, would their partner do well?
“What you learn on paper is ultimately shallow, but you must know that you must practice it. ”
Many times, only when a person has personally experienced and experienced something can he truly "empathize" with it.
02
Reader Chen Jing (pseudonym) recently had an unpleasant quarrel with her husband over the child. Although her husband finally apologized to her and admitted his mistake, she still felt a little uncomfortable.
"No one can see how well you take care of your children, but once the child feels a little uncomfortable or stumbles, it's all your fault. Although everyone has always said that women contribute to the family and share the burden for their husbands, but in the eyes of men, Maybe you don't think so. As long as you don't make money, you have no say in him, and he will ignore your efforts... Anyway, I just feel that it is thankless for women to take care of their children at home. "
What happened to make Chen Jing feel so emotional?
Half a month ago, Chen Jing's 1-year-old and 1-month-old daughter had a high fever, vomiting and diarrhea. Although she went to the hospital and was told that it was nothing serious, her husband still scolded Chen Jing unceremoniously after learning about it.
What her husband meant was that this period of time was quite "special". He had given Chen Jing countless instructions to protect herself and her daughter, but she refused to listen and insisted on taking her daughter for a walk downstairs in the community. In the end, her daughter got sick and suffered.
Chen Jing also felt aggrieved by her husband's accusation. On weekdays, her husband went to work and she and her daughter had to eat at home. She had to go downstairs to buy groceries, right? How could you stay at home all the time? Furthermore, she took precautions every time she took her daughter downstairs, and she didn’t mean to ignore her daughter! Why should her husband accuse her right away?
Maybe it was because of the child's misfortune. The couple was in a bad mood, and neither spoke in a friendly tone. Seeing Chen Jing's angrily defending, her husband also became completely angry. He shouted at the top of his voice, saying whatever he said was as hurtful as possible.
" You can't even take care of a child! Are you still reasonable? I don't know what you can accomplish every day! You eat, spend, and use my things every day, and you still have so much leisure at home, so why do you bring up your children like this? You are really useless!" Seeing your daughter suffering like this, how can you find excuses to excuse yourself?
Chen Jing couldn't tell how she felt when her husband said this.
Indeed, she is a full-time mother who does not earn a penny and relies on her husband’s salary to support her, but who asked her to take care of her children at home in the first place?
Chen Jing was also very angry when talking about the past.
Her mother-in-law was a bit patriarchal because she failed to give birth to a big fat boy. During her confinement, her mother-in-law made her suffer a lot.In order not to "offend" either party, her husband was also worried that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law would become worse and worse if they lived under the same roof for a long time. Therefore, after she was pregnant, her husband discussed with her and said that her mother-in-law should go back to her hometown and they would take care of the children themselves.
What her husband said at the time was that their financial situation was not good and they could not afford a nanny for a while. Even if Chen Jing went to work, they gritted their teeth and hired a nanny.
" Don't worry, this is our child. I will definitely not let you take full responsibility for it. I will definitely find time to help you share the burden! Let's just be patient and endure it until our daughter is older and goes to kindergarten." Kindergarten, we are all relieved! "
In this way, under the "offensive" of her husband's assurance and handing over her salary card, Chen Jing agreed to the life style of "the man takes care of the outside and the woman takes the responsibility of the house".
My daughter was five months old. Her husband did what he promised. He helped Chen Jing to share the burden. As long as he was at home, he would help with cooking and coaxing the baby. Basically, he would get up at night to breastfeed.
Later, I don’t know whether the husband saw that his daughter was older and didn’t need to worry so much anymore, or whether the husband was really busy with work. In short, he returned home and rarely interacted with his daughter. Even on weekends, he had to go out to socialize.
Originally, Chen Jing thought that it would not be easy for her husband to make money. Since her daughter was no longer young and she was proficient in raising children, there was no need to ask her husband to help her more at home. The only thing she had to do was to run the house properly and not distract her husband.
Who knows? I wonder if Chen Jing is too overbearing, and her husband gradually becomes less considerate and impatient. Whenever he talks to Chen Jing at home, her husband seems to have a condescending attitude. Whenever he sees something at home that is not doing as he expected, or if his daughter falls, loses weight, wears dirty clothes, or feels uncomfortable, he will definitely say something to Chen Jing mercilessly.
Thinking of the past, because she was dissatisfied with her husband's pickiness, she often argued with him, but her husband did not seem to have changed at all. Now because her daughter was sick and had a fever, and she was scolded by her husband, Chen Jing felt that she could no longer struggle needlessly: What's the use of just arguing? The husband doesn’t think he is wrong? The couple quarreled and had a huge falling out, but in the end they couldn't change anything about the husband. In this case, they simply used a clever way to fight back, so that the husband would "suffer a big blow", gain a memory, and reflect on it!
After thinking this way, Chen Jing stopped quarreling with her husband. She focused entirely on taking care of her daughter and responded to her husband's nagging and mumbling with silence. It was not until two days later that her daughter's fever completely subsided and she seemed to be in good spirits, so she quietly implemented her plan.
Early the next morning after her daughter returned to normal, Chen Jing quietly carried her luggage to a hotel not far from home while her husband was still sleeping. After arriving at the hotel, she sent her husband a text message saying that she had returned to her parents' home, and she also taught her husband how to take care of her daughter.
When Chen Jing saw Chen Jing "running away from home" without saying hello, her husband was very angry. He scolded Chen Jing for a long time on the phone, and threatened that if Chen Jing did not come back, he would throw the child back to his mother in his hometown.
However, no matter how her husband intimidated her, Chen Jing remained indifferent. After listening to her husband's words, she calmly said, " It's not my child. Why can't you, a father, take care of your daughter at home for a few days? Didn't you say that you can take care of your child for a few days? Then enjoy yourself at home for a few days." Then she hung up the phone decisively.
After that, her husband called Chen Jing frequently, sometimes complaining, cursing, and sometimes asking about her daughter's eating, drinking, and diarrhea. In short, every time, his tone was very bad.
It was probably the fourth day that Chen Jing stayed in the hotel. Her husband's attitude softened obviously. Although he still complained impatiently that his daughter did not eat complementary foods well, was always crawling and moving around, and fell several times when she was learning to walk. She was too energetic every day, but he no longer ridiculed or sarcastic Chen Jing, nor did he say "raising children is easy".
Just when Chen Jing was thinking that if there was no unexpected situation with her husband, she might as well go back to her parents' house for a few days. At 3:30 in the morning on the sixth day of her stay in the hotel, her husband called her. First, he told her that her daughter was not feeling well somewhere, was not sleeping well, and was always crying.
" I'm sorry, wife, I shouldn't have scolded you like that! I shouldn't have said something that hurt you! I will really change this time, please forgive me for the sake of the child and come back! "
03
Chen Jing finally packed her luggage and returned home.
However, she did not tell her husband that she was staying in a hotel not far from home. She stayed in the hotel for several hours and calculated the time, making her husband think that she had taken a car back from her parents' home early in the morning.
She said something like this to me: " After all, women worry more about children than men! It's not that I haven't thought about going back to my parents' home, but when I think about men's carelessness, something really happened to the children. If the men can't handle it in time, I can still rush home quickly from the hotel. Alas, there is no way, women have their own weaknesses after having children. I can only say that I hope men can be more careful in the future. Respect and be considerate of stay-at-home mothers. When there is no help from the elderly and no money, one of the couple must make some sacrifices for the sake of the children. ”
I have to say that Chen Jing’s approach is quite commendable. It is far better to let her husband experience the feeling of worrying about her children than to keep telling her how hard and tired she is.
In fact, the reason why many couples have conflicts is that they only see what they have done and ignore the contributions of their partners, and then exaggerate their own contributions to the family. They always feel that they are the one who has made the greatest contribution to the family.
If the couple does not think about the same thing and work hard for the family, but secretly compares who has paid more, then sooner or later, there will be gaps in such a marriage.
Really, since two people have formed a family and have children together, then they should not only understand and consider each other all the time, but at least should not belittle their partner's contribution to the family, and do not always take everything their partner does for granted.
It's like raising a child. If you can't raise it yourself, don't ridicule your partner for being free. If you think you can do better than your partner, don't just talk about it, and take care of it for a while.
