We know to talk to our children, but what we blurt out is the few words we often say. The following 8 sentences are often said by many parents. In the book "The Most Gentle Education", the author Wu Enying suggested that the effect would be better if expressed in another way.
1. "Why do you think this way?" Change to "Ah, so that's how you think." The previous question in
is meaningless and the child cannot answer it. At most, the parents just vent their emotions, which makes the child feel reprimanded, and the latter sentence makes the child feel understanding.
Parents don’t have to worry about their children doing “bad things”, as this is to indulge their children. In fact, accepting the child’s emotions and feelings does not mean that the parents recognize his behavior. They should not agree with what they should buy or not, and they should not do what they should not be allowed to do. However, if the child thinks that you understand him, he will only listen to what you say next.
2. When the child is procrastinating, he will say, "Why aren't you hurry up?" "Why can't you eat well?" "Why do you always eat while watching TV?"
is replaced by: "When time comes here, we will set off."
When there is a problem, parents need to understand what we want to solve now, should we go out quickly or teach them the skills of dressing and eating? Solve one problem at a time.
Parents should do it when they say it. When the time is up, parents should take their children out. Even if they don’t wear clothes, take them out.
3. Change "Why are you crying?" "Why are you crying?" to "Oh, you are such a crying guy. Just cry as much as you want. It doesn't matter, I'll talk about it after you finish crying." The previous words in
are full of impatient emotions of parents, and they obviously want to stop the child from venting his negative emotions. This is not effective. Either the child is unhappy when he sees his parents, crying more fiercely, or the child keeps his grievances in his heart, but this is even more unfavorable to the child's growth.
So, you might as well wait quietly for the child to finish crying. Maybe when the child hears you say this, he will calm down.
4. When the child says to you, "Can you play with me?" Many parents will say, "What are you playing? Why don't you go to do your homework quickly." "Didn't you see that I'm busy?" "How old are you, and you still want me to play with me? Go and find your friends to play with/play on your own."
said this, children will feel boring, they just want to enjoy the happy time with their parents. So, we can answer this way: "Okay, mom also likes to play with you. How good it is, but when mom finishes washing these dishes, then play with you."
The child will not be too long for us. When they grow up, even if we sit next to them, they will feel that we want to find out their secrets and run faster than rabbits. So, cherish these days when you hear them call "Mom, Mom" every day.
5. When a child is picky about food, replace the words "If you don't eat, you won't grow taller" and "If you don't eat, you will catch a cold" with "try it again, um, how delicious."
When a child doesn't like eating the food we make, we can ask him what he wants to eat first. After the child says it, we can say that he will make it for you to eat in the evening, but you can try this now. If a child takes a bite, the parents will praise them. Then ask them, "Is it delicious?" If the child still says it is not delicious, we should not say anything else.
Don’t teach children at the dinner table. Eating means maintaining a happy mood, otherwise it will not be easy to digest after eating.
6. If the child accidentally breaks the bowl, he says, "Mom, I'm sorry, please forgive me, I won't do it next time." How did you answer? You are saying, "Look, I told you not to get it, but you didn't listen. Be careful next time, let's forget it this time." Or, "Okay, as long as you know you're wrong, mom will forgive you."
In fact, neither answer is appropriate. When a child is still young and makes a mistake and asks us for forgiveness, we can say this: "No need to apologize, just learn it, and you will get better slowly."
Because children are still young, they don't know, do not do well, or do wrong things. They are normal things, and parents don't need to forgive them. What parents need to do is just teach them well.
7. When two children at home snatch things, please change the words "You are the brother, you should give in to your brother" with: "This toy belongs to your brother. If you want to play with it, you must obtain your brother's consent. "
It is right for the brother to take care of the younger brother, and the brother to ask the younger brother, and the brother to help the younger brother. However, we must first affirm this fact.
8. The child is unwilling to go home if he plays, and the mother says, "I had known that you were so disobedient, I shouldn't have brought you here." "Go home now, if I say no, it won't work", or talk to the child about the reason, but the child still doesn't buy it, and he just refuses to leave while crying and making a fuss.
In fact, the mother can say, "I had a lot of fun today, right? Now it's time to go home, let's go home. "
The younger the child, the simpler our language must be, so that the child can understand it. If the child still cries and refuses to leave, parents can pick up the child directly and go home. Remember not to blame the child on the way back. If the child really wants to play, parents can promise "I will bring you here to play tomorrow." "Remember to do it when you say it.
language is the bridge of communication. Children are young and we think it is easy to understand things they may not be able to understand. Learn to speak from the child's perspective, so that communication can be smooth, and the parent-child relationship will naturally be more harmonious.
