The best shortcut to what kind of person do you want your child to become and what kind of personality you develop is to become that person first.
Set an example and being influenced by your eyes is the most effective education.
Author | Tudou Ma
There is an old teacher who has been teaching for more than 20 years. In his contact with parents, he discovered a heartbreaking fact:
Nowadays, many parents do not even have the most basic politeness, but ask their children to say hello to others;
He speaks rudely and savagely, but requires children to treat others gentlely;
even criticizes and slanders the teacher at will. Students no longer trust teachers, and teachers lose authority over students, and the children are ultimately the victims.
Recently, in Hengshui, Hebei, this scene happened in a class WeChat group:
Because the child was late for taking online classes, the parents and the class teacher had a dispute.
In a fit of anger, the parents publicly insulted the teacher in the group. This was not satisfying, and the parents sent multiple voice messages in succession to attack and insult the teacher's personality.
The school and teachers could not bear it anymore and chose to call the police to deal with it.
Finally, the parents suffered a bad consequence and were detained for 10 days and fined 500 yuan.
Parents who are emotionally unstable and have extreme behavior will not only cause themselves to cocoon, but also cause harm to their children.
Psychologists have said:
"In the heart of children, parents are God, sacred and majestic. They will accept the way parents handle problems in their entirety."
We often complain that children are rude, uneducated, and emotional, but forget that all the problems and shortcomings of children are just mappings of parents' problems.
Children "copy" their growth step by step through their parents' words and deeds.
irritable and irritable parents
Can't raise gentle and polite children
Nowadays, many children have been cultivated as "little bully" with misconduct.
In Hunan No. 1 Middle School, the teacher was giving a lecture. A male classmate suddenly rushed to the podium and waved his fists at the teacher;
In a bookstore in Beijing, a boy read aloud. The staff reminded him kindly. The boy pointed at the staff's nose and scolded: "Do you believe it or not, I will suck you?"
People's Daily once pointed out that many educational problems seem to hinted by the children, but the "root" actually lies in the parents.
If a child is full of anger, uneducated, and swears and fists at any time, it must be the result of being influenced by the eyes and ears at home.
I once watched a micro movie, which was just 8 minutes long, but it was thought-provoking:
Lisa is the new nanny at the girl's house.
Lisa As soon as she entered the door, the little girl smiled and politely called her "auntie".
But the girl's mother stopped the little girl sternly and stated that "she is just an hired nanny, just call her name", her eyes full of disdain.
The girl's mother took Lisa's ID and forbidden her to rest. She also arranged for Lisa to move into a dirty and messy utility room.
When having supper, Lisa asked the girl's mother where she was eating. She responded impatiently and said, "You can eat after we finish eating."
At 3 o'clock in the middle of the night, the girl's mother was hungry when she worked overtime, so she directly woke up Lisa who was sleeping and prepared her late-night snack.
sleepy Lisa held soup noodle and accidentally sprinkled it onto the file. The girl's mother scolded Lisa and pushed Lisa roughly.
And all of this was seen by the girl.
Slowly, she also began to change.
When she walked into the house, she started to throw things around and took off her shoes and didn't put them in place.
Once at school, the aunt who cared for the children accidentally spilled the soup. The girl changed her normal behavior and pointed at the aunt's nose and scolded.
It was not until this time that the girl's mother woke up: it turned out that the child was growing up by imitating her own appearance.
educator Sukhomlinsky once said:
"Every moment, when you see the child, you see yourself; when you educate the child, you are educated and check your personality."
Children and parents are each other's mirrors.
An arrogant and rude parent cannot raise a humble and polite child; an irritable parent cannot raise a gentle and friendly child.
The details of parents’ dealing with others and their attitude towards life will subtly influence their children’s views and shape their character.
Parents' moodiness
will be passed down from generation to generation
There is a problem in the CCTV documentary "Mirror" of the boy named Zeqing.
He was only 14 years old and had already dropped out of school and was at home. What's even more terrifying is that he often can't help but lose control of his emotions and has a serious tendency to violence.
If there is any trouble, he will vent destructively, and he will smash every door in the house.
When he is angry, he will pull his mother's hair, hit her, grab her with her nails, and even use a knife.
What causes Zeqing to be so impulsive and irritable, and even face his own mother with a knife? The root of all problems can be traced back to Zeqing's parents:
The relationship between father and mother has always been in disagreement and they often fall into quarrels.
Mom has a loud voice and a bad temper. She is very harsh when scolding people, and she often keeps her fingers at something.
Dad pursues violent education and often takes action.
After a long time of influence, Zeqing began to become moody, indifferent, and loses his temper, smashes things, and hits people whenever he disagrees.
The temperament and personality of children are deeply influenced by their parents' words and deeds. Emotional parents will only copy emotional children.
The way a family gets along and tutoring models determines what kind of person the child will become, and even affects the fate of several generations.
My friend Xiaowen has recently divorced. Her ex-husband is an irritable and impermanent person. He scolds Xiaowen and beats the children whenever he raises his hand.
Xiaowen has been swallowing her anger over the years, but this time, her ex-husband hit her with a bruised nose and a swollen face.
In fact, she has tried to save this marriage over the years, but every time her ex-husband swears to control herself, but when she is emotional, she still ignores her words, speaks ruthlessly, and takes action seriously.
In such a family atmosphere, she and her children live tremblingly every day.
This time, Xiaowen finally saw through it, because her ex-husband’s father and grandfather were all irritable people, and this habit has been engraved in her ex-husband’s bones and cannot be changed.
The ex-husband's mother and grandmother have also lived under cursing and fists all her life. She didn't want her child to fall into such a dark cycle and finally left cruelly.
Psychologist Daniel Gorman said: "Family life is our first school to learn emotions."
In a healthy, optimistic and peaceful family, happiness, sunshine and warmth are passed down from generation to generation.
And in an impulsive, impatient and violent family, these are like a kind of "genetic disease", passed down from generation to generation and are difficult to escape.
Parent emotional parents
is the happiness of children for their lives
Li Meijin Once said:
"If you want to raise a noble, noble and well-educated child, you must first cultivate the child's emotions well.
We don't want an irritable person, we want a peaceful person. The irritable person's strength is outside, and the peaceful person's strength is in the heart."
A child with stable emotions and calm hearts is full of nobleness and upbringing.
And behind such children, there must be parents who do not yell or scream, who are patient and reasonable.
Hu Shi's mother is kind and gentle, and has never hurt feelings.
She never accuses and beats Hu Shi in front of outsiders. She waits for small matters to wake up the next morning before scolding her. She also has to wait until late at night to punish her for the big matters to be closed and punished.
As the leader of the stepmother, Hu Shi's mother is very arrogant and has a good temperament, and she is particularly tolerant of things.
The eldest brother has been a prodigal since he was a child and owes debts. Every time the debt collectors come to him during the Chinese New Year, his mother will not be angry or scold him.
The eldest sister-in-law and the second sister-in-law are in a bad relationship. They walk in and out every day. Both of them grit their teeth with a stern face, and even beat and scold the children to vent their anger. The mother can tolerate it if she can, and never quarrel.
The gentle personality and generous temperament made Hu Shi grow into a peaceful and generous person, and these also made him live his life.
Hu Shi was also full of gratitude when recalling his mother:
"If I learn a little bit of good temper, if I learn a little bit of kindness to deal with others, if I can forgive and be considerate of others, I have to thank my kind mother."
The development of children's character and character is closely related to the raising of their children.
Being a parent with a peaceful mood is the greatest luck for your child in his life.
The famous American psychologist John Gotman said:
"The ability to perceive and control emotions is even more important than IQ. These abilities determine a person's achievements and happiness in various fields of society, including the happiness of the family."
A child who knows how to manage his emotions at all times is humble in his bones, respect in his words and deeds, and considerate in his interactions.
Such children with dignified behavior and valuable character will be outstanding wherever they go.
The old saying goes, look at people and look at their parents, look at people and their tutors.
Behind the rude and rude children, there must be arrogant parents; behind the polite and decent children, there must also be gentle and kind parents.
There is a famous saying in "Advanced Education":
"Cultivating yourself is more important than nurturing children. Before nurturing an excellent child, you must first become an excellent parent."
Parents are their children's first textbook.
If you want to cultivate a child with precious character, parents should first work hard to be emotionally stable parents.
On weekdays, you don’t quarrel in trivial matters, don’t blame when you encounter problems, don’t talk randomly when you are angry, and don’t be impulsive when you are angry.
Parenting is self-cultivation. Only when you manage yourself well can you be qualified to educate and influence your children.
encourages all parents.
