friend Xiaoling sent a message saying: It's so bad. I dreamed of some things from the past last night. What I remember most in the dream is that my mother is losing her temper again and is tired.
I have known Xiaoling for more than 20 years. She rarely mentioned her family before. It was not until she suffered from moderate depression that she learned about the growth environment from childhood to adulthood from her nagging words.
Xiaoling's mother is not easy. She couldn't rely on her parents when she was young, and after marriage, she couldn't rely on men. Therefore, she formed the habit of being strong. As long as Xiaoling does not meet her requirements, she will lose her temper. In addition, she always recalls her childhood misfortune and tells her that her mother's sadness and pain brought many helpless moments to Xiaoling.
The doctor who helped Xiaoling treat depression told her: The biggest reason for this pain comes from her mother, and her emotions invisibly affected Xiaoling. Only by telling your inner pain to your mother and letting stable maternal love truly heal Xiaoling.
Parents' emotional instability is a disaster for their children
Some people say: Mom's emotional instability is a disaster for them children .
is not an exaggeration at all. Xiaoling's experience is the best proof. She has been working hard to regulate her emotions and chose to go to school and work far away from her mother in order to make herself live a little easier.
is just the influence of her mother on her childhood. How could it be eliminated because of the distance problem? When facing an emotionally unstable mother, Xiaoling is not the only one who is hurt. Many children will be affected by their mother's emotions during their growth.
I have seen a mother who loses her temper with her child before. When someone dissuaded her, she said, "Then 's 's 's 's 's , what does know? What can it affect?" Faced with such a mother, I must say solemnly: "Children have the ability to sense mother's emotions ."
A person can already sense mother's emotions since he was still a fetus. It can be said that mother is the barometer of children , and their emotions will change with with mother 's joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness .
If the mother is happy, the child will also show happiness and joy, but if the mother is often sad and irritable, the child's personality will become hesitant and irritable.
So, don’t underestimate the impact of mother’s emotions on children.
Research has found that 80% of a child's character and way of handling things come from the influence of his mother on him when he was young.
Allow everything to happen
I once saw a description in an article describing the emotions of mothers: mothers’ emotions are like a flowing river. When they are soft, they can nourish all things and allow children to grow up healthily like green grass; when they are irritable, they can make huge waves, and children will naturally suffer from blows.
As mothers, we cannot predict what kind of things will happen to children during their growth, nor can we predict what kind of people they will become in the future. But after becoming mothers, there are two things we should do.
1. Allow everything to happen
In fact, many people cannot get rid of some of the troubles brought by the original family, just like Xiaoling is already 30+ but she still dreams about the scene where her mother lost her temper when she was a child. But there is no way to go back to the past and save the former self. Now that she has become a mother, she often reminds herself not to be a person like her mother.
I feel sorry for Xiaoling’s experience and want to tell women who have the same experience that allows everything to happen . What happened in the past is that learns to accept . Only by allowing everything to happen can rescue the unhappy itself . It is precisely because of the energy that allows everything to happen that can make minds become open , and can give children a mother with emotional stability.
2. Learn to regulate your emotions
I have shared with you the content in a video I saw before. A girl who was just in elementary school said: "Everyone said that emotions can be controlled. In fact, you are right, but cannot use the word control . should be converted ."
Indeed, if you think about it carefully, no one can completely control their emotions. Every time you control emotions, there must always be an venting port behind it. Especially women in today's society are actually very tired. We have to take care of our family and children, work, socialize, and arm ourselves like a superman. Under such high pressure, bad emotions are inevitable.
It can be understood that mothers have emotions, but what they don’t agree with is using children as an outlet for their emotions. Therefore, after becoming a mother, you must learn to regulate your emotions. You can hammer it hard at the sandbag, shout a few times on the empty mountaintop, and travel to a strange city...
Parenting Tips: The premise for everything to transform emotions is: Don’t vent your emotions in front of your child .
Mother is the child's high emotional intelligence training base
A child's best growth gift , which means there is a stable growth environment , and what is indispensable in this environment is: a mother with stable emotions. Mothers are emotionally stable, and children can gain a sense of security from an early age. Such children will be emotionally stable, enthusiastic and cheerful when they grow up, and they will be comfortable in dealing with people.
Some people call children with stable emotions high emotional intelligence. Their emotional intelligence is not genetic, but a good " cultivation base " in the acquired environment, that is, mother.
When it comes to children with high emotional intelligence, we have to mention the sons of Huo Siyan and Du Jiang : Huheng . From being well-known in "Where Are We Going, Dad?" to participating in other variety shows later, Huheng has shown high emotional intelligence and gained a large number of "mom fans". They envy Huo Siyan for having a son with high emotional intelligence, and they also envy Huo Siyan for educating his son.
Think carefully and you will find that Huo Siyan has educated her son with high emotional intelligence. The main reason is that she is emotionally stable in front of her children. When Huo Hen cried on the show, Huo Siyan would not question him loudly, but instead chatted with Huo Hen patiently, and even confronted Huo Hen in "childish" .
It is precisely because of this that I have a person who can always love my mother and think about others. Others praised Hum and his high emotional intelligence. In fact, it was his emotionally stable mother who had cultivated such a child.
A woman's emotions out of control is very easy to , and it is easy to to spread bad emotions to children is also a matter of minutes . But it is really not easy to be able to stabilize one's emotions. But after becoming a mother, maintaining a stable mood is something we should do, and even something we have the responsibility to do.
This is how to cultivate healthy and high emotional intelligence children. Now we advocate "dual commerce" education, and emotional intelligence is more important than IQ. If your emotions affect your children's growth and future happiness, mothers are responsible. So, please be a stable mother. This is the basics and your great mission!
In the early morning, my mother came to talk:
Happy people use childhood to heal their lives, and unfortunate people use their lives to heal their childhood. I hope every mother can understand this sentence and make the child the previous type of person, let the child use his childhood to heal his life, and the mother he recalls is a good mother with an emotional stability!
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