How to be a mother with 60 points?
How to be a good role model father?
The growth of a child is a family matter, a society matter, or a mother and a couple.
But it is not just something that mothers can accomplish by anxiety and hard work alone. It especially requires you to look at raising this from two perspectives.
One is that you must truly observe and understand the characteristics, psychology, mental mode of children in each different stage of growth ;
Another angle is also particularly important, that is, whether you can observe yourself. The thinking habits and certain psychological hints that your growth process brings to you will be applied to every moment you get along with your children.
If the mother can face this process better, but the surrounding systems cannot give her corresponding support, she will work harder.
The formula of a Chinese family model is called "Absent dad + anxious mom = out-of-control child". I think it makes sense to think about it carefully.
My parents need to cooperate, and now because they live with grandparents or grandparents, there is cooperation between different generations.
When children gradually move from families to broad society - kindergartens and schools are like transfer stations - this is cooperation between home and school.
includes the child entering society. In every unfamiliar environment, such as on buses, museums, and cinemas, he is all aware of what attitude this society gives him. What attitude he will reflect in the future to others and this social space, are all related to each other.
First of all, you have to be nice to him. Generally speaking, from a psychological perspective, a child’s self-evaluation comes from the evaluation of him by the outside world.
Once I went to the inspection, and then among a group of onlookers, I saw a child's eyes bright. I was very interested in him, so I came over to chat with him.
I said your parents are working outside? He said that there was, too. I said that you hope your parents will come back soon. I don’t want money, I just want you to accompany me?
He said no. I said why? He said I know what my parents are doing.
What does this mean? He said that every holiday, his parents would take him from his hometown to Shanghai. Where they work, they would take him to see what Shanghai is like on their holidays, visit Shanghai museums, and take photos together.
Later I went to his house. There was an album under the pillow. The one that was a bit rotten and loose, was his photos with his parents at attractions such as the Oriental Pearl.
He said I miss them and just look at this. I said, do you want them to quit their jobs and come back to accompany you? He said no, my father said, we work hard, they are responsible for making money, and I am responsible for studying hard.
So, the so-called companionship and raising do not mean being by your side every minute, but psychologically feeling that he values me and loves me.
"Be a 60-point mom". Never be a 90-point mother or a 100-point mother. Long live 60 minutes! Why is 60 points better?
A mother, if she was loved by her mother when she was young, then she had an open mind to look at the new life, and had a husband who was relatively supportive, and could become a good mother for her children without learning parenting. You have to believe that you are the mother who is the best for your child and that you have the right to raise your child according to your own ideas. What is the difference between mothers with
60 points and mothers with 90 points in performance?
In fact, being a 60-point mother is to distinguish between society’s evaluation of children and my evaluation.
Mothers who do 60 points are just that if the mother does less, the child will have more space. If my mother hopes that he will do it according to my consciousness every day and every minute, he will have no space for autonomy at all, then what does life mean to him? If a person cannot be himself, life has no value to him.
So the so-called 90 points or 100 points is the vanity requirement of parents that they have not met before, and then hope that their children can earn this thing back.
How can a father not be a widowed father, and at the same time not be a completely controlled father? Because some fathers are too strong, they have the final say at home. How to grasp this scale?
I used to have a view that I think there is no way to raise children. Just say that this child doesn’t like to eat, what should I do? There may be ten different situations that cause him not to like to eat because he is in a bad health, in a bad mood, is really unpalatable for food, and is uncomfortable in sitting posture... You can't solve the problem with the same method.
But after constantly reading, practicing, and communicating with others, I found that there is also a way. It means that you can look at the journey of a life from a perspective from a straight perspective, and then you can have a sense of observation and analysis.
For example, he suddenly rolled on the ground today. What is the reason? Instead of rolling against him and beating him.
Then you have another way to figure out the moment I was most anxious about. What's wrong with me? Why aren't others anxious about this? What causes it?
If you use these two magic weapons, you can often solve the problem. The rebellious period at the age of two and fifteen years old, most likely you can understand the needs of your children in the same way and explore and move forward with him.
As a father, how can you grasp this standard?
The role of a father should be that when the child encounters difficulties and keeps retreating, there is a wall that can hold him up. This is a role that a father should have. I think it makes sense. Many fathers should play their value at critical moments and in times of difficulties, and their children will think that I have a ok father.
The most important thing in raising children is to love, which means to love from the bottom of your heart, not picky. This thing must be clearly defined.
What some parents in life express is basically not love anymore, but what they show is picky. They think picky is a way to express love.
Two very important things for fathers.
The first is to love your children;
The second is to be a role model;
You have to live a good life, right? is what you need at least.
may not necessarily be a successful person, but you must have a pursuit of your career and your life. This is a good education for many children.
So raising is really not a temporary thing, it is a lifelong thing.
I am a singer Haofan I share parenting knowledge on Toutiao. If you are confused about raising children, you are welcome to check out my article. Leave me a message if you have any questions and let us accompany the child to grow up together.
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