Hello everyone, I am Cuckoo Mom~
Every time I mention " A Chinese Odyssey ", I will think of the nagging Tang Monk . Especially what he said, I remembered to laugh at each other:
" Wukong You are too naughty. I told you not to throw things around, why are you... You see, before I finished speaking, you threw the stick again. The moonlight treasure box is a treasure, and throwing it litter will pollute the environment. What if it hits the child? Even if it can't hit the child, it's wrong to hit the flowers and plants..."
Every time I heard it, I couldn't help but take a deep breath and rolled my eyes: Help, how could there be such a long-winded person?
I once thought that characters like Tang Seng were completely fictional, just for the sake of being funny. Until one time, Buniu said something to me, which made me change this view.
Every time Bu Niu goes out, she likes to touch the escalator with her hands, regardless of whether the escalator is clean or not, her hands are always on it.
I told her that the escalator is dirty, there are bacteria on her hands, and her sleeves will get dirty. But she never listened.
Once, she grabbed the escalator with her hands again. When I looked, there was a thick layer of dust on it. I couldn't help it anymore and justified her:
"How many times have I told you, don't grab the escalator with your hands, why did you grab it again? Didn't you see how thick the dust on it? Look at whether your hands are dirty and black. What should you do if you stuff your hands into your mouth later? What should you do if you forget to wash your hands and eat directly? Wouldn't you get sick? Even if you don't get sick, look at the sleeves so dirty, isn't it difficult for me to wash them?"
I wanted to continue talking in one breath. Bu Niu pouted her mouth, tears rolling in her eyes, and she interrupted me with a grievance: "Mom, don't you love me? Why do you say me again?"
I was stunned. Oh my God, when did I become so long-winded? It's a bit like... Tang Monk.
Children don’t listen, we reason. After the talk, the child still didn't listen. We continued to talk, and the more we talked, the more we talked. There are a lot of truths, but the more children listen, the more impatient they become, the more rebellious they listen, and the more bad they listen, the more they have. What exactly is wrong with
?
1: Parents with low emotional intelligence can keep telling truth
I heard a story from a friend.
Her daughter was sick once, but she really wanted to eat ice cream. In order to persuade her to take medicine, my friend promised that when you recover from your illness, my mother will definitely buy you ice cream.
In order to get the ice cream I was thinking about, my daughter endured the feeling of vomiting and drank all the bitter and unpleasant medicines into her stomach.
Later, my daughter's illness finally cured, and she excitedly pulled her friend to buy ice cream. If you want to eat, eat it. Friends are actually willing to buy it for their children.
, but it is bad. Those days just changed. The weather, which was already sweating, suddenly became cold. The child is just sick, so how can he eat ice in such cold weather?
So, my friend began to persuade him,
, it’s not that you don’t let you take it, it’s really because the weather is too cold, your stomach won’t be able to bear it;
You just know your illness, if you take it at this time, if you get sick, you won’t have to take those bitter medicines again;
You are a big child, you have to be more sensible, how can you be so willful?
My daughter sobbed and told her friend that you would keep reasoning. You don’t know how much I want to eat ice cream. You don’t care about me, you just keep talking about me.
The friend was stunned for a while before she realized that she was anxious to change her mind. She just kept talking about the truth, but forgot to care about the loss and grievance behind the child.
In fact, we should have discovered that reasoning will only push people close to you away little by little.
For example, if you encounter difficulties at work, come back and complain to your partner.But my partner told you that I told you a long time ago, so you shouldn’t have done that; you should have changed a lot, look at your usual performance, can you do your job well? I tell you, you should do this next time, not that...
When faced with these words, are you grateful for his great truth, or are you impatient and feel that the other party doesn’t understand you?
There is a saying in "Parent-Child Communication Password": Our persuasion means the failure of others. The more sufficient our principles, the more dull they appear.
reasoning, but the subtext is actually: "You are wrong, you don't understand, I understand, you have to listen to me."
When a child is obsessed with something, he may have some need that we don't see. It is through stubbornness, rebellion, and other methods to convey his needs to us.
If we can discover needs and understand emotions, things will be much easier.
2: High emotional intelligence mothers will start their children's left and right brains in this way
keeps reasoning. In addition to wasting your saliva, they may also like to mention a "rebellious baby".
So, if you want your child to listen to your "reason", you might as well change the communication method and let the words turn a corner.
① Achievement-oriented method
Our children will inevitably make mistakes. For example, I forgot to bring my homework book, got up late late, broke other people's things, etc.
When we are anxious, we will inevitably be faster than our brains, and words like accusations or "I told you earlier" will blurt out. But these words often do not work, and the child will still make any mistakes afterwards.
If you want your child to stop regretting the past and looking to the future, we might as well use the "achievement-oriented method" to to start the left and right brains of the child to guide him to think about what to do and how to avoid it in the future.
For example, the child is late.
●We first stimulate the child's right brain space and imagination : What is the state of her when you face the teacher?
Let the child think in the direction of good results: want the teacher to be kind and pleased, and want the teacher to accept his explanation.
●Then start the child's left brain for logical analysis : What do you think should be done to make such a picture appear?
Let the child think from the perspective of the teacher’s perspective and think of specific implementation methods: understand the teacher’s emotions, apologize to the teacher, and explain your true situation.
●From the teacher’s perspective, see the results: In addition to listening to your explanation, what do you think the teacher wants are the results?
Inspire children to look at problems from multiple angles and divergent thinking in many aspects: the teacher wants me to not be late next time, so I can tell him my plan to get up early in the future.
has such a thinking process. When a child makes mistakes in the future, the first thing he thinks is not to evade and shirk responsibility, but to use brain thinking to find solutions and preventive solutions from the long run. Methods like
will make children more courageous as they get frustrated, rather than closing their ears to avoid our principles and becoming "invisible".
②Demand-oriented method
《 Positive Discipline 》The author believes that behind every bad behavior of a child, there is a wrong purpose.
For example, in a second-child family, many big babies will get second-children. Dabao may just want to get the attention of his parents, but he doesn't know how to express his needs, so he will do the wrong behavior of "beating someone".
Even if you tell Dabao ten thousand times the truth that "He is your younger brother and sister, you have to love him", his needs have not been met. How can he listen to these truths?
So, if we want to change a child’s behavior, the first thing we need to see is his inner needs.
Like a cloth girl who loves to grab the escalator when she goes out.I changed my strategy and no longer talked about reasoning, but asked directly: Baby, why do you like to grab escalators so much?
After listening to Bu Niu's words, I realized that I really didn't look at the problem from her perspective: she is short and only feels safe when she holds the escalator when she walks; when she encounters a smooth escalator, it's fun to walk and slide.
After seeing the needs of children, can we just satisfy them?
is not!
Because it has his needs, we also have our needs.
I am worried that the escalator will have bacteria, I am worried that the cloth girl will fall, and I am worried that the clothes will be dirty and difficult to wash. These are my needs, I have to say it out and let her know.
Only when we see the needs of both parties and find a method that everyone accepts can we achieve a win-win situation.
Finally, the solution we came up with is: bring a sleeve cover when going out and put it on your hands and sleeves; when you feel insecure, grab your parents' hands; when you encounter an escalator that is too smooth, you need your parents to protect them.
Some things, when you really agree to your child to do it, he may lose interest because he loses your audience.
I have always believed that raising children is a practice.
We cannot be one hundred parents, but we can grow up with our children in our mistakes. We must first be "learning parents" before our children can become "learning children".
What do you think?
[Pictures are from the Internet, invade and delete]
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