Many parents responded:
"Since the child went to kindergarten, the performance of "being arrogant in the nest" when he returned home has become more and more obvious!"
The teacher commented that she was very sensible and well-behaved in kindergarten
But once she got home, she just didn't go well. I just want to throw things,
cry and make a fuss, and say swear words! A 5-year-old girl has a very difficult personality to teach.
The child is only 1 year old and is very timid when he is taken outside. But when he doesn't rely on him, he loses his temper when he gets home. He wants to do whatever he wants.
Sometimes I want to hit him
My big baby is like this, and he is so arrogant at home!
A baby who has gone out for several months can bully her. It's too speechless.
. Adults are often helpless in the face of this state, and they even think in their hearts:
Why is this child two-faced at such a young age? I am really tired, no matter how I educate
Every time I see him being bullied outside, I am so angry next to me! It's useless.
has such a weak personality. I don't know who I learned it from? Who did you learn
? Today I have to say justice to my children! !
01 Parents are "in the nest". The parents who teach children by words are
parents who are in the nest are a disaster for their children throughout their lives.
The point of the disaster is that this kind of parents always like to point the finger at their children. It is useless to scold their children, but never reflect on themselves!
Not long ago, the "happy" father and son in " Happiness to Wanjia " is a typical example. (I was so angry that my hands were trembling)
At the wedding of his son Wang Qing, the villagers had a very serious marriage, and some even pulled his wife and sister's clothes!
At this time, Wang Qinglai was very weak and incompetent. He thought this was not a big deal and did not dare to say a word to the person pulling clothes. did not find a way to help save the situation. Instead, he chose to be tolerant, silent, and let his sister-in-law be bullied. .
And my wife couldn't swallow this, so she picked up the bench and hit the man's head with a violent blow!
Unexpectedly, my father-in-law Wang Youde said:
"Do you know who you smashed just now?"
(That person is a wealthy family with power and power in Murakami who can cover the sky with one hand)
The old couple Wang Youde went to the other party's house to apologize. As a result, an annoying scene came:
Before he could reach the door, his father-in-law became timid and hid behind his wife. If my wife hadn't spoken, he wouldn't have said a word. A simple sideways give way fully exposed his true "cowardly" personality. When you encounter something, you have no opinion and just want to hide in the sand like an ostrich.
It can be said that the impact of parents on their children is subtle, and children are a mirror of parents! If parents do not realize their own problems, force their children to make changes and blame them all day long, then the problem will never be solved!
For example, this mother:
obviously hates children, and hopes that the child can fight back when bullied
but admits that she is also a slut, so the child will follow her
In terms of educating children, it must not be targeted at the child alone. Parents’ own role model power is the most important thing to ignore.
02 A family environment makes children actively become "in-law"
In addition to the problems of parents themselves, it is more often caused by "inconsistent education for the whole family" !
This phenomenon is particularly prone to occur in families with elderly people taking care of their children:
A fan once left a message saying:
@Amy 5 minutes ago:
Once a child did something wrong and was hit by me in the palm of his hand. Cried. Then his grandmother came over, patted my shoulder hard and said, "Phone, hit mom!"
Although the child was only over 2 years old at that time, I remembered from that time that as long as I disagree with him doing dangerous things (such as: plugging the socket by yourself), he would come over and hit me and say: Grandma teaches me I beat my mom.
Later I became angry and said to his grandmother: "When I was a child, I had tenosynovitis , and you didn't want to hug him! Now when I teach my child, you come and go against me and pretend to be a good person in front of the child. ? Please don’t interfere when I teach my children in the future, otherwise I will not be polite to you! ”
There are countless things that go against me. For example: the child screams loudly, I say that screaming will ruin my throat, and his grandmother says it’s okay, screaming to exercise lung capacity. The child imitated his father to curse people, but I didn’t allow him. She said it’s okay to scold grandma, but I said it’s not okay to scold anyone!
This is a typical case where "inconsistent education for the whole family" leads to children being prone to being in a nanny.
Elderly people tend to have some excessive pampering behaviors when taking care of their children. Doing so will break the rules and allow children to feel that they have a backer at all times.
In a state of no bottom line, how children lose their temper at home, how they act wildly, and how they become kings are all allowed by default.
Solution: Unified parenting principles
Let children understand that everything has rules, and family is no exception. In this way, you can adapt to the rules and systems of kindergartens and other places, and you will not become a double-faced person!
- Beat and scold adults and disrespect elders - it is absolutely not allowed! Whenever a child has such behavior, parents must educate him seriously to let his children realize their mistakes.
- rolled around and insisted on buying toys - we made an agreement with our children before going to the mall to buy only one toy, or bypass the toy area to fundamentally eliminate temptation.
In families where the elderly are mainly taking care of their children, parents should communicate more with their elders and keep their attitude towards their children as consistent as possible. lets children know their behavioral boundaries, and they will not try to break through the adult's bottom line of patience just because someone protects him.
03 Children who first entered society did not know how to socialize
. The reason for our cowardice outside should also be found.
For children, home is a "comfort zone". Crying, tantrums, and rolling around at home can be protected, but it won’t work outside.
So once you leave the "comfort zone" at home, you will feel unfamiliar and naturally want to escape. At the same time, he has not learned how to interact with others and is not clear about how to start, so he is very uneasy and shows a very cowardly state.
At this time, we parents need to provide social guidance.
① Follow the rhythm of children
Take children out as much as possible, so that children can contact more people and new things, and learn to adapt to the new environment.
1. Observe and imitate first: You can take your children to observe next to you first and see how other children interact and communicate. Imitation is also a step in learning.When a child has enough understanding of the people or things around him, he may develop the desire to participate.
2. Promote it appropriately: For example, based on the field of interest or expertise in, find opportunities for the child to perform. This requires parents to understand the psychological needs behind the child's behavior. Don’t use our ideas to force your children to do something, but follow their own pace. blind boost may backfire↓↓↓
When boosting, remember to encourage your child, "You can" and "You are great", etc., and he will most likely "take a step forward" bravely under your guidance!
②Don't label the child
When the child looks particularly careful outside, don't rush to change him and ask him to be "generous". For example:
When you see someone you know, you force your child to say hello. It is impolite not to say hello.
should play with other children more, otherwise it would be unsociable.
Force the child to do something you think you are practicing social skills will make the child feel stressed and may backfire, making him more afraid of socializing and dare not express his thoughts clearly.
Many times children do not achieve the results we expected, so we subconsciously label children such as "irrespectful", "cowardly", "disobedient", and "unprivileged". This is also wrong.
When you label your child, the child repeatedly accepts such psychological hints and will really think that he is just disobedient, impolite, and timid, which will affect the child's future personality development.
So, let children no longer be afraid of strange environments. First, accept the child's emotions and understand his psychology. Don't label the child some bad labels at will, and then let him let go of his fear and try to socialize. Coward.
Finally, I want to say that whether it is "inside the nest" or "coward outside" is not like a cold or sick, and the right medicine can be cured. Parenting problems require more patience and guidance, which is a long-lasting flow of water. process.
Please believe that children are the gift of time, and the love and time you give will not be disappointed!
