Introduction I saw this passage in a teacher’s circle of friends last week:
html Before the age of 27, home is everything for the child; 7-12 years old, home is at night;
13-18 years old, home is the weekend; 18-22 years old , home is the winter and summer vacations;
After the age of 22, home is the Spring Festival...
couldn't help but sigh at that time: The time spent with children is only a few years. Once you miss it, you will never come back... ..
"The grass and trees will sprout, the children will grow up, and the train of time will not stop for anyone..."
Last year, the child entered junior high school, and he was a proper adolescent child. Looking back at the more than ten years I spent with him, I am glad that I did not miss any of his previous moments - I did not miss it, so I was able to have the wonderful experience of getting along with him in adolescence...
To "demean" me For fun
When my child was young, I, the mother-in-law, was an omnipotent superman in his heart:
I would tell him stories, sing and dance, play various chess and ball games with him, ride a bike with him and see the world with him. , can cook three delicious meals a day, and find solutions to his "one hundred thousand whys". Even when he is sick, he doesn't take injections, take medicine, or go to the hospital. He always adds "ancestral secret recipes" to my mother's massage. It's done, and it's more effective than taking medicine and injections...
No matter what happens, the child will come to me immediately - because his father is at work and can only come to me. A look in my eyes is far better than his father’s ten or a hundred words of truth. That kind of conviction not only makes me feel that my position in his heart is very important, but also makes me a little worried. Therefore, I often consciously Set up a father's role model in front of him and encourage his father to spend more time with him.
Gradually, as he grew up day by day, my "important status" gradually decreased or even "disappeared". First, the mantra changed from two years ago:
From "Mom is the most powerful" to "Mom is the best." "Big fool", they often say that my mother is very naive and has low EQ and IQ...
still enjoys praising my father for "belittling" me:
"My father's IQ is 125 and my mother's IQ is 2.5... ...."
"Everything my father said was a philosophical quote, but my mother said many words without a single famous quote."
"My mother can't beat me in chess now, and she can't beat me in basketball. Dad won't come back. I have no rivals. "
"My father's cooking is still delicious, but my mother's cooking is inedible. It's not cooked yet."
Usually at this time, my father will ask him immediately without me having to say anything. : How can I raise you so well without cooking? !
He usually smiles: My stomach is good...
Every time, I can only eat a lot: it's delicious, we are so lucky...
Then I found out, In the past two years, my father has been very enthusiastic about cooking. Every time he takes a break during holidays, he happily takes the initiative to buy food and cook a variety of rich and delicious dishes for us (check Baidu for many), including making dumplings. Every time the food is served, the child starts to rate the food cooked by his father. Usually the score is tens of thousands or even tens of millions. He also expresses his feelings: It’s great that my father is back. Normally, my mother never cooks such rich dishes for me. The dishes...
The father of a child who occasionally went to the kitchen before has made rapid progress in cooking in the past two years and has become the "number one chef" in his eyes.
I used to think that my level was really not good, so I was happy to eat ready-made food every weekend. Until one time I asked him:
Are you too partial? You pay tens of thousands for every dish your dad cooks. I have scored tens of millions of dollars, but I have never scored more than 100 points for your mother. How can you put me, who has been doing this for more than ten years, into such an embarrassing situation? ? If this continues, your mother and I will lose all our energy...
He laughed loudly: Mom, don’t be discouraged. Your level is still the best. I won’t give you high marks mainly because I’m afraid of your pride, right? As for my dad, I mainly use to appreciate and educate ...
At that moment, I burst out laughing...
I broke the casserole and asked the truth
Usually when children encounter problems, they like to discuss them with us, but For more than a year, I preferred to talk to my dad. Suddenly one day he came to me:
One afternoon two days before the start of junior high school, we were all reading.
He suddenly asked me: Mom, I have always had a question I want to discuss with you...
I felt secretly happy in my heart: Hehe, you finally realized that your mother still has a few days left! ——Because for more than a year, I have been "despised" by him almost all the time. So he said confidently: OK, what's the problem?
He said doubtfully: I have never understood why you are always so perfect in dad’s eyes, but why do I feel that you are not perfect? Why is this?
I was "dizzy" for a moment...
After a few seconds of mental construction, I calmly replied: Maybe you and dad have different standards and expectations for me. What do you think?
"Well, not entirely." After saying that, he fell into deep thought...
After dinner, he came over from the desk and said to me with a smile: Mom, the issue I am discussing with you today, Zhu Guangqian Lao The gentleman told me the answer!
"Oh? How did Mr. Zhu Guangqian answer?"
He handed me a book and told me to read the second paragraph. The content is as follows:
There is a saying in popular sayings: "Lover" There is beauty in the eyes. "The appreciation of beauty is very similar to " Platonic love". When you first taste the taste of love, the woman who was originally made of ordinary flesh and blood becomes your fairy. She has everything you want in a woman. At this time, she is no longer her original self in your eyes but a transformation that has been idealized by you. You first brew up a perfect woman in your ideal, and then ejaculate her into your lover, so your lover is actually just the body of the spirit. You only see the elves, so you think they are flawless; others look on coldly and see only the body, so they are often surprised and say: "It's really strange that he fell in love with her." In a word, the object of love is already art. Transformed nature. (Zhu Guangqian's "Twelve Letters to Youth")
At the end, he did not forget to say: Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder...
I laughed out loud at that moment...
He can find it by himself A reasonable explanation would be nice. Fortunately, I was able to adjust my emotions at that time, guide him to think for himself, respect and trust the child, which gave him the confidence to find the answer and direction for himself.
has a good temper.
The biggest change this year is that he has a good temper. For example, a normal question from me would sometimes make him furious, shouting, "It's so annoying!" "Don't you know, don't you know!?" ..... ......
At this time, I usually don't say anything and just walk quietly to read a book.After a while, he came to me and called me affectionately, and then found something to praise me when he had nothing to say...
I took this opportunity to chat with him, asked him the reason for his anger, and told me what he said just now. Give me my feelings and let him think about how to express his feelings without hurting others...
Also at the beginning of this year, I got up late twice (the alarm clock rang but I didn’t hear it) , jumped up from the bed, and shouted at me while putting on clothes: Why didn't you call me earlier? ! Make me late! ! ! ......
Seeing him in a hurry, I wouldn't say anything to him at this time. After he went to school, I sat down and wrote him a note quietly to express my understanding. empathize with 's feelings, and tell him how this approach makes others feel, teach him how to express his feelings correctly, help him analyze the reasons, and propose improvement methods for his reference.
When he got home from school, after reading the note, he would smile at me sheepishly and take the initiative to apologize to me. After two attempts, similar problems never occurred again.
During adolescence, children become more temperamental and sometimes deliberately antagonize adults. These are characteristics of their body and mind - they are characteristics, not shortcomings.
Always remember: When a child loses his temper, we will always be the one to "put out the fire".
No matter what happens, parents are always the first to make emotional adjustments.
When children occasionally act "disobedient" at home, we deal with them calmly and with respect. This is to let children learn in actual conflicts:
When others are rude, still choose to respect.
Children learn how to view themselves and how to treat others from the way we treat them.
Thanks to the child, in the process of accompanying him to grow, we have also grown.
