When I was reading the book "You Are Your Child's Toy", the book mentioned that there are four misunderstandings in emotional guidance, and the third misunderstanding is: "using external incentives and rewards." Oh my God! [Shocked][Shocked] When we parents educate our children, don’t we always say that if you do something well, we will reward you with something? I am sure that among young parents, at least 70% of them use external incentives or negative threats . [smile][smile]
The book says that using this kind of reward to coax children to cooperate is not a good model. There are some things that children must learn to do as they grow up. Don't force your children to complete them before they have reached that stage.
In study, work or life, we must act according to the rules every moment, so we also have the responsibility to let our children know that they should do the right thing even if there is no reward. External rewards alone cannot be sustainable. External rewards must be in line with the child's physical and mental development stage. To promote the child's long-term development, only internal incentives can be sustainable. Because there are many tasks that are without rewards. For example: when a child learns to put on clothes and tie shoelaces for the first time, these are the most basic skills for children. They must be mastered at this stage of growth and cannot be obtained by rewards. [Small applause][Small applause][Small applause]
However, I think sometimes, appropriately rewarding children will increase their confidence and eliminate inner anxiety. So as to face the specific environment calmly. Of course, this kind of reward is not necessarily a material reward. In a word, a hug is encouragement and affirmation for the child. For example: My daughter went to get vaccinated in the hospital. She knew that the vaccine would hurt and she would cry. After it's over, I will say that you are brave, you defeated the virus villain, and you are a little hero. She stopped crying immediately. [Like] [Like] [Like] [Rose] [Rose]
We adults must know that giving gifts is not connected with the child's behavior. It is simply given to the child because of the love of the parents. We love children, no matter what they give Whether we give him gifts or take him out to play, it's all because he is our child, not because of what he does well or badly. If we use various rewards, whether money or toys, to lure children to do something from an early age, then the child will slowly lose the joy and passion to actually do it. Allowing children to truly participate in life is based on a good parent-child relationship. Only in this way can a long-term and healthy relationship be established.
A better strategy is to spend time with our children for a long time, but this is difficult for most working parents to do. Paying attention to children may be more important than giving physical objects. However, the problem comes again. In the process of urging children to learn, the child will ask for rewards, which will make him more eager to complete the learning task . At this time, , friends, how should we deal with it? We sincerely look forward to your comments, let us make progress and discuss together! [smile][smile][rose][rose]
