Some time ago, I had dinner with a friend who is a teacher, and she told me such a thing.
A new student was transferred to their class. She had heard before that this child had already transferred to two schools, but he had not stayed for a long time.
At first, she thought it might be due to her parents' job changes and other reasons, and she had to change schools frequently. Later she found out that the student's mother wanted to accompany her to school.
Afterwards, my friend visited the studentās mother to find out more about the studentās situation, and then he understood the reason why the mother insisted on accompanying him to study.
She said: "Our family conditions are pretty good, so my father concentrates on making money, and I am responsible for taking good care of the child and letting him concentrate on studying."
Therefore, under the careful "care" of his mother, this student can do nothing but study. My mother washes my daily clothes, and my mother prepares meals and puts them on the desk.
This habit has persisted since the child was in kindergarten.
Although his grades can be ranked above average in the class, he is usually taciturn, lacks independent opinions, and does not play with his classmates.
Friends have also talked to parents many times, hoping that parents can pay attention to the cultivation of children's self-care ability so that their children can have a healthy personality.
But mothers always feel that: childrenās learning is the most important, and other things can wait until later...
Every parent loves their children and is doing it for their childrenās good, but they donāt know that these good things completely deprive their children of what they should be. The rights they enjoy also lay the foundation for the future growth and development of their children.
Parents who truly love their children can not only give their children meticulous love and security when they are young, but also let go in time and let the children go on their own as the children grow up.
As parents, we all understand that children can fly higher and see further only by flying with their own wings.
All far-sighted parents know that independence is the most precious spiritual wealth in a child's life; it is also the best adult gift for a child.
01
Love is sometimes cruel.
Only when parents are determined and take a step back can their children take a big step towards independence.
In the animal world, many animals understand this truth.
For example, how does an eagle nurture and train its eaglets?
Before hatching the eaglets, the female eagle will build a nest on a cliff. She will bring some thorns and put them on the bottom, then she will bring some sharp pebbles and spread them on the thorns, and then she will bring withered grass, feathers or animal skins to cover them. On top of the pebbles, make a nest where eggs can be hatched.
After the eaglet hatches, the mother eagle will take bugs and meat to her baby on time and feed it carefully.
However, when the little eagle grew up and its feathers became more abundant, the mother eagle realized that it was time for her child to learn to be independent.
Then, the dead grass and feathers in the nest were lifted up, revealing the stones and thorns underneath. The little eagle was screamed by these sharp thorns, but the mother eagle still insisted on driving the little eagle away.
In desperation, the little eagle could only reluctantly spread its wings and escape, leaving the nest and flying solo.
Some eagle mothers are even more "ruthless". They will take their eaglets to a high place on the cliff and then throw them down directly. Some eaglets will even be thrown to death by their mother eagles because they are timid.
But the training of the mother eagle does not end here. The eaglets that successfully fly will face a new test, which is that most of the bones of the wings are broken by the mother eagle.
This determines whether the little eagle can fly higher in the future and whether it can soar freely in the vast sky.
Although the process is full of pain and blood, the eagle mother understands that without such training, the child will not be able to fly high into the blue sky, and will also starve to death because it is difficult to catch food.
The female eagle will not let the eaglet hide comfortably in the nest just because she can fly and have the ability to find food, but will teach it the ability to survive herself.
This is a kind of intellectual love.
02
recently watched a video about the selfless love of parents for their children. Many people were extremely moved by the family love in the video, but if you look carefully, you will find the common problems hidden behind Chinese parents.
A boy in his 20s was studying abroad alone. Because he wanted to get together with friends, he was preparing to make a dish of scrambled eggs with tomatoes , but found that he couldn't even beat eggs, so he asked his mother for help:
"The first thing is Put tomatoes or eggs first?ā
His mother sent him several voice messages, but he still couldnāt understand.
In desperation, his parents could only cook in person and record a video and send it to him.
Following the video, the boy finally made this dish and was praised by his friends.
This is a very warm story that makes people feel that no matter where they are, their parents' love is always there.
But there is another detail, and that is the time difference. When the boy asked his mother for help, it was 4:20 in the morning in China.
This 20-year-old boy could not even cook a simple dish of scrambled eggs with tomatoes, and he did not even think of looking up the recipe online. Instead, he woke his parents up in the early hours of the morning and taught him how to cook.
His parents also worked tirelessly to get up and record videos for their son, but they did not realize whether they had paid too much for their children.
In addition, through this behavior, we can also see the usual way parents educate their children: Putting children first in everything; doing too much for children; failing to cultivate children's ability to be independent.
Parents who will not let go and hinder their children's independence are very common in life.
They devote all their love to their children and take care of them meticulously, but ignore the children's own growth needs, so that when the children grow up, they will not know how to do housework, wash clothes, or even take care of themselves. It develops the laziness of children and the "gnawing at the old" behavior of relying on their parents as a matter of course.
The most comfortable distance between parents and children is when the parents take a step back, the children take a step forward, and they are responsible for their own lives.
03
American psychologist Wendy Mogel once said:
"When parents try their best to prevent their children from experiencing discomfort, when they grow up, they will not know how to face normal setbacks."
In other words, parents Depriving children of the opportunity to grow.
Every far-sighted parent should understand that independence is the key to a child's success.
Just like the "Prince of figure skating" Yuzuru Hanyu, who has attracted much attention in all Winter Olympics , when he was learning skating as a child, he did not always like it. He once started training in less than ten minutes. Bored.
But his parents did not reprimand him, but asked him: "Do you really like skating?"
Yuzuru Hanyu told his father that he didn't like it very much anymore.
My father said: "If you don't like skating, you can give up."
It was from this moment on that Yuzuru Hanyu thought seriously and made the decision to continue skating.
His parents did not make decisions for him, but took a step back and gave him the right to choose and make decisions on his own, which in turn inspired Hanyu Yuzuru's motivation.
Letting children be independent does not only mean independence in life, but more importantly, independence in spirit.
Children are not flowers that need to stay in a greenhouse forever, but saplings that grow in the wild.
When children were young, they may need the strong bodies of their parents to protect their children from wind and rain, but at a certain point, if parents do not let their children be free, it will prevent their children from absorbing nutrients, enjoying the sun, and using wind and rain to exercise their bodies.
Only after experiencing the test of wind, frost, rain and dew can it grow into a towering tree.
Therefore, parents need to let go in time, give their children freedom, and cultivate their children's ability to be independent.
As parents, we only need to be the supporters and encouragers behind our children. When our children need it, we will appear in time to give them advice.
Loosening your hands and watching your children travel far away alone is the best love that parents can give their children!
