Recently, I have been receiving inquiries from parents, sharing their challenges and confusions in the parenting process. A large proportion of these challenges and confusions are conflicts with grandparents on parenting concepts. I've had it myself. I once yelled at my child’s g

Recently, I have been receiving inquiries from parents, talking about the challenges and confusions in the parenting process. A large proportion of these challenges and confusions are the conflicts between and grandparents in their parenting concepts.

I have experienced it myself. I once shouted to my child’s grandmother because she interfered with her child in some ways that I thought were “wrong”: “They are my children! I have the final say...”

Since we need help from our grandparents for various reasons.” "Let me help you", or even live with your grandparents, then, once you have come, you can make peace with it. Think about how we can find the balance between three generations in real situations?

1. Be grateful and accept differences

First of all, the elderly have no obligation to help us take care of our children. Therefore, no matter what the purpose is for helping us take care of our children now, we should be grateful.

Having a grateful heart can also make you more tolerant.
There is a "belief-feeling-behavior" system in positive discipline. Everyone has different beliefs, so when faced with the same thing, they may have different feelings, and different feelings and beliefs prompt us to behave differently. Judging from the example we often encounter of whether to feed a child or let the child eat by himself, the grandma may be anxious and she will feed the child.

Grandma’s belief/idea may be that food is spread everywhere and it’s too much trouble to clean up. The mother may be calm and let the child eat on its own. The mother’s belief/idea is that children can eat by themselves if they can, train hand-eye coordination, and promote brain development. Whose belief is more correct?
There is no right or wrong in beliefs, they are all one person’s subjective thoughts. Therefore, everyone has his own belief, and everyone’s life experience deserves to be respected. Think about ourselves again. Some of the concepts and habits we have formed over thirty years cannot be changed. How can we make a sixty or seventy year old man change them?

2. Lower expectations and be yourself

There is a very popular saying that ideals are full but reality is skinny. The gap between expectations and reality is directly proportional to our stress.

Just think about it, is it easy for us to lower our expectations? Or is it easier to elevate reality?

Grandma Weibo is a person who loves to be clean and tidy. Xiaoshu's saliva towels, small gauze towels and other small pieces will be washed in time, dried in time, folded in time and placed in a corner of the sofa. Whenever I need them, I will pick them up there.

But I am not good at storage. After I use the saliva towel gauze towel, I will just put it in the place where I breastfeed, or on the sofa or bed. Grandma would wash it, dry it, fold it, and put it in the corner of the sofa.

Over time, I also formed this habit. Put these used small items in the washbasin in the bathroom so that grandma can wash them easily. Sometimes I will wash, dry and fold them in time.
Grandma did not ask me to change, she did it herself. When she did well, the people around her also changed. Similarly, regarding the education of my children, I did my part. Later, I discovered that the way grandma communicated with her children had also changed. She can also empathize , know how to hug, and knows many positive discipline tools.

3. Connect first, then correct

Although the elderly have their own set of inherent ideas, they are not unchangeable. It's just that they don't know the meaning of that thing. If you really want to "correct" them, remember to "connect" first.

I found that when my grandma was painting with Weibo, she would teach him to draw some vivid rabbits, fish, etc., and the knowledge I absorbed was that children as young as 2 years old can just doodle at will.

Teaching him image painting too early is not conducive to maintaining his imagination and creativity. I walked over and said, "Grandma's drawing of the little rabbit looks so good!" Grandma was very happy to hear it. This is connection.Then I said: "xx experts said that for children of this age, just let them draw by themselves, which will be of great benefit to their imagination and creativity. If you teach him to draw this rabbit , he will only draw the rabbit you taught him to draw."

In this way, grandma also realized this and stopped teaching her children to draw vividly. He even reminded his grandfather not to teach his children to draw figurative paintings. Connection before Correction.Connect first, then correct.

4. Family meetings, everyone is equal

A harmonious family environment not only lays a good foundation for educating children, this atmosphere itself is a kind of education.

How to build a harmonious and equal family atmosphere, Positive Discipline has a tool called "Family Meeting" that can help.

In a family meeting in our family, I said: "Thank you grandma for getting up the earliest every day, sweeping and mopping the floor, cooking three meals a day for us, making complementary food for the little tree, and washing the little tree's clothes, so that I don't have to worry about the little tree. "Thank you, grandpa, for taking the little tree outdoors every morning and afternoon to bask in the sun. It's all thanks to you that he grows strong." After saying this, the old man felt very happy. Happy.

feels better and is more willing to pay and cooperate. In the family meeting brainstorming session, everyone can express their opinions without worrying about being judged. The final full name vote was chosen. Because everyone participated, the execution level was also high.
Our family held a family meeting to discuss the week's recipes, division of housework, how often mom and dad use mobile phones after get off work, etc. In a family atmosphere of equality and respect, everyone can find a sense of value and belonging.
We love our children, and we hope that our children will grow up healthy and happy, so we won’t worry about parenting conflicts. If we resolve these "conflicts" with love and wisdom, what can our children learn from them? I think he will definitely have the character and beautiful qualities you want him to have to succeed in life.

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