When it comes to "jealousy", I guess many parents are familiar with the various shortcomings of their children:
casually praised other people's children, and their own children pouted and looked angry.
When you see a neighbor's chubby baby, your mother wants to hug it, but the child pulls your clothes with an aggrieved look, "Mom, don't hug him"...
As soon as the child's jealousy arises, we as parents will Busy being a "judge", judging cases for children, and comforting children in various ways, it's really a bit exhausting!
Many people think that the word jealousy is a dark and unspeakable emotion. In Shakespeare 's writings, jealousy is a monster with green eyes. In our traditional Chinese concept, a jealous person is like having "pink eye" and cannot see good things in others.
Why do children feel jealous at a young age?
What is jealousy? psychologists said: When you find that others have something that you dream of but cannot get, you will have a kind of jealousy, which usually occurs in comparisons between people.
To give a simple example, for example, there is a bunch of grapes that you really want to eat, but you are worried that you will not be able to eat them, so you tell the person next to you that these grapes are very sour, don’t eat them. This is jealousy.
Research by Canadian psychologist Sonia Marshoki found that babies will show jealous emotions and behaviors around 8 months old. They conducted an experiment in which mothers were asked to hold another unfamiliar baby in front of their own babies. Now the babies were full of reluctance, some were crying loudly, and some wanted to reach out for their mother to hold them, hoping to attract their mother's attention through crying.
From this perspective, jealousy is more like an instinct, and children are born with jealousy. In addition, as the child's self-awareness develops, the child will think that when the mother pays attention to other children, his position in the mother's heart is squeezed out. It can also be seen from this that jealousy is also an emotion inspired by children in order to prove their existence and needs.
How does child jealousy happen?
As children grow up, their self-need becomes very strong, and they often understand themselves by comparing with their peers. During the comparison, if others are better than themselves, jealousy will arise.
Psychology Smith found that there are generally four conditions for jealousy to occur:
① Similarity
People who can make children feel jealous are generally children of the same age. For example, when it comes to academic performance, junior high school students will not compare with elementary school students. Generally, the objects that can arouse children's jealousy are mostly their peers.
② Relevance
Things that cause children to be jealous are generally closely related to their study and life. We are all in the same classroom. If you study well, you will be praised by the teacher. I am not, but I really want the teacher's praise. This is how jealousy grows.
③ Low control
If there is no way to get something that the child likes very much, it will also arouse the child's jealousy. For example, if a classmate has many beautiful stickers but refuses to give me one, then the child will become jealous.
On the contrary, if the child feels that this thing can be obtained through hard work, it can greatly alleviate the child's jealousy and cultivate the child to become a positive person.
④Subjective sense of fairness
means that children feel that they are in an unfair environment and will easily feel jealous. For example, mother gave Dabao and Erbao an apple each, but Dabao shouted: It's not fair, my brother's apple is bigger than mine.
How to help children get rid of jealousy
After discovering the jealousy of children, we parents may feel that it is particularly bad to be jealous of others. This is a harmful emotion. We must nip this emotion in our children in the cradle and cannot let it go. It grows wildly. We can start from the following points. Gradually help children get rid of jealousy.
1. Don’t compare your children with others
Some parents always like to say, “Look at other people’s children. They got 100 points in every test. How about you? You only got 90 points. Their paintings won the first prize. You What is this picture? "Actually, every child has his own strengths. Don't always compare your children's shortcomings with other people's strengths. This is obviously unreasonable. When praising other people's children, don't forget to encourage your own children and let them understand that everyone has their own advantages and strengths.
Psychologists have also said that children who lack self-confidence are often more likely to be jealous . Therefore, our family should help children see their own strengths, praise and understand them more, this will greatly increase their self-confidence and self-esteem, and keep them away from jealousy.
2. Guide children to participate more in group activities
Psychological research shows that if people are in a negative mood for a long time, they will easily become depressed and sick. Therefore, we parents can take our children to participate in more group activities, so that children can vent their frustrations in group activities. In this process, they can learn to cooperate and share with others, and their spiritual life will become enriched and emotionally happy. , the child will gradually relax his mind and reduce his jealousy.
3. Set a good example for your children.
In our daily lives, everything we say and do will affect the growth of our children. Behind a jealous parent, there must be a jealous child.
First of all, we must develop an open-minded character ourselves and not always worry about trivial matters. Under the influence of a good role model, children will stay away from jealousy, become healthy physically and mentally, and become more positive as they grow.
4. Cultivate the quality of tolerance in children
When children are jealous, they are often "I"-centered, letting everyone revolve around them. When they are not satisfied, they become jealous, often because of trivial things and other children. It was very tense.
To eliminate this phenomenon, parents should guide their children well, cultivate their children's tolerance, and strengthen their children's self-moral cultivation. Children must learn to accept, understand, and trust others. With an open mind, children can not only discover the many advantages of others, but also be tolerant of others' shortcomings.
5. Improve children’s understanding of jealousy
Help children correctly understand jealousy. Under normal circumstances, this is a very normal psychological state. The desire in jealousy will make you motivated, while destructive jealous emotions and behaviors will harm others and yourself. There are two classic examples that you can talk about with your children. In the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Zhou Yu got into trouble because he was jealous of Zhuge Liang. On the contrary, the "harmony between generals and prime ministers" between Lian Po and Lin Xiangru resolved their jealousy, and eventually the two turned their hostility into friendship.
Jealousy is an unavoidable problem in children's growth. It is not that terrible. The key is that we should guide our children to overcome it. Let us use patience and love to turn the sourness in our children's hearts into the sweetness of life.
