A British writer once said: "One boy causes more trouble than twelve girls." In the process of raising children, many parents have discovered that boys are more active, while girls are quieter.
As the mother of a boy, I know this very well. Whenever I see him running around outside or making a mess at home, I feel angry and wonder why they have endless energy and never know how tired they are. What is it.
Perhaps it is due to the influence of traditional cognition. We tend to raise boys more harshly than girls. We always use stern words to stop their behavior and worry that they will get hurt. However, you will find that even if you say it many times, they seem to Turning a deaf ear to it, and rushing into danger wherever it is, makes many parents who raise boys very anxious, and sometimes even doubt whether their children's behavior is normal?
After reading this book "Wild Parenting: The Road from Boy to Manhood", I realized that the traditional parenting method is only taming boys. The correct parenting method should stimulate their natural wildness.
When I first got this book, the children were particularly interested when they saw the boy in the book: Mom, why is this brother so colorful? It’s so fun. What kind of book is this?
I smiled and said: This is a book about how to get to know you. I hope you can play around and do what you want as freely as this little brother.
The child tilted his head and seemed to understand.
The authors of this book are two psychological counselors. They have a lot of consulting case experience in raising boys. They also raise multiple boys themselves, so many of the contents in the book directly hit the pain points of parents, and the suggestions given are also Very practical. Of course, it is even more rare that the two mothers fully considered the complexity of raising children and did not give absolutely clear operation methods. Instead, they built a framework for parents to use flexibly based on the characteristics of their children. They must know the process of raising children and It is not a matter of molding one's nature, but a process of guiding and educating one's nature.
In terms of content, the book is divided into three parts:
Part One, "Accompany him through the five stages of growth."
From the perspective of growth and development, the author divides the process of a boy from being conceived to growing into a man into five stages - explorer (2-4 years old), lover (5-8 years old), independent person (9-12 years old) ), Prowler (13-17 years old), and Fighter (18-22 years old), patiently interpret the growth characteristics and needs of boys at each stage, and give some practical suggestions to help parents communicate better with their children. interactive.
Parents can choose the corresponding chapter according to the age of their children. Of course, I recommend reading it from the beginning, because during the reading process, you will find that the child's rebellious behavior in the past actually has its origin, and for boys, it is not It is not that when it transitions to the next stage, the needs of the previous stage will disappear. On the contrary, his needs will only become more and more intense. By understanding the previous stages, parents can better help parents find deficiencies in their children's needs and make up for them in a timely manner. And the author also said that the age range set for each stage of development is actually just a broad parameter.
My boy is currently in the explorer stage. The characteristics of boys at this stage are that they can't stop, are curious about everything, are very active, and behave aggressively. For example, they always cry before going to bed. Of course, they still have a certain degree of autonomy and always think, "I can do it myself, I can do it." For example, today the children cracked eggs by themselves. Even if the egg liquid was sprayed on their faces, they still wanted to do it by themselves.
Children at this stage need clear boundaries, open space, inertia and understanding. Because they cannot control their emotions and have difficulty concentrating, parents raising boys at this stage should give clear instructions when interacting with their children and not confuse them, such as "You can play for 5 minutes" and It’s not like, “You can play for a while.” In order to let them release their energy, take them to do more outdoor sports. Of course, don’t be stingy with your praise. When your children complete a small goal, give them positive praise in a timely manner.
Another thing to pay special attention to is that when disciplining children, don't just skip the cause and give the child a result directly because he is still young and cannot understand. This is not conducive to the child's understanding of the correlation between cause and effect, and also makes the child think that there are too many parents. Special treatment, for example, if you confiscate your child's toys, you can explain to your child: Because you threw the toys away while playing with them today and did not take good care of them, the toys cannot be played with today and will be confiscated. If things go on like this, it will be easy for your children to understand why you do this.
In the process of understanding children's growth stages, I think the biggest gain is that we can be more tolerant . In the past, we may have heard children say: This is mine, don't touch it. I always wonder why this child is so selfish. Looking at it now, this is just the child clarifying boundaries. When you encounter a child who has his own set of dressing procedures every day, and must put on socks first and then pants, you won’t think why the child is so stubborn, because you know that this is the child establishing his own sense of order and stability. sex.
The book lists the characteristics of children at each stage in detail, as well as some practical parenting suggestions relative to the stages. Parents can appropriately adjust the mode of getting along with boys and their parenting methods based on these. More importantly, passes Understand the characteristics of children, parents should give them full understanding and respect, rather than putting them in a framework that is inappropriate for their age for the sake of "it is good for him".
Part Two, "What He Was Thinking: About the Boy's Intelligence."
The author starts from the brain and body structure of boys to let us understand the differences between boys and girls and treat boys' behavior correctly.
For example, why do girls calm down more easily? It turns out that women’s brains secrete more serotonin , which is directly related to impulse control, and the brain areas responsible for high-level cognition in girls’ brains develop earlier. So girls tend to engage in less impulsive behavior than boys.
Many people also say that boys have better spatial thinking and girls have stronger language skills. In fact, this is also related to brain development.
In addition, when it comes to learning, most boys are kinesthetic learners, so they prefer hands-on operations.
In general, boys tend to:
- Understand the sense of space rather than relationships
- Perceive objects rather than faces
- Behaviorally oriented rather than focusing on processes
The author also gives several suggestions for these unique characteristics of boys. ：
1. Don’t overwhelm him with words or emotions, because he cannot process words and emotions quickly, so when communicating with him, the language should be concise and to the point.
2. When children behave inappropriately, we encourage them to experience "physical consequences" instead of blindly shielding or rescuing them. You can make a labor list for ease of use.
3. After the child has suffered the natural consequences, don’t just preach or humiliate him, “I told you before, but you didn’t listen, so it’s okay now.” Try to let experience teach him.
4. Promote focused kinesthetic learning. Because children are kinesthetic learners, we can fill the home with toys such as , Lego, , puzzles, and tracks, so that they have enough space to stretch their bodies and exercise spatial thinking.
As the saying goes, Only by prescribing the right medicine can the disease be cured. The same goes for raising boys. Understanding and appreciating a boy's brain is an important foundation for raising a boy well. At the same time, it can also provide parents with another answer to the question of "what is he thinking?"
The third part, "Into the inner world of boys"
The author emphasizes the emotional, spiritual and moral development of boys in this chapter, and understands the correct way to get along with them.
Many times, parents always think that taking care of their children's food, clothing, housing and transportation is enough, but in fact, what is more important is to nourish their children's soul. For boys, if their souls are not cared for, they will wander in the wasteland of self-centeredness and immaturity instead of entering the promised land of true manhood. They also need someone to guide their spiritual development. .
Psychology believes that as human beings, we have two basic demands. The first is to live out ourselves, and the second is to be seen by others in interpersonal relationships.
If you want to love a boy well, you must first learn to "see" him. "The Little Prince" writes: Only by careful observation can you see clearly. The most fundamental things cannot be seen with the eyes.
pays attention to the ordinary details of their lives through a lot of listening, patience and thoughtful care, so that parents can understand the unique qualities of a boy, as well as his strengths and weaknesses, which can better help parents learn from his unique characteristics. personality to help him plan his life and guide him on the path of life he should take.
Second, always pay attention to the boy's inner world and communicate constructively with the boy through the 4P ( companionship, persistence, patience, timing ) method.
Among these methods, the last opportunity will be ignored by many parents. The author said that raising children is like learning line dance . You need to find the right time to cut in. For example, before going to bed, boys are usually more fragile and have lower emotional defense lines. , so this is a good opportunity to interact with them.
In addition, after school, if the child is generally irritable at this time, it is not suitable for communication and interaction. You need to fully respect him at this time.
Third, express love with intimate body movements. No matter what stage boys are at, they need you to express affirmation through verbal language, and they also need you to use physical contact to gain approval.
Fourth, five basic truths of enlightenment must be conveyed to boys - life is not easy, you will die eventually, you are not that important, you cannot control the outcome of things, and your life is not just for yourself . Let the boy realize that life is not just about himself. Only when he integrates into a world larger than himself will he feel his own importance. Of course, this process will definitely be accompanied by struggle and pain. These things will Reveal to the old boy how to test his abilities and give him a deeper understanding of himself and strengthen his connection to his spiritual core.
In addition to the above three parts, the book also discusses some popular issues encountered in raising boys in the appendix, such as corporal punishment and discipline, sex and relationships, money, emotional literacy, etc. In this part, the author intuitively gives With suggestions and methods, let us look at and interpret these behaviors in a new way.
On the journey from a silly troublemaker to a tough and mature man, boys are destined to become fighters, but not every boy is ready. This book "Wild Raising: From Boy to Man" "The Road to Raising" provides an exclusive method of raising boys - wild parenting, helping parents discover the unique qualities of boys, respect their growth patterns, give them correct guidance, and accompany them through the wilderness of boyhood with wisdom, love and confidence. , into the promised land of true manhood.
