Personal opinion: Choosing not to have children is often your own choice, but it will trigger the judgment of others.
Adults who choose not to have children often face social pressure from those in their social circles.
Recent generations have struggled to overcome gender expectations surrounding childbearing.
Although many statements are well-intentioned, they continue to send messages about expectations in our society.
But in fact, the birth rate has continued to decline. The study found that the birth rate "has dropped by 20% since 2007." Clearly, more and more people are choosing not to have children.
While research shows that individuals and couples who choose not to have children feel comfortable and confident in their decision, it is often the rest of society who still feel uncomfortable. Based on my personal experience, here are some of the most common statements 10 often heard by people who choose to be childless.
1. "Oh, I'm sorry. It's going to happen to you soon!"
IMHO, I hope not! Please don’t assume that we are all waiting and hoping to have children.
There are many people who are unable to have children for different reasons and it is often very heartbreaking for them. But many others don't try and aren't bothered by the thought of not having children. (Those of you who are struggling, I wish you all the best in your journey and this is in no way trying to downplay your struggles in this area).
2. "If I didn't have children, I wouldn't feel like a woman."
This is deeply offensive to all women who cannot have children, and to all those who have given birth to children who were not women. Many of us grew up with messages about gender expectations in childhood, and women learned early on that they were supposed to want children and that if they didn't, there was something wrong with them. Children deserve to be born into an environment where they are needed, cherished and loved - and not just because it feels like a duty or obligation.
3. "But the baby is so cute! Check out this photo of my cousin's sister-in-law's friend's uncle's newborn baby."
This is when I broke the photo of my four-legged baby. All kidding aside, I love kids - sometimes. I'm so happy that my loved ones got to live this dream when they wanted to. I look forward to seeing my little nephew whenever I get the chance, and I live for those precious moments in my life where I connect with young people.
But that doesn’t mean I want to be a stay-at-home parent to a baby. Not to mention, many people adopt children who are not infants, and this should be valued and encouraged just as much as infant adoption. Yes, babies are cute - but children of other ages need love too.
4. "What if your husband / boyfriend / fiancé wants children?"
So welcome. I'm always surprised when people assume that childless people haven't had this conversation with their partners. It's probably safer to assume that childless people have discussed this with their romantic partners if they have them - and it's not one partner's responsibility to provide for another partner's children.
5. "But don't you want to pass on your name / genes / and so on?"
This statement may offend integrated or adopted families. Many people who don't have biological children hope to one day adopt. Our genes are no more important than all the homeless kids in foster care.
6. “Time is running out. You are (insert completely arbitrary socially constructed number here).”
As I reach my 30 years, I have now officially reached that age where discussions about fertility no longer have to be approached in the hypothetical future tense. This can be difficult for many reasons. When dealing with those dealing with infertility People who struggle say it's an ever-present reminder of what their bodies can't do for them, and when it comes to those who choose not to have children, it means they will inevitably have to make different choices. Because the choice right now is clearly wrong.
7. "Once you own one, you'll love it! "
What does this absolutely mean? I never want to go into parenthood with the idea that I could grow up to be a parent.
8. "Don't tell me you're one of those feminists.
With every step I take in my career, I still have extended family members who say: "This is great, but it's time to settle down, have kids, and stop having fun." "I guess I'm running out of responses to this. Maybe we need to look at why one is more valuable than the other. Why can't we do both? Why can't our careers and other life choices be available at the same level Celebrating?
9. “But you’re going to be such a good parent! "
Then I will be a great aunt, uncle, stepparent, friend or godparent one day too.
10. "It must be nice to have so much free time. "
In my case I have made this choice consciously throughout my adult life. I plan for it and decide accordingly. I often receive comments like "You have to be happy to travel (or focus on your career, sleep, etc." But they often don't take into account that I made this decision, and the choices I made shaped my own life. I want to travel at this stage in my life, so I Plan one accordingly - while many of my friends are trying to start families, I am planning my career One is not worse than the other, just a different choice .
These comments used to annoy me when I was younger. .. As I get into my 30 years I try to remember that most statements are made in a sincere attempt to be polite and most people are speaking from their own frame of reference, it's not personal but I take it. It's taken me a while to get here, but I still make the mistake of trying to remember when someone seems genuinely upset that I'm not going to have kids, that it matters to them, not necessarily to me. Nor does it have any negative impact on me that we have different values and needs in our lives
I am personally grateful to live in a time and place that allows me to make these decisions, even if it means dealing with some heart-wrenching decisions. Shameful but probably well intentioned comment
.”As I reach my 30 years, I have now officially reached that age where discussions about fertility no longer have to be approached in the hypothetical future tense. This can be difficult for many reasons. When dealing with those dealing with infertility People who struggle say it's an ever-present reminder of what their bodies can't do for them, and when it comes to those who choose not to have children, it means they will inevitably have to make different choices. Because the choice right now is clearly wrong.
7. "Once you own one, you'll love it! "
What does this absolutely mean? I never want to go into parenthood with the idea that I could grow up to be a parent.
8. "Don't tell me you're one of those feminists.
With every step I take in my career, I still have extended family members who say: "This is great, but it's time to settle down, have kids, and stop having fun." "I guess I'm running out of responses to this. Maybe we need to look at why one is more valuable than the other. Why can't we do both? Why can't our careers and other life choices be available at the same level Celebrating?
9. “But you’re going to be such a good parent! "
Then I will be a great aunt, uncle, stepparent, friend or godparent one day too.
10. "It must be nice to have so much free time. "
In my case I have made this choice consciously throughout my adult life. I plan for it and decide accordingly. I often receive comments like "You have to be happy to travel (or focus on your career, sleep, etc." But they often don't take into account that I made this decision, and the choices I made shaped my own life. I want to travel at this stage in my life, so I Plan one accordingly - while many of my friends are trying to start families, I am planning my career One is not worse than the other, just a different choice .
These comments used to annoy me when I was younger. .. As I get into my 30 years I try to remember that most statements are made in a sincere attempt to be polite and most people are speaking from their own frame of reference, it's not personal but I take it. It's taken me a while to get here, but I still make the mistake of trying to remember when someone seems genuinely upset that I'm not going to have kids, that it matters to them, not necessarily to me. Nor does it have any negative impact on me that we have different values and needs in our lives
I am personally grateful to live in a time and place that allows me to make these decisions, even if it means dealing with some heart-wrenching decisions. Shameful but probably well intentioned comment
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